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« on: April 04, 2010, 07:37:52 PM »
I know I said I'd start some Zulbane stuff, or at least I thought I would, but with my commitment to finish the story in the next 10 days (well 7 as of this email) those chapters are lacking . . . well any kind of revision at all that would make it worth handing to a group for critiquing. Frankly most of the comments would be stuff I already know and that's not helpful to me and only wastes your time. So that said, before I made the commitment I wrote and heavily edited this (I really wanted it to be awesome). So I really do want to submit Anaiah 6 to you guys because you can only make it better.
Anaiah 1: As a very tiny girl, Anaiah was found and adopted by Caramoth, the village smith. She has white skin, everyone else in the Ziphoa tribe has black skin. they all think she's a witch and want to kill her.
Anaiah 2: Anaiah, quite the outcast and her father because of her, is now 10 years old and wants to be a warrior for the tribe. Annoyed and tired of a girl named Hilva trying to pick fights with her, Anaiah tries to ask Amoz, the High Chief's son, to teach her to fight, since Sallu, the war chief, won't do it. Amoz tries but Sallu won't allow it. Hilva tries to pick another fight, this time with weapons. Sallu sanctions it and Anaiah is given weapons. In a rather amazing turn of events, Anaiah defeats Hilva. Outraged, Hilva tries to kill Anaiah again, only to be cast out from the young warriors.
Guli 1: Guli, a boy who can make Rocks dance and who is so strong that even the largest weights are toys to him, is found by a tribe of pygmies. they take him in, hoping to use him to work their mines with his magic.
Zulbane 1: The jungle tribe discover a strange boy who has a name (surprising to them) and can speak (all of their men, after birth, have their mouths sewn shut). They take him to the local scribe, but she is out. Her assistant/apprentice buys the boy from the women who found him. the apprentice is really the boy's sister but knows him by the name Traxix, not Zulbane.
Jin'Cathul 1: Jin'Cathul is the son of famous research scientist, Talven Del'Nosa'Gosa. while studying the phenomenon known as the Shroud, what is supposed to be what makes Lyrisism work, are invited to investigate the first hole to ever appear in the Shroud. The hole was discovered when an old artifact made from a metal called orcan did not vibrate in a room. Further tests with lyrisism proved there was no Shroud there. Jin'Cathul, a magical prodigy in his own right, assisted his father in researching the hole, but the dagger seemed to take a very different effect then had been witnessed before when he initiated his powers. When contact was made between Jin and the dagger, stuff exploded.
Anaiah 3: Day and Night are explained, while Anaiah and her father prepare for the oncoming night. To protect themselves from the Darken, the Tribe gathers together around a huge bonfire with torches on the outside to spread the light as thick as they can. Fire seems to frighten them away. When the Darken are no longer a threat, the tribe relaxes and prepares for the night. Hilva confronts Anaiah again, intent regaining her place by defeating Anaiah in another fight. Anaiah, unarmed, tries to scare the girl away but only manages to enrage her. during the fighting, Anaiah's favorite toy is broken and with that, it almost kills her. It would have killed her if not for the timely appearance of Caramoth, who's quick work saves her with the help of Hammond, Amoz, and the High Chief. Anaiah decides that her father must be the greatest human being in the whole world.
Jin'Cathul 2: ON the run from House Mezuu, Jin and his father go the Bazaar to make some extra money before venturing into the Hellfane desert. Instead, a woman named Jalean, who seems responsible for their escape from House Mezuu, demands that Jin be given to her as payment for saving them. Less then reluctant, Talven gives the boy up who is taken in and made a slave of the Pits.
Anaiah 4: At the Bazaar, Anaiah learns her father has no intention of giving her her own weapons and is instead given a red dress so she looks like every other girl her age at the Bazaar. While Anaiah and Hammond set up their tents, they are approached by another of the crater tribes, the Apara, who demand equal treatment. Ziphoa (Anaiah's tribe) and the Apara do not get along. Their arguement, however, is a ruse so that Caramoth can work a plan with them to conquer some of the more resource rich lands the Houses have. The Houses are also fighting a war with a group called the Hesk and most of Caramoth's product goes to assist in that war effort. The More Caramoth sells them, the more people will be moved to the front of the war by his reckoning. This gives himself, the High Chief, and the Apara a better chance to hit the Houses while their less defended. No one, after all, has ever attacked the Houses from the Hellfane.
