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Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: October 16, 2010, 10:17:04 PM »
I also like to send in a new chapter on monday.
Max is a Shadowblade, a supernatural--and supernaturally competent--warrior bound to protect her witch Giselle. As a Shadowblade, Max doesn't age. She is better, faster, stronger than any ordinary human being. And she hates it. Giselle betrayed her trust to make Max what she is, and though she is magically compelled to protect Giselle and follow orders, Max works against her witch in every way she can. Continue reading Bitter Night
Review by Silk
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One thing that didn't work for me was the first paragraph.
And, much as I hate to say it, I'm still not seeing why Dais is even with them to begin with.
Hope this was helpful!
Avoid passive voice, if you can.
This is the first chapter I've read so obviously I'm a bit in the dark as to what's going on. I think using italics for thoughts would make it easier to discern Rosalin's thoughts.
Even though I'm unfamiliar with the story, I'm interested in the direction its heading and for just picking it up: that's a good thing.
and in about 3 seconds
However, in order to override those last two objections, I made changes that, in my opinion, make it a different story. And as a result, Isis is now liked and her death seems the wrong ending.