42's Therapy Thread

[stacer]

Yeah, but you're different.

Ah, I knew that Soul Thought article would come in handy.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

lol. Glad to be immature AND off assistance at the same time.

[42]

My brother is marrying someone who is 8 years younger than he. Course, he's 33 and she's 25. My brothers and I that are older that her are trying to figure out how she fits into the family pecking order.

Back to Eagle Prince's comment on a wife who will cook and clean. I think some womens views on house chores being equally divided in the modern age are a little skewed. One of my sister's-in-laws was a strong believer in women not having to be domestic slaves, which in admirable. However, she took it to point where she did very minimal cleaning and cooking, leaving my brother to do most of the cooking and cleaning. And the fact that she wasn't working or going to school really irked me. I'm afraid almost every couple I know of, the domestic work never gets split evenly, but most couples I know seem to work it out anyways without griping.

[stacer]

I'm not saying it should be split evenly by any means, especially if the wife stays at home. Studies show that even in families that say they want to split the work evenly, the wife is a "gate-keeper" who assigns the husband duties and keeps track of his progress. What I'm saying is that I'm glad that we live in an age in which each family can work it out for themselves based on strengths and weaknesses (say the wife can't cook, bless her heart) (which is not referring to me, as I am a wonderful cook!   ).

[fuzzyoctopus]

My brother is marrying someone who is 8 years younger than he. Course, he's 33 and she's 25. My brothers and I that are older that her are trying to figure out how she fits into the family pecking order.

Oooh yes that can be tricky.  I went to school with two of J.T.'s siblings.  Kara's a year older than me, and Curt is my age.  J.T. had some problems with the idea that his wife was younger than his "baby sister". So for the ease of family relations we've decided that Kara and I are officially the same age, and I'm older than Curt.

Of course this could lead back into an argument on philosophy...

[fuzzyoctopus]

I just found out that my sister-in-law is pregnant; and all I feel are envy and anger.

I hate myself so much right now.

[stacer]

You're probably getting all the newlywed comments from family and distant aquaintences, eh? "When are you two going to start a family?" Hard not to have those feelings. I get the same way sometimes when a close friend gets married, or even has a date. Not because I want the particular guy, but that for some reason the heavens have smiled on her and not me. It's hard for a little while, and then you remember how much you really are happy for the friend and things are better. Sometimes you have to allow yourself a little bit of mourning, though.

[fuzzyoctopus]

*sigh*

I don't think it's just that.  No one has been bugging us about having kids yet.  There are a few factors though:

1.) We got married first.  They only got married in November.

2.) I'd make one hell of a better mother than she would right now.  This is the girl who last year was in an institution for her anorexia and bulemia.  This is the girl who two or three months ago was rushed to the hospital because her husband found her standing in the bathroom with a handfull of pills after they had an argument.

3.) She was on birth control too;  that makes two people I know closely who weren't planning to have babies yet but got pregnant anyway.  And all I think is, "Why her and not me?  Why in the HELL does God think she should have a baby right now?"

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

oh, megan. I wish I knew what to say. i assume you don't really hate your sis-in-law, so I think it's ok that you feel this way, as long as you don't act on them. We care about you, though. You're good people.

[fuzzyoctopus]

No, I dont hate her.  I'm just .... hurt.  And I feel like I have no reason to be.

[stacer]

Well, you do have a reason to be, though probably her situation is more a trigger than a reason. It's coming from a deeper place, probably. Don't you think?

[42]

Well, if it's any consolation, if your sister-in-law was anorexic or bulemic she probably has a rough pregnacy ahead of her. My sister-in-law who was anorexic had a lot of diffulculty carrying her child with her first pregnacy and has miscarried since then. Eating disorders just do a lot of damage.

[Brenna]

You don't need to hate yourself--it's a natural reaction, if not a fun one.  If you need to talk, please call me.

[JP Dogberry]

Right. I was waiting at the doctor last week, browsing through various health related leaflets when one caught my eye.

I did a few internet searches on the subject, and now I'm pretty sure I have this "Social Phobia" thing. Looking at various lists of symptoms, most of them to some degree are describing me exactly.

No wonder it takes me three years to make friends.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

didn't take you that long with most of us.