Timewaster's Guide Archive
General => Everything Else => Topic started by: 42 on July 08, 2004, 12:01:09 AM
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I'm sure this is really tragic in actuallity, but oh so funny to hear.
http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/asiapcf/07/07/australia.kangaroo.reut/index.html
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I'll tell ya, it's a warzone out here. You don't really know what it's like until you find your clothes torn to shreds, haven't eaten for days, making shorts out of Poison Ivy to gain some dignity, and getting Jock Rash from *them*.
They can smell you're blood, I tell you, and once they're locked on, they don't stop. Ever. Kill one, and two more take it's place. They hunt in packs, and show no remorse - wounded prey makes them like it more.
You gotta carry a gun and show them the same. When they charge you, look the Kangaroo straight in the eyes and charge at *it*. Let loose your assault rifle, none of this three-round burst nonsense, full auto, reload, then another burst. When you're out of ammo, you throw your gun at the three suckers that are still alive, pull out your knife, and wrestle them up close and personal, waiting for an oppurtunity to gouge the eyes out.
Yeah, you take on three hand to hand, and barely make it out alive, blood covering your body, the only thought in your head being the taste of raw roo meat, the onyl thing you've been able to eat since the rest of your family was eaten.
Only then do you realise the horror as you get surprised attacked by the Koalas, and need to pull out the whacking stick and make a final stand.
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"She was screaming and screaming. The kangaroo just stared back at us. I will never forget that."
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Thanks for the new Sig EUOL.
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I mentioned this to my wife, and her first thought was how awful it must have been. But I was like, "Honey, they're KANGAROOS."
"Havent' you ever seen those boxing kangaroos?"
"So you're saying that they're being inspired by looney toons?"
and so on. Yes, I realize they're big, so I wouldn't want to tussle with one. But attacking/ This is like, weird.
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Evidently, you haven't been in Australia very long. Kangaroos are just like any other wild animal, and will attack if provoked or even approached. The males, from what I hear, are rather aggressive too.
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feh. like you're reliable. Scared of koalas boy.
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I can't wait until you come over here. I will introduce to a Koala through a Whacking demonstration - claws first. Then we will see whose scared of Koalas.
Incidentlly, we will also see what it sounds like when you scream like a girl and start calling stuff like "Whack it! WHACK IT! It's GOUGING OUT MY EYES! Noo!! MY EYES!!! Jam, whack it already, WHACK IT!"
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see. That wouldn't happen in the states. Firearm ownership is legal here. We'd just blow the little beasts up.
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What? You didn't know Koalas are bulletproof? Comes from all the Euclyptus oil in their skin. A bullet will slide right through in such a way it does almost no damage. From an angle, it will be deflected smoothly off, while a direct hit will lead it through useless fat tissue. It's the same reason why knives are less effective than a big stick.
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Who's talking about firearms that use mere bullets?
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I'll tell ya, it's a warzone out here. You don't really know what it's like until you find your clothes torn to shreds, haven't eaten for days, making shorts out of Poison Ivy to gain some dignity, and getting Jock Rash from *them*.
They can smell you're blood, I tell you, and once they're locked on, they don't stop. Ever. Kill one, and two more take it's place. They hunt in packs, and show no remorse - wounded prey makes them like it more.
You gotta carry a gun and show them the same. When they charge you, look the Kangaroo straight in the eyes and charge at *it*. Let loose your assault rifle, none of this three-round burst nonsense, full auto, reload, then another burst. When you're out of ammo, you throw your gun at the three suckers that are still alive, pull out your knife, and wrestle them up close and personal, waiting for an oppurtunity to gouge the eyes out.
Yeah, you take on three hand to hand, and barely make it out alive, blood covering your body, the only thought in your head being the taste of raw roo meat, the onyl thing you've been able to eat since the rest of your family was eaten.
Only then do you realise the horror as you get surprised attacked by the Koalas, and need to pull out the whacking stick and make a final stand.
sounds like life at my house...
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Should that be "World Domination", or do you mean dominance?
I'm having trouble figuring it out.
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Somehow I dont think a shotgun loaded with buckshot would fail to harm a Koala.
Sure PETA wanted us to use rock salt, or at the very least a stick... but we use howitzers...
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Its the possums you really have to worry about...
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I dno't know if any of you have ever encountered a New York City Sewer Rat, but those things will disembowel you so fast you will be staring at your intestines for a full 15 minutes before you finally pass out from blood loss.
