31
Reading Excuses / January 25 - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God Jin 4
« on: January 25, 2010, 07:55:58 PM »
This time with the right subject line . . . hehe.
News:
Max is a Shadowblade, a supernatural--and supernaturally competent--warrior bound to protect her witch Giselle. As a Shadowblade, Max doesn't age. She is better, faster, stronger than any ordinary human being. And she hates it. Giselle betrayed her trust to make Max what she is, and though she is magically compelled to protect Giselle and follow orders, Max works against her witch in every way she can. Continue reading Bitter Night
Review by Silk
Discuss it in our forums.
Show Posts
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
32
Reading Excuses / January 25 - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God Anaiah 7
« on: January 25, 2010, 02:05:51 PM »
And another chapter
Thus far, for all the new people:
Several children were discovered, by various people through a desert and taken in. And then there was Jin, whose father has, without much reluctance, sold him into slavery to a place called the Pits where they go well out of their way to turn boys into killers.
Thus far, for all the new people:
Several children were discovered, by various people through a desert and taken in. And then there was Jin, whose father has, without much reluctance, sold him into slavery to a place called the Pits where they go well out of their way to turn boys into killers.
33
Reading Excuses / January 18 - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God Anaiah 7
« on: January 22, 2010, 04:23:36 AM »
Hehe, guess what I forgot to do . . .
34
Reading Excuses / January 10 - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name Of God, Anaiah chapter 6
« on: January 11, 2010, 02:35:38 AM »
Moving far ahead to skip a) bad chapters and b) get more to the plot.
Oh yeah, there's some people who get their heads bashed in.
Oh yeah, there's some people who get their heads bashed in.
35
Reading Excuses / January 3 - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God, Jin'Cathul chapter 3
« on: January 03, 2010, 05:26:07 PM »
And so the next chapter in the amazing struggle that is Jin'Cathul's life. Sad, but here it is.
36
Reading Excuses / December 28 - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God, Jin'Cathul 1:2
« on: December 28, 2009, 09:50:08 PM »
Yes it's technically a rewrite . . .well . . .not really. I went back and started adding chapters in, to better build to important things that are happening later. That and I need to keep all the characters together chronologically.
Anyway, was meeting my wife's cousin so I did not have the depth of time I wanted this weekend to fix up some of the dumb mistakes I've been berated for since day one.
Anyway, so new comers don't feel totally out of the loop.
Anaiah 1:1: Anaiah is discovered by the side of a man made crater and rescued before falling in and dying. because she has white skin the people in the crater want to kill her but Caramoth, the man who found her, says that the Gods (the suns) kept him from killing her, so she has to live. He becomes her foster father.
Guli 1:1: Guli is discovered by a tribe of pygmies who take him in. Guli, with his strange ability to make rocks dance when he sings and his herculean strength scare the pygmies but they take him in because of his abilities to help them in their mines (by moving rocks and digging with his super strength).
Zulbane 1:1: Zulbane is discovered by a tribe of women who live near a volcano and as such have very fertile ground on which a small jungle oasis grows. They are ultra feminist and so they take Zulbane to their scribe to have his name removed, thus making him a dumb slave. The scribes assistant, oddly enough purchases him from the women. learns she is his sister, and that his name was changed from Traxix to Zulbane.
Jin'Cathul 1:1: Jin'Cathul and his father go to a temple for Lyrists (magic users) who have discovered the first ever hole in the Shroud. Talven, Jin's father, is a respected researcher of the Shroud, because of his son's ability to control it (though not to any great extent). Jin, while helping his father, encounters a dagger made of a weird metal called Orcan. aThe orcan dagger make's Jin's magic hurt him. When touches the dagger he all but explodes.
Jin'Cathul 1:2: In which Jin survived the ordeal . . . and stuff happens to him.
Anyway, was meeting my wife's cousin so I did not have the depth of time I wanted this weekend to fix up some of the dumb mistakes I've been berated for since day one.
Anyway, so new comers don't feel totally out of the loop.
Anaiah 1:1: Anaiah is discovered by the side of a man made crater and rescued before falling in and dying. because she has white skin the people in the crater want to kill her but Caramoth, the man who found her, says that the Gods (the suns) kept him from killing her, so she has to live. He becomes her foster father.
Guli 1:1: Guli is discovered by a tribe of pygmies who take him in. Guli, with his strange ability to make rocks dance when he sings and his herculean strength scare the pygmies but they take him in because of his abilities to help them in their mines (by moving rocks and digging with his super strength).
Zulbane 1:1: Zulbane is discovered by a tribe of women who live near a volcano and as such have very fertile ground on which a small jungle oasis grows. They are ultra feminist and so they take Zulbane to their scribe to have his name removed, thus making him a dumb slave. The scribes assistant, oddly enough purchases him from the women. learns she is his sister, and that his name was changed from Traxix to Zulbane.
Jin'Cathul 1:1: Jin'Cathul and his father go to a temple for Lyrists (magic users) who have discovered the first ever hole in the Shroud. Talven, Jin's father, is a respected researcher of the Shroud, because of his son's ability to control it (though not to any great extent). Jin, while helping his father, encounters a dagger made of a weird metal called Orcan. aThe orcan dagger make's Jin's magic hurt him. When touches the dagger he all but explodes.
Jin'Cathul 1:2: In which Jin survived the ordeal . . . and stuff happens to him.
37
Reading Excuses / December 21 - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God, Guli Chapter 1
« on: December 21, 2009, 02:08:24 AM »
For everyone whose new to this story (You know, those lucky enough to have not had to put up with the other horrible submissions).
