Timewaster's Guide Archive

General => Everything Else => Topic started by: House of Mustard on July 22, 2004, 02:34:14 PM

Title: Things you wish you could say at work:
Post by: House of Mustard on July 22, 2004, 02:34:14 PM: Someone emailed these to me. They amuse me greatly.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

Oh I get it ... like humor ... but different.
Title: Re: Things you wish you could say at work:
Post by: The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers on July 22, 2004, 05:22:09 PM: didn't we already have a thread for this?

Yes, yes we did. (http://www.timewastersguide.com/boards/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=rantage;action=display;num=1089379774)
Title: Re: Things you wish you could say at work:
Post by: House of Mustard on July 22, 2004, 05:29:38 PM: I'm too lazy to look for old topics. I just start new ones.
Title: Re: Things you wish you could say at work:
Post by: EUOL on July 22, 2004, 09:53:24 PM: I tried saying those things to my boss. He was rather annoyed with me.

However, since he IS me, I didn't get into too much trouble.
Title: Re: Things you wish you could say at work:
Post by: fuzzyoctopus on July 22, 2004, 10:18:27 PM: You need to teach some of them to Beaker.
Title: Re: Things you wish you could say at work:
Post by: GorgonlaVacaTremendo on July 22, 2004, 11:07:54 PM: So guess what I just learned. I just learned that I can have an entire conversation doing nothing but copy/pasting those comments. Three random instant messages down...
Title: Re: Things you wish you could say at work:
Post by: JP Dogberry on July 23, 2004, 09:04:22 AM: I would really love to say at work "This is the Student COMPUTING heldesk. Do you really think a problem with your timetable clashing is a computer related problem, retard? So why are you asking us, then, moron!"

I'd also love to tell idiots who eat in the labs and who obviously will keep doing it regardless of what I say to get lost. But at least if I tell them to stop then come back and catch them eating again, I can call security on them.
Title: Re: Things you wish you could say at work:
Post by: Maxwell on August 05, 2004, 05:50:23 PM: hey would you mind taking my shift?
Would you mind putting your hand in this molten slag?