Maybe we should square an Austrailian Koala off against a New York City Sewer Rat? Call it Vermin Vendetta or something Corney like that? We could then branch out to include vermin from all over the world.
Just a thought
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The rat would go down in half a second. 3 to 1 odds.
Seriously, the rat comes anywhere near the Koala, it gets clawed to death. No question. And Koalas aren't rodents. They're marsupials.
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You really don't understand New York Sewer Rats. Capybaras the largest rodent? Hardly. New York has rats than can arm wrestle a swamp full of gators without breaking a sweat.They've got teeth and claws. Some rumors even say their tails are prehensile and can be used as weapons.
Sorry, but the Koala just moves too slow and lacks the power. My money's on the rat.
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It moves slow so as not to waste energy. Once in combat, it uses the saved energy, and then there's trouble. The rat needs to get pretty close to attack, you see, but the Koala can hold it at arms length and crush its puny skull. Koalas like to crush puny skulls.
Also, the Koala would have an environmental advantage in many places. If it gets to a tree, well, game over. (A Bridge would also do). If it gets in the water, well, game over again. Not even a New York rat has a chance to beat a Koala swimming.
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I'd go with the rat, I've seen those things... but have you ever seen a california opossum? even the coyotes cower in fear of them, they're just as big if not larger than the sewer rats, and their tails are not rumored to be prehensile, they are...
But scariest of all...the north irish sheep...I don't even want to remember for it could undo all those years of therapy.
*T.F.O. curls up in a fetal position begins to shake and repeats "no more sheep mama no sheep mama...*
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sorry, JP, you fail to impress us. all money is on the rat. The rat has the same claws and better teeth, plus the tail. They have the speed WITHOUT having to save up. and they can climb, scurry, and swim as good as anyting. Goodness, man, they live in NEW YORK SEWERS. Anything that can do that has an environmental advantage over ANYTHING that doesn't.
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The koala kicks your crummy little rat. Period. Next Contestant please.
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you know, Outkast, that post was nothing less than stupid.
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Yeah, well, what can you expect from a brash, koala whacking aussie from down - under? culture? sophistication? pah, those things don't exist down here.
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It was, however, correct.
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feh. That koala's got nothin. The rat man, you obviously know nothing about the rat.
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"Martial Arts is not about knowing your opponent - it is about knowing yourself"
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a) this isn't you that's fighting.
b) you DO need to know, at least, if your opponent is immune to your pathetic attacks.
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I don't know. But the Koala - oh, it knows.
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See, here in britain we don't have any of these issues. The wildlife knows who is boss - humans. Anything that takes issue with this fact is sumarily run over with a land rover. With spiked wheels.
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Leave it to the humans and their technology to take all of the fun out of life.
Frelling humans and their Technology!!! Without it they are nothing more than folds of gooey flesh lacking fur, claws, and fangs. Take away their technology (especially the Brit's land rovers with spiked wheels) and the rats would destroy them.
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But, but, but....
That koala would stand WILLINGLY in front of that 4 wheel drive, and let it bounce of it!! Yeah! Then again, it may just curl up and look cute, *then* hijack the jeep. Anway. The point is, that it would hijack the jeep, then go on a rampage of those rats! Ignore the fact that we're talking about two different countries here. The koala can climb... so maybe it can fly too!
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Yeah, but us Yanks have tougher pests...
Coyotes... and they dont even look cute.
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don't forget: opossums, pigeons(peck your eye's out), seagulls(ditto), squirrels, raccoons, gophers, politicians, surfers, and horror of unspeakable horrors, arnold schwarzenager. now if thats not an all-star pest line-up I dont know what is.
Still think you can do better Mr. bushtucker man?
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Kodiak Bears.... and Cougars too
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/cougar/attacks.html
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Don't forget beavers!
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You mean Bearvers! Those things are HUGE!!!
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and mountain lions
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Koalas are not bears.
You call a Koala a Bear, and pretty soon you'll fidn the Koala "Baring" your intestines.
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I know a guy who had that done to his hand and arm actually.... really swelled up, he was in hospital for a while.
WHICH JUST PROVES THE KOALA'S DOMINANCE!
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yeah uhm... we're not talking about your wimpy koalas anymore. no one said they were bears.
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See, this is what happens when I'm tired and see "Koala" instead of "Kodiak".
Gimme a break, I've had a hard days work!