Nice to finally something from you again, wilson!
I'm not going to bother with sentence level issues, because ApocRK got that taken care of. I have other points to make
Overall, the plot and worldbuilding are strong. I like the magic system once it was explained, and Physical powers being transferable is really cool. The strong point is your magic. There are weaknesses with character development, action, and anchoring within the setting.
The beginning was okay. Slightly boring at first, but then I realized that was the whole point of that opening page: to show Gabe's boredom. That said, I'm not getting enough character to carry the piece. Gabe doesn't really have any defining character conflicts, and by the end, I mostly got from Gabe that he's a young, powerful Powered person who Nate doesn't like very much. He's more defined by his ability and his level (this goes for most of the characters) than anything internal with the character, which I find is a big weakness.
Jaw clenched, he knew he had reached his limit, a place he could count on one finger how many times he’d been in the last five years. And that time was just a test. This was real.
And he was losing.
This is the strongest character-related element with Gabe. Throughout the beginning, I got the impression that he's an extremely skilled (and therefore a valuable asset), and experienced person. This opening fight has Gabe versus Ashley, which is basically Skill vs. Raw Power. That paragraph I just quoted really gets into Gabe's head, which was great. I need to see far, far more of this than appeared.
I'm just not "feeling" your characters. I don't feel Gabe's emotions or motivations, with exception of that moment. You could build Gabe's entire character from those two lines if you wanted to, they are so powerful. We need many more thoughtshots (as opposed to "snapshots", which show action) for Gabe. Inner dialogue could be useful here. I should be seeing Gabe's vivid reactions when Nate imprisons him. His emotions need to be showed to us. The way it is now makes it seem... bland. This isn't a bad piece, but it feels bland simply because the characters feel bland.
I agree that we need some more motivation for why the World Order is fighting the Crashers. Well, maybe "more" isn't the right word, but we need it sooner. We need to know exactly why Gabe wants to go after the Crashers as soon as Thack mentions them, because Gabe certainly knows, as well as all the other characters. Show it to us, pretty please?
We need small clues throughout the submission. Readers are smart, we can piece it together, but don't give us a huge, infodumpy paragraph telling us about it. That paragraph where the Crashers are explained was the weakest part of the submission. It
does give us needed exposition and anchoring in the world, but the exposition is awfully boring being placed there, when you could have very easily placed a lot of smaller clues throughout.
Speaking of anchoring, a little more description in the areas where fight scenes take place would be much appreciated. I mean, you
do give us description, but it passes so quickly that I usually had to read back a few paragraphs to get the details.
Also, in the beginning scenes, I wasn't quite sure who had what power. I didn't know why you focused so much on that chair in that first scene, but once you said Gabe has Magnetics, then it makes perfect sense. I need this clue much, MUCH sooner. If you don't mind me being prescriptive for a moment, I would like to suggest a very easy fix. There is a line in the first paragraph that reads, "Without moving, he reached out with his mind to steady the legs", which is great and all. But, you could just as easily say "Without moving, he used his Magnetics to steady the legs". This orients the reader and tells me immediately, "Oh, Gabe has power with magnetism. Got it."
Same with Thack. It would be nice to know what his power is a bit sooner so I'm not having to guess at it. Gabe knows what Thack's ability is, so why can't we know it, too?
I actually liked the ending. But then again, I'm a fan of sharp endings. Yes, the story goes on with Gabe (obviously), but it's not immediately important to the story being told.
Wilson, if you want this story to be self-contained, I need Ashley's reason for joining the Crashers. If you're inserting these Gabe viewpoints into the Crashers manuscript, well, then I'm sure it will be explained, but as it is, it feels really sudden. At the very least, Gabe should feel surprised she joined the Crashers so quickly.