Cripes, Frog. You just
had to name your protagonist
Aishia, didn't you? Now I'll get that song in my head whenever I read one of your submissions.
Ok. Ancient viral videos aside, I do think the alternate chapter 1 is livelier and more interesting, and probably a better choice. The trouble is, it either needs more material or a transition, because going from that straight to Aishia would be a bit jarring.
Actually, the jump from this to what is currently Raven/Mordin's first appearance would be even more jarring without more of a transition. Something, at least, to denote the passage of time. It occurs to me that this could work as a prologue. I didn't really like your current prologue anyway—it was a bit vague and hard to get into, and as it stands it isn't really adding much to the story.
Of course, it's hard to tell if I would think the same way if I had read the alternate chapter one with fresh eyes—i.e. without the prior knowledge granted by reading the rest of what you've submitted.
On your writing: it's generally quite good; you do characterization well, and your prose generally gets out of the way (though you do have a tendency to use the wrong words for things at times. One example I remember is having Illian grab the "helm" of her sword. Swords have hilts; heads have helms. Also, as has become obligatory for my critiques, I feel to mention the need for a good copyedit). Your dialog is a bit flat, though, and I don't have a good sense of any of your settings. Work on being a bit more descriptive so we can form a better mental picture of what is happening.
On the current setup: please don't turn this into "Harry Potter with girls". Also, I feel like Aishia's parents should have put up more of a fuss. Nobody in this land seems to trust this odd foreign Bearer, so I feel like her parents would have been rather less accepting of her running off with her.
On your world: interesting, if a bit of a mongrel. I get the impression you want to include everything from everywhere, which is not the approach I would have taken, and at at times I feel the many different mythologies you're pulling together clash too much. But! If you feel you can pull it off then have at it. Also:
I hate elves. Thhhhbbbt.
At this point I feel it's quite obvious that Aishia will become that loner goddess's Bearer. I hope to be proven wrong.
This random lump of critique brought to you by the Association for Random Useless Lumps of Critique, of which I am a founding member.