Corrupt a wish foundation.

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

You know what you are doing with your life, and that is robbing people named Dan Wells.

I still wish for a nice big house.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

you have a nice big house, but it's filled with slime creatures that like to hump your leg.

I wish I had stayed home and gotten some rest today.

[Tekiel]

You do stay home, but only because the bubonic plague condemned you and everyone in your home, forcing you to never leave untill (if?) you get over it.

I wish all my students would bring back their homework.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

They do, but they weren't lying about the dog having eaten it.

I wish I had a nice computer

[42]

You have a nice computer, it's just plotting to take over the world with floppy drives and 64k of RAM.

I wish I weren't so sleep deprived.

[House of Mustard]

You have plenty of sleep -- you've been in a coma for fourteen years.

I wish I'd remembered to grab something for breakfast before coming to work.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

You did, but what you grabbed was slimy, squishy, and of indeterminate shape. Tastes like chicken though.

I wish I wasn't bored out of my fricking mind right now.

[FirstMateJack]

Granted. You have now the memory of a goldfish. Everything is always new and exciting (much like the whale in Hitchikers guide)!!!

I wish random level 1 creeps (fluffy bunnies and little birds) really did drop small amounts of gold everytime you beat one up.

[House of Mustard]

They do, but the first time it happens you get locked up in prison for animal cruelty.

I wish I could get over this cold.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

You do, it becomes a full fledged exotic tropical disease which kills you.

I wish puppies werent so cute

[FirstMateJack]

All dogs now resemble Sam (http://www.samugliestdog.com/)
if they are a male, and a tiny, tiny, snouted, Barbara Streishand if they are female.

I wish that all asphalt roads were cement.

[MsFish]

They are, but they are all unfortunatly still wet.

I wish I wasn't such a sucker for a sob story.  (Picked up too many extra hours of work this week.)

[FirstMateJack]

You are suddenly an un-holy cross somewhere between Draco Malfoy, a especially anti-social lobster and the mean looking smiley ( )

I wish Mad Dr Jeffe's avatar would stop his temper tantrum. (I can't stop watching, 'cause I just know it's gonna stop, noone can scream that long!...can they?)

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

It stops, but only because armagedon has come, and since it was the prophet fortelling armagedon it just smirks as you plea for mercy.

I wish I owned a candy factory.

[House of Mustard]

You do, and it's staffed with beautiful women, all of whom are desperately in love with you.  You make tons of money, and have a great big house on the hill, and all your wildest dreams come true.  But you can never enjoy any of it, because you keep waiting for something to be wrong.

I wish my next book would get on Oprah's book club.