Anaiah 5: Anaiah hates where a dress, and begins to question the the validity of her distaste for witches, especially when there is so much she can learn from them. she watches a woman with orange hair fight in an exhibition with her husband and is mystified at skills the woman has. Claiming the woman as her hero, Anaiah finds herself wanting to emulate the woman and her fighting style, despite tribal laws about witches. Caramoth also demonstrates his superior smithing skills and acquires another steady customer.
Guli 2: Guli helps his father with the mining and begins to question his memories and how he seems to dream about a woman he's never met, named Chalot. While everyone is sleeping, Guli goes to the oasis to hunt for meat with his murt, Tabitha. They catch a lot of kaldo's (which are essentially six legged turtles) and see a caravan of fair-skinned (white) people traveling north. The try to kidnap Guli but his strength saves him.
Guli 3: When Guli returns home after Hunting, the caravan warriors attack the village. They kill most of the adults and kidnap all the children. During the attack Guli blacks out and kills several of them. Dala performs her former duties as a nurse and saves her injured husband. Guli is taken and the captured children are used to keep him and his strength in check, under threat of being killed if he tries to escape. The children are all sold as slaves and their names are stripped.
Zulbane 2: Zulbane is hiding as a slave with his older sister. Kuluva treats him well but everyone else is weary because his mouth is capable of speaking. While his sister works hard to keep him, all the while treating him as a human being, Zulbane comes to appreciate the life they have there in the jungle, with the Red Goddess providing them good food and clothing. Convinced there must be more the laws that prohibit him to speak, he climbs the Goddess to speak to her. She, surprisingly to him, speaks back, calling him a Man who is not a man and implying that her laws do not apply to him, as he is not a real man. Zulbane returns home and finds his sister. An ambush has been set to catch him speaking (grounds for his and her death). Instead, the ambushers are killed and Zulbane can not remember a thing about doing it.
Zulbane 3: Trying to decide what to do about the sudden death of people, Kuluva and Zulbane try to plan an escape from the village. Instead, they are taken by the Shaman and Laula who have Kuluva raped and Zulbane sodomized. The shaman tells Zulbane why men are not allowed to speak, asking him the question, "do you have anything worth saying?" Zulbane's tongue is cut out and Kuluva's name is taken from her, leaving her a willess slave like the men of the village. Both of them are brought to the Goddess to be thrown into her. Instead, the Goddess asks only for Kuluva and proclaims Zulbane her new representative. The disavowed shaman protests, saying it is a trick. Zulbane is instructed to heal his tongue, which he finds quite easy to do. He then battles the Goddess to save his sister. Destroying her, he returns to the scribe, kills her, and takes the contract that has Kuluva's name on it.
Guli 4: Guli imprisoned under threat of his fellow children being killed, is not allowed to sing, dance, or use his strength. Talven and his wife, a Pai'asei, come to see him as the scribe watching him as sent word to them about his unusual name. Dala goes to Mubasa to get her son. Talven and the scribe go through Guli's memories and confirm that his second name is one that he is looking for. Instead of killing him, he decides to take the name and send it home with his wife. The scribe says she is not sure she can do it. Dala comes in and tries to rescue Guli only to be captured. Guli tries to save her and is beat down by the Pai'asei's witchsong. The scribe says that Dala could do it, because she was the nurse that taught her how to scribe in the first place. Talven tells Dala that if she does not help, Guli's name will destroy the world.
Guli 5: Dala debates on how taking Guli's other name, Buk, will effect him. She decides instead to take the Name and give it to herself, to see what is so special about it. After the Naming, she immediately puts it on a contract and gives it to Talven, thankful to have it out of Guli. Guli, she learns, had the Tyrant in his head, a giant warmonger who was able to make armies of bone and stone, and conquer the world. She leaves Guli in Talven's hands.
Anaiah 6: Anaiah's initiation into the warrior caste of the Ziphoa tribe.
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