Timewaster's Guide Archive
Departments => Books => Topic started by: Miyabi on November 19, 2009, 09:10:48 AM
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I've found something WORSE! It's SOOOOO poorly written I can't even stand listening to it for more than five minutes.
It's called "Gamer Girl". Here's someone reading it on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnyPNdepDl8).
Here's a quote:
Maddy’s life: not so rockin’. Her parents split, she’s stuck in a new, small town at a school full of Aberzombies and Haters, she has a crush on someone she really shouldn’t like, and she’s stuck with the nickname Freak Girl.
Sometimes it’s enough to retreat into her drawing – her Manga is totally important to her – but when she gets Fields of Fantasy for her birthday, she knows she’s found the one place she can be herself. In the game world, Maddy can transform from regular outcast high school student to Allora, a beautiful Elvin Princess with magical powers to take down enemies with a snap of her fingers and wave of her wand.
As Allora, Maddy can totally be herself. She spends a lot of time questing with Sir Leo, a brave knight who seems to really like Allora, and maybe even the IRL (In Real Life) Maddy. Allora’s virtual life is perfect, but a real gamer girl understands that real life comes first – Maddy knows she can’t escape from her IRL problems. She has to find ways to kick back at the Haters, rock her manga and find the new, real life friends she knows she deserves.
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Lies! What you quoted is not a book. It is a tweeny-bopper's diary written in third person 'cause she's vain like that.
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Of course Twilight isn't the worst book ever written. Currently, that award goes to Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol. I thought everyone knew this...
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Lies! What you quoted is not a book. It is a tweeny-bopper's diary written in third person 'cause she's vain like that.
I dunno, it said it was a quote where I got the info from. Maybe that's what was actually on the back of the book.
haha.
@book - I haven't read that one, but I rather enjoy Dan's books, but then again, