Timewaster's Guide Archive
Departments => Movies and TV => Topic started by: Slant on January 17, 2003, 02:10:22 AM
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Okay ladies and gentlemen, the question for the night is "What would you consider the absolute WORST film ever put on the screen?"
My personal vote: I Spit On Your Grave.
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pearl harbor
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Legend
I was going to say Robot Jox but a) I wasn't sure straight to video counted, and b) I think Legend was actually worse.
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I was going to say Speed 2, but I think I might have to go with Spriggan on this one--Pearl Harbor was way worse.
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It required a lot of thought, but Pearl Harbor gets my vote as well.
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Suddenly, I'm glad to have never seen Pearl Harbor.
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In addition to I Spit On Your Grave, I also rate all the various Faces of Death films as true low points of cinema history. I'm not certain, but I can only hope that they were never released on the Big Screen.
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Two words: Kangaroo Jack.
Actually, I have some more words about this atrocity. It was first envisioned as an adult caper movie with a skinny-dipping scene, but the silliness of the premise dawned on the production team somewhere along the line and it was retooled on the fly as a kids' movie. Jerry Bruckheimer is evil. "My name is Jackie Legs, and I want to say 'Hello!' A-hip hop, a hippy hippy hippy to the hip hip hop you don't stop..."
*shiver*
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Speaking of rotten movies, I found an extremely funny quote the other day:
I just saw Titanic, which is a $200 million film about a real-life disaster at sea, but, according to Hollywood Logic, none of the actual passengers was interesting enough, so the writer-director had to invent a Romeo and Juliet-style fictional couple to heat up the catastrophe. This seems a tiny bit like giving Anne Frank a wacky best friend, to perk up that attic.
-Libby Gelman-Waxner, Premiere
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That reminds me of Roger Eberts description of Pearl Harbor, in which "a somber Japanese army stages a brutal sneak attack on an American love triangle."
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Excellent commentary on both movies.
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One brief thought on Kangaroo Jack:
If Paul Hogan were dead, he'd be rolling over in his grave.
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I don't think Paul Hogan has much room to complain. Crocodile Dundee 3?
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No matter how bad the sequels were, you can't take anything away from the fun of the original Croc Dundee. I WOULD like to nominate another movie as an all-time stinker. Three, actually. First goes to a C-movie called Evil Toons (which actually co-starred David Carradine), the other two are Battlefield Earth and Planet of the Apes (recent version). Two examples of films which could have raised science fiction filmmaking to a higher standard, but instead only made all genre fans cringe in shame.
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:o Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!! its got to be this pile of rubbish!http://www.badmovies.org/movies/alienprey/index.html
check it out if you dare, i hate this film with a passion!!! >:(
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I don't know. I haven't seen that many movies, but I'm gonna nominate Star Wars Christmas Special for at least a runner up to Kangaroo Jack or Battlefield Earth.
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As awful as the Christmas Special was (and in truth it was pretty stomach-turning) I still enjoy is just for the nostalga value. Plus, animated Boba Fett could still whup any other animated character's butt.
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Ive got you beat,
Whoopi Goldberg's "The Telephone"
The most Godawful piece of trash I ever saw.
http://www.harrynilsson.com/movie-8-1690.html
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mission to mars is a really bad film and it made its way to the cinemas and even worse i saw it. man i feel so ashamed
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El Jeffe did you use a search engine for that one?
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If you mean to find the review yes, if you mean to watch the movie .... no. I saw it. I wish I could cleanse my mind of it. It is horrible.......
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One that I saw and hated? the 'new' version of godzilla. It made no sense in the end and Godzilla was just no his (her ??? ) lovable self.
either that or the new Planet of the apes. It would have been great if they have ended it 2 minutes earlier.
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well, not great, but tolerable.
and g-zilla isn't supposed to make sense as anythign but an excuse as a big lizard to run around. And that was fun for me. It was far from "worst"
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I just expected the old, lovable radioactive lug. The movie had his name, but none of his style
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yeah, that would be disappointing. I've found that likeing or not likeing movies has a lot to do with the expectations set and then either fulfilled or crushed. I don't think I expected anythign like the old movies though. The commercials were pretty clear to me that there was a new feeling to it.
