Keys to the apartment

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

Who bought the extra key? He did. Who is responsible for the extra money? He is. Plain and simple. He carries a key, or he pays money to be let in. You dont get to be an adult without some of the responsibilities that requires. Carrying a key is one of them. He had multiple options, carrying his own key, calling, waiting nearby with friends even walking down to 7-11 for a slurpee for a little bit until you came home. Just walk up to him and say the complex wants him to pay his 25 bucks. Dont even mention yourself or other roommates in the equation. They did it for him, so say they asked for his money by name.

[Peter Ahlstrom]

Huh. Is nobody with me on this? Any female perspective? (They might be more sympathetic.)

It's his apartment, more or less. He picked it out and moved in 2 weeks before I got back from Japan. It was his idea for us to move in together in the first place. He got me my interview that got me my job where I work very happily.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

If you want to pay it, pay it. I still think that its his fault, and his responsibility to pay. Besides nothing says pushover like a friend whos willing to fork over money for other peoples debts. I know from experience, I borrow from them.

[EUOL]

You know, Jeffe, some of us like to think of "Paying another man's debts" as being something known as "Charitable."  

However, I do think this is an issue that deserves some discussion with your friend.   You may be getting married soon, Ookla, but you'll want to be spending evenings with your fiancée.  Nothing messes up a man's schedule like a woman.  Your friend has to know that he can't count on you to be home--your life has suddenly become far more unpredictable.  What if Karen needed a ride or something?

I say get a key and hide it by the door.  Yes, this could let someone else in, but it's probably the best solution.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

EUOL, really... I dont think you know enough about me or the way I am around my people ITRW to lecture me. I am a very generous person to know, and do a lot for other people.
Having said that, the reason Ookla needs to make the other guy pay is that the other guy needs to learn his lesson. It seems like if Ook really wanted to just do the charitable thing this wouldnt have even become a topic on this board. If Ookla pays now for something the roommate should have known, that person will subconsciously expect treatment like this again and again. If he cant pay 25 bucks then some agreement needs to be reached, but its not like its 500 dollars. In addition, the fact that it is "his" apartment makes him even more responsible for it. Who relies on their roommate to carry the key to the apartment. Weird.

[fuzzyoctopus]

Huh. Is nobody with me on this? Any female perspective? (They might be more sympathetic.)

It's his apartment, more or less. He picked it out and moved in 2 weeks before I got back from Japan. It was his idea for us to move in together in the first place. He got me my interview that got me my job where I work very happily.

As long as your paying the $25 won't cause resentment on your part, it makes sense to me.  Keeping the peace means a lot, especially when you're living with someone.  But some ppl who would begrudge the money and kind of hold it over his head or something.  

So if you want to, just pay the $25, BUT only if this issue has already been addressed between the two of you - i.e. he won't do this again next week and expect you to pay the $25 a second time.

[EUOL]

Jeffe:  No offense intended.  I just didn't want Ookla to think that everyone would consider him a 'pushover' if he paid his friend's debt.  (Note that, however, I don't know you in real life--so I have nothing to judge my comments on beyond your posts.  Why react harshly when I say something about charity after you imply that you liked to exploit your friends for their money?)

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

mainly because I was kind of joking, but also mainly because it sounded like you were trying to lecture me or impose your morality upon me and I don't really like that.

[EUOL]

And you, by making your comments, are trying to impose your ideas upon Ookla.  That's part of discussion, advice, and the forum environment.  Please don't take offense at what people say--accept their comments as their opinions, just as they accept what you say as your opinions.  I believe it is especially important to be patient on a forum board, such as this one, because we don't have body language or vocal cues to guide us.

My words are not intended to deride; they are voiced to make my opinion known.  

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

The difference is that ookla asked for an opinion on the subject. My response did not mean that I asked for you opinion of my answer. Big difference between the two in my mind. Plus my opinion was also not directed at Ookla, and could not be interperited to mean that he was an uncharitable or a bad person. Where your words could have been. Of course I understand what you mean now, but I still don't like what you said. Mainly because I found it to be a little rude and out of place.

I've been avoiding the issue, but now the management has sent us a nice little note saying "give us our $25."

Ookla it may be noted doesnt really seem to want to pay for his roomates mistake, and is willing to do so only in the name of friendship which is noble enough. But remember ookla didnt forget his key, and didnt forget to call, or think of some other way to deal with the problem. 25 bucks wont ruin a friendship, at least a good one, and I just dont see a reason for him to pay the thing. Unless of course the guys broke, or there are other circumstances involved. But since I dont know of any I cant make any suggestions based on that.

[fuzzyoctopus]

Female opinions!  Female!

[EUOL]

Jeffe:  Looking back at my post, I see that it could have come off rather snippety.  You have my apologies.  

[Spriggan]

Yea for immaturity and irresponsibility!

[Peter Ahlstrom]

Our relationship is a decidedly odd one. I've never had one like this with anyone before. Pretty much the only thing we have in common is manga. We work together well enough, and have lunch together pretty much every day, but our philosophies on everything else are quite in opposition. So we don't tend to talk all that much at all on any subject. The most in-depth conversation we've had has been over the I, Robot and Spiderman 2 movies. Okay I suppose that reveals more in common than manga, but we're still rather different--his attitude on religion, for example, is probably somewhere on the range of contempt.

If it were anyone else I would without question tell him I refused to pay it. Any of you who know me should know to one extent or another how I despise duplicity and not telling people exactly how you feel. Everyone who's saying I shouldn't pay is using arguments that make perfect sense and ring true with my personal views on how things should be. But in this case knowing him has proven to be most advantageous to my life in ways I definitely had no way of predicting.

So at the current moment I think I shall end up paying it. I'm not sure if I will bring it up ahead of time or just do it...but anyway, thanks for listening to my rant. I guess somewhere in this thread I forgot it was a rant and actually started looking for advice, but it's good I got that out of my system. (Just kidding. Actually I appreciate all the comments. Glad my desire to not pay it is fully justified in the eyes of pretty much everyone here.)

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

If you're going to pay in the interest of peace, I can understand that.  But I urge you in the strongest possible terms to bring it up with him first. He needs to understand what you're doing and why, or it's going to happen again. You're getting married soon and make less money, you need that cash more than he does.