Anaiah 1:1 - Caramoth, a smith for the Ziphoa tribe living in a very large rock quarry with a small river that spills into it, find a little girl by the side of the crater and saves her only to find out she has white skin, red hair, and green eyes. This makes her a Witch, something he has been instructed to kill. Taking pity on her, mostly for her age (infant) and because he believes there is something divine about him finding her and the winds preventing him from throwing her off the side of the crater to die.
Jin'Cathul 1:1 - Jin'Cathul is the son of a major researcher into a phenomenon known as "the Shroud." Aside from that, Jin seems to possess some ability related to the Shroud, demonstrated by his ability to make purple sparks jump across his fingers. He and his father, Talven, go to one of the Lyrist temples to investigate the first ever hole in the Shroud. This is odd because the Shroud is quite literally everywhere. While there, Jin'Cathul's body has a very violent reaction to a dagger made from a metal called Orcan.
Zulbane 1:1 - Zulbane, a small boy, is found by Talina and Laula (women) who take him in as a slave (like all men are supposed to be taken in as). They worship a volcano. Surprised Zulbane has a name, they take him to the scribe to get his name removed, thus making him a passive and obedient slave. The scribe is gone but her assistant, Kuluva, is there. Kuluva instead buys Zulbane from them and when the women leave, reveals herself to be his sister, but calls him Traxix instead of Zulbane.
Guli 1:1 - Behold the goofiness.
Anaiah 1:1 - Caramoth, a smith for the Ziphoa tribe living in a very large rock quarry with a small river that spills into it, find a little girl by the side of the crater and saves her only to find out she has white skin, red hair, and green eyes. This makes her a Witch, something he has been instructed to kill. Taking pity on her, mostly for her age (infant) and because he believes there is something divine about him finding her and the winds preventing him from throwing her off the side of the crater to die.
Jin'Cathul 1:1 - Jin'Cathul is the son of a major researcher into a phenomenon known as "the Shroud." Aside from that, Jin seems to possess some ability related to the Shroud, demonstrated by his ability to make purple sparks jump across his fingers. He and his father, Talven, go to one of the Lyrist temples to investigate the first ever hole in the Shroud. This is odd because the Shroud is quite literally everywhere. While there, Jin'Cathul's body has a very violent reaction to a dagger made from a metal called Orcan.
Zulbane 1:1 - Zulbane, a small boy, is found by Talina and Laula (women) who take him in as a slave (like all men are supposed to be taken in as). They worship a volcano. Surprised Zulbane has a name, they take him to the scribe to get his name removed, thus making him a passive and obedient slave. The scribe is gone but her assistant, Kuluva, is there. Kuluva instead buys Zulbane from them and when the women leave, reveals herself to be his sister, but calls him Traxix instead of Zulbane.
Guli 1:1 - Behold the goofiness.
38
Reading Excuses / December 7 - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God Jin'Cathul 1:1
« on: December 07, 2009, 04:50:42 PM »
Sooooo . . . . it's an attempt to make fixes to a bad idea, I've decided to rewrite Jin's intro. It's been the most troublesome of all the character intros. So here it is. Have fun.
39
Reading Excuses / November 30 - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God Chapter 2
« on: November 30, 2009, 05:46:34 AM »
Yeah, um, it's short . . . and with an over bearing attempt at being cute.
40
Reading Excuses / November 23rd - LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God - Prologue and chapter 1
« on: November 23, 2009, 11:35:04 AM »
Well have fun, don't strain yourselves.
41
Reading Excuses / NOv. 9 LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God, Jincathul 1:4
« on: November 09, 2009, 05:36:32 PM »
After some careful rearranging and rewriting, I have determined that this should be the fourth chapter staring Jin'Cathul (verses one of the other PoV characters). Everything added takes place in the past (i.e. in previous chapters) from the one I submitted before, so you haven't actually missed anything, other then watching Jin analyse the tar out of everything.
Have fun, enjoy, and go a head and be mean.
Have fun, enjoy, and go a head and be mean.
42
Reading Excuses / November 2nd -LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God, Chapter 3
« on: November 03, 2009, 06:15:03 AM »
So here it is, my first submission. I'm really excited. I have been editing it as I find time, but I'm not submitting it because of that. I'm submitting it, with flaws purposely so I know how to direct my thinking. Admittedly I probably should not be reading Karen Miller before writing. It does all sorts of things to my writing . . .
Anyway the piece it self:
This chapter is one of the more trouble sections. I wish It wasn't but I really need help with it. To discuss what happened before, well . . . you haven't missed much. This piece is only the second time the audience will have seen Jin'Cathul, and all they would need to know about before is that he's a slave, something bad happened to his father, who was what we would call a research scientist (only studying magic instead of biology or some such important thing). Jin's abilities with magic are limited . . . at best. Jin loves math and analytical thinking. Oh yeah, and he's only ten years old.
Also, I hope my email is shipping it. I've already got a notice about complications.
Anyway the piece it self:
This chapter is one of the more trouble sections. I wish It wasn't but I really need help with it. To discuss what happened before, well . . . you haven't missed much. This piece is only the second time the audience will have seen Jin'Cathul, and all they would need to know about before is that he's a slave, something bad happened to his father, who was what we would call a research scientist (only studying magic instead of biology or some such important thing). Jin's abilities with magic are limited . . . at best. Jin loves math and analytical thinking. Oh yeah, and he's only ten years old.
Also, I hope my email is shipping it. I've already got a notice about complications.