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The only thing I found entertaining in the godzilla movie was Jean Reno doing his Elvis imitation. I paid six bucks for two seconds of entertainment! Ugh! And Planet of the Apes was a debacle from start to finish. Awesome ape costumes, godawful script, wooden acting, and a horrible ending.
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To be honest, I had no hopes for a decent Heston-less Planet of the Apes and thought that for what it was, the movie was bearable (i.e. I can sit through it if I had to), but the end had me wishing there was more movie so I could walk out on it.
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I would like to take this moment to say . . . I've never seen Titanic. I've never seen Pearl Harbor. And I never will.
If the worst movie was just a bad movie that I've actually seen, I would have to say My Boyfriend's Back. Ten points if you even know what I'm talking about.
If the worst movie was one that I saw that dismally fell short of my expectations, it is Star Wars: Phantom Menace hands down. I was so excited for that movie, I watch the trailers over and over. And the movie was just . . . blah.
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Oh, hey Izzy. I was wondering who that was...
You know, one of the funny things about Star Wars: TPM for me was that I really loved it the first time. I really did. It wasn't until I'd seen it many times that I realized how flat the acting was. And I still don't think it's a bad movie. It's a very fun movie; just with bad acting.
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SW:TPM was... uninspiring for me. Yeah, its star wars. Yeah, light sabers. Very nice. I had lotsa problems with it, mainly that there were a) no stormtroopers b) no darth vader and c) it was so *dumb*.
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Are you talking about My Boyfriend's Back, an old TV movie about the Bouffants? Yeah, that was pretty bad.
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Despite it all, I'm going to have to throw my vote for Battlefield Earth. It just was really, really terrible. It beat out even the Dungeons and Dragons movie.
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I liked both of those movies, though I really wished they were called by different titles, because they failed to live up to thier respective properties.
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Nick Cage's Gone in 60 Seconds. That was a painful movie to watch.
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My sucky-sense went off when I saw the previews. Nick Cage NEEDS a good cast and an inherent lack of plot to appear to be a good actor.
The movies I though he was good in were the ones that didn't require acting (i.e The Rock, Con Air)
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I think the "Boyfriend's Back" being referred to is the late 80's flick about returning as a flesheating zombie and trying to live a normal high school life with that "disability." I thought it was pretty fuuny, but I watched that with my siblings and we tend to get pretty silly to start with.
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I bet I'm the only one here who follows the Cannes coverage (well, maybe Kilowatt), but there was a movie this year that has allegedly reached new heights of unparalleled badness. There have been several articles about it, but this sums it up best.
http://www.suntimes.com/output/eb-feature/cst-nws-ebertside25.html
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Ahh Brown Bunnie, hehe ya I read about that. Vincent Gallo also said just a few days ago he would never direct again. That article dosen't say why people were discusted with the ending, which was bascialy a 10 minute porno.
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No, he mentioned the porno.
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mmmm.... porn.
Wait, my wife isn't reading this, is she?
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So, if you were into pornography, then got out of it because you found religion, then eventually gave into your lusts and got back into it, would you be a Porn-Again Christian?
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Ugh, there's one thing I haven't missed about your long absence...
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Here, here, Tage.
10 points for the Saint! I actually did enjoy watching the movie, but I'm pretty sure it's the worst one I've watched on the screen. Drive-in actually.
Tage, of course it's me, who else? Of course it's been like 3 years and I finally figured out that Gareth was the Lt.
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Just going to posit that if you had fun watching it (for whatever reason), it can't be the "worst" But feel free to disagree.
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I think I just don't watch very many movies. But I think you're probably right. It was just the worst one I could come up with.
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You know, you're probably right there, SE. For all my claims that the films on my list were terrible, I did finish watching them all. I can only think of two movies that were so painful I left or turned them off.
1) Star Wars Christmas
2) Mortal Combat, the movie.