This is mostly for Stacer and Ms. Fish, who helped a lot with this particular revision. Â Just thought I'd let you know the changes that I made, based on your reccomendations:
Joshua,
Alcatraz rewrite is done. Â This is a good one--I think I finally have things finished. Â And, I hope that your concerns about the book are now resolved.
Here is a small list of changes I've made to the text. Â I'll put the book itself into the mail today or tomorrow, along with the contracts that I still have.
Alcatraz Revision 6.0
* I figured that "Inner World" an "Outer World" were too confusing. Â A lot of readers couldn't keep them straight. Â So, now they are "The Free Kingdoms" for the continents we Americans don't know about and "Bibliovania" for the nations controlled by the Librarians.
* Â Â Â I heightened the tension a bit at the beginning of the book, as Joshua asked. Â I think the particular problem was that I never established that there was a time requirement on getting the Sands back. Â So, I mentioned in a couple of places that smelting the Sands of Rashid into Lenses would only take a few hours, and after that it would be too late--the Librarians would have a dangerous weapon. Â I think this makes the story more tense.
* I made Alcatraz and Bastille fifteen, instead of fourteen, based on recommendations from people who know more about YA than I do. Â
* Â Â Â I've weakened (slightly) Alcatraz's understanding of why forces his foster parents to abandon him. Â That way, when he discovers that he drives people away intentionally, it's a stronger climax. Â