yay, first post!
for some reason I didn't realize the previous chapter left off with the MC talking to the Stranger. Im prolly just remembering it wrong, but it was a bit jarring.
Ah, now I see that I read too fast. I didn't realize it was the dog-demon speaking. Whoops.
I did not at all understand the explanation of the daemion, Ring, familiar, and souls. Too much.
Now this attack really pissed me off!
This sentence struck me as funny. What else would an attack do?
Maybe instead of having it be a memory of what happened after the cab crashed, just have her start off there. Go back in time and retell the story from her point of view.
Very cool vampire powers btw. Hypodermic fangs...thralls...seeing scent trails...
Although when she starts explaining the souls and what it means to be a vampire, I thought it was too much of an info dump.
It seems a bit cliche for the bad guys to have red scent trails and the hero to have a blue scent trail. But maybe thats just me.
I like the sensory details of what the scents
looked like, though. Not something you often have to describe!
More info dump about how to kill a vampire. Just give us a hint that she is not invincible, and that ought to be enough for now.
That is a bit disgusting about how the guy has strips of flesh hanging from his face. I think he would be sobbing and weeping, pleading, incoherent, after only the first or second time.
This really does show that Miranda would do almost anything to find Jason, though.
Ah, now I read on and the begging continues.
Saying she is not a monster seems...a little out of place. She just tortured a man, excrutiatingly. Again, saying she showed
mercy? Maybe make it a bit more obvious that she is only deceiving herself. Obviously she should think she is doing the right thing, the only thing she can do.
Back to the MC. Yay, a bag of holding! Cool that it gives him what he wishes for.
I don't understand why, when he rescues the blond girl, he can't just look around for the light of his fire.
Now I see that she has to point it out for him. What is he, some kind of idiot? Sorry, just seemed a bit unbelievable.
Also, does he just fall in love with every girl he sees? Not a single thought of Miranda.
This chapter was a bit
meh for me. Nothing struck me as really bad, but nothing that really resonated with me either.