Again I like this chapter more than I did the previous, just like chapter one was better than the prologue. Not because the writing has improved as such, since I still see all the same issues, but because the new character is more enjoyable and feels more fleshed out – like you’re learning with every character point of view you write.
Lorn has a lot of problems on his mind and while the prologue hinted at the fact that he and his men are not simple it’s good to see this is actually the case. He also wants to do something about those problems, which is better than Ciera’s avoidance of confrontation and Destra’s mindless hating.
Now, on to the issues. The passive voice: “He had targeted”, “had been a gamble”, “he had done this”, “had lost”, “had failed”. These happened in and around a single paragraph right at the start. I can’t stress enough that passive voice weakens the power of your writing. As the writer it can be hard to detect sometimes, but it’s well worth the effort if you can weed it out and believe me there’s a lot to weed out.
Again you use ‘loose’ instead of ‘lose’. Loose is the opposite of tight, it’s also an adjective. On the other hand lose is a verb for suffering loss or to miss. In general you’ll probably use ‘lose’ a lot more than you do ‘loose’. Case in point, every case of ‘loose’ in your work up to this point should actually be ‘lose’.
The chapter also feels more bloated than it should. The first four pages of the prologue were mostly exposition, while Destra ran for her life. The first four pages here are exposition on what’s happened before while Lorn lies in bed sulking and planning. Sulking and planning is not interested, executing the plan (or doing anything at all really) can be interesting.
As such the chapter gets better in the latter half, starting from around page six, when Lorn starts doing things and interacting with people. We just had five pages exposing his guilt through telling, while the better option would be to show us the guilt he feels through dialogue with his friends/culprits.