Timewaster's Guide Archive

@Hobbun: I am not criticizing Brandon. All I am saying is that his style of writing is the polar opposite of Robert Jordan. You can see the difference in the first part of the prologue. The book was done well. He did a poor job with Matt. It wasn't awful, but poor. It is the kind of thing that I think alot of people would get wrong. Matt is tricky to write. How to make him matt without making him a dope.

Brandon is a darker writer than Robert and a more straight to the point writer. His writing style is closer to what you often see in a modern thriller. Robert Jordan keeps a slower pace and is more flowery. He is closer to a leisurely Tolkein style, but if Jordan wrote the Lord of the Rings with would be 8 books instead of 3 due to all the details.

Another example. Did you see the Suvudu Death Matches where different fantasy characters fought each other? Patrick Rothfuss's character Qvothe fought George RR Martins character Jaime. They each did a write up of their scene. When you read each of their stories you will think that they nailed their characters but the other guys characters don't have quite the correct voice . That being said, it is not fair to expect Brandon to copy another authors style. I don't think Robert Jordan could copy Brandon's style.

I thought he did fine with Mat. Seemed perfectly in character to me. That was what surprised me most about the reactions to TGS, people feeling that Mat was out of character.

I suppose it goes back to that interview Peter posted the link to, in which Brandon said people come into the story with their own ideas on how the character is supposed to be, after reading them for 11 books. I felt Mat was one of the most spot-on in terms of characterization in TGS; the only one I really felt was off, and not by near enough to make me upset, was Siuan Sanche, and some bits of Gareth Bryne. I loved their scenes, but I felt the characters were off a bit.

Also, Brandon isn't trying to write like Jordan. He's said he feels that if he attempted to copy Jordan's style, it would come across as parody. What he is trying to do is write like the Wheel of Time.

Random Freds? I see no random Freds... I also continue to not see anything from Renoard...

Oh good, he'll be in the Chicago area. And it looks like he is using the same bookstore as where he signed at for TGS. Which works for me as it is only about 20 minutes from my house, at the most.   

Nice!

Uh... could you give me directions?

Well, off the top of my head, I don't think having Aryl and Janna vs everyone else would work for the story. Someone trying to shut them down, for whatever reason, feels like a more novel-length conflict, is more external, and would make it seem more like a cheesy comedy where the plucky underdogs have to raise enough money to save the youth center and it all culminates in a dance-off or something. And while I feel epic dance-offs are sorely lacking in fantasy these days, it wouldn't work.

The conflict there is, and the tension there is, is all character-based. So I'd keep in with the characters. Tension between Aryl and Janna, or Janna and her father, or just more obvious internal tension for Aryl and/or Janna. Not too angsty, of course, but enough for the reader to know that there is a problem. Showing more internal conflict for Aryl might be enough to give it that tension, without seeming angsty, and without telegraphing the ending too much.

In fact, now that I think on it, doing that with Aryl might work best. I'd have to give it another read to be certain, but it seemed throughout the story that things were going hunky-dory for her, and that she seemed happy, but then all of a sudden she leaves.

It is a bit hard to see without seeing it directly. I can only suggest trying some different ideas and see which works best and keeps the tone of the story. I can only suggest to stick with internal... or maybe have a small external conflict in that they have opposition, but together they've managed to keep it from becoming too big of a problem. But then Aryl leaves, and then... I dunno. Just a random train of thought I lost in the midst of typing it.

...The exciting version, however, involves corruption, deceit, monumental explosions and plenty of violence.
It all ends with me receiving a free copy of the book after I saved the Queen from ninja assassins. 

That happened to you too? If your ninja assassins were also monkeys, I'm gonna freak...

Well, I looked at the tour dates and found one in Chicago. That's the closest it's coming to me, so I'm working with it. I've already requested a few days off from work to go down there, and hopefully one of my cousins will be willing to give me a place to crash if I need it. Now I just need to determine how I'm making the trip down with no car...

That was...very interesting. In a very good way.

First of all, I loved the writing. It was very clear and very translucent. The whole story felt more like a series of pictures in my mind rather than words on a screen. Obviously, this is a good thing.

Aryl and Janna (who I keep typing as 'Jannas', a character in one of my own stories ) are interesting. It wasn't too hard for me to determine who was the viewpoint for each section. You didn't reveal them by name until a bit late in some spots, but I also noticed that, unless I'm mistaken, Aryl's sections are written in present tense, whereas Janna's are in past. It could be slightly jarring at time, moving from present into past and vice-versa, but mostly it flowed pretty well. I only wonder what the reason for this is.

The conflict is entirely internal, which gives it a feeling of 'nothings really happening'. Obviously, this isn't the case, but it comes across that way until the very end. I wasn't really surprised by the end; the lack of interest anyone has in the city seemed to telegraph that one of our viewpoints, despite how much they've put into this project, was going to leave. I suspected Aryl, and was proven right.

And I think I just figured out why the shift in tenses. Aryl, if I'm not mistaken, is more present-oriented. She focuses on what is happening in the present, and with the Anchor thriving, all there is to focus on it managing it. Compared to setting it up and getting the project going, this lacks excitement. She's able to see her life stagnating, not going anywhere (or, at least, not going where she wants it to) because of this mindset.

Janna, on the other hand, is more past-minded. She remembers and thinks on things after they've happened, and is able to think on the past and what has occurred, see where they started and what they have since accomplished. Which is why, I think, she stayed while Aryl left; Janna could not give up on what they have accomplished, after all the work they had done, while Aryl didn't see a need for her presence any more, as the Anchor was successful. She didn't see herself as needed anymore, and felt she needed to move on to accomplish more.

I hope all of that made sense. It does it my head. (Keep in mind, though, that I just watched all three Lord of the Rings movies with RiffTrax in one sitting, and I'm probably not thinking too clearly.)

That sudden realization threw off the rest of my train of thought, but I don't think there was anything else I wanted to comment on. I would have liked to see a bit more external conflict, but at the same time realize it might not have fit the tone of the story. It comes across as very naval-gazy, but manages to avoid over-angstyness, so this can be forgiven.

A very strong submission, overall. One of the few short stories I've read that actually works for me as a short story. I don't read a lot of short stories, though, so take that as you will

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Can taking another shot of Trinnium change the previous future you saw? Could the king just keep drinking the stuff until he got a more satisfactory future?

I may need to address in the story itself, but: no, and no.

The lack of tension is a problem. I hadn't considered that when I came up with the stuff. I know it's possible to write unchangeable foretellings in a way that creates tension, because I've seen it done before (specifically, both Min's viewings and Aes Sedai Foretellings in the Wheel of TIme). I'll have to work on that.

Well, the way they work in The Wheel of Time is that they're vague and have to be deciphered. Nobody quite knows what they mean, when they're supposed to happen, or even if they've already happened. They also don't happen all the time, and cannot be summoned at will. Dreaming, the Foretelling, Min's Visions

Trinnium visions appear to be absolute, and how they are witnessed isn't muddled or confusing. They're very straightforward. If they required deciphering, or maybe if there was a limit to how much you could have in any given time frame (like, say, more than a pint in one year and your mind becomes trapped in seeing the future forever or something) to prevent massive over-use, it might help things.

Or have the Trinnium stolen. Nothing more fun that forcing your characters to give up a crutch and watching them try to stay upright.