Thoughts While Reading:
Doesn't your world have lots of gods? Then which one is Deragon referring to when he swears?
Are you sure you want to start out with Deragon's POV? Don't get me wrong, he looks like an interesting character, it just is a little disorientating and I am not sure how much it adds to your story... Anyway, you drop into Aermyst's POV here: "Easier said than done, Aermyst thought." and then again in a few other places.
"Every crystalheart has a minor flaw, something only tolerated by his or her fellows; for Deragon, it was this."
Statement seems a bit too telly, mostly because I don't see how it is a flaw. I think it would be interesting.
"Aermyst shrugged defensively, still smiling."
If I realized I had buried my best friend I would be horrified, apologetic, and, of course, thrilled to see him. Not defensive.
"A brother would not have left me dead on the sand.
"I lost my soul, Aermyst. I would do anything to get it back. Anything. Including selling yours. And you call me brother."
Dialogue seems way off here. Is he accusing Aermyst or himself of being a poor brother?
Why is the wine so hot?
Why did Dante even bother to pretend for Deragon if he was so upset and has no problem dropping the act as he takes over later? I am really having trouble with his motivation, at least I'd like to see a bit more consistency.
I thought Ilis was abducted and she was allowed to pack and plan it all so carefully? Either way, I wouldn't describe her pack so much unless it becomes way important later.
"He wore black clothes, and his boots were polished black. He wore black gloves that encased his slim fingers."
Unless you have a good reason for it, dressing the villain in black just seems WAY too obvious.
The panthers showing up just seems a bit too conveniently placed for me to buy it.
Wow, are the panthers usually that vicious? If so, I would think they would have been more prepared for it.
Overall impression:
I would look over the Dante section again, just for flow and dialogue stuff. It really seems off to me for some reason... inconsistent at the very least. I was happy to see Dante again, but now it just makes things even more mysterious. I really think you should be giving a lead on some of this stuff soon. No more wondering/hanging around aimlessly, because I honestly feel like you reached your quota on that, but it was a good chapter overall and I am interested to see some more interaction with these characters. Good job.
Edit:
But Dantes is alive! Yea! And boy is he pissed! Now don’t get me wrong, I would be too, but… It comes off a little contrived. Be mad or not, the going back and forth for Deragon’s sake throws it off a little, for me.
This is the real point of the submission. Dantes. I tried to poke a little bit of fun at the audience through him; so you thought that this was Aermyst's story, did you? Of course only the POV character could survive the terrible attack...you arrogant bastard!
Oh, by the way, that struck me as really funny. I like it when authors/characters poke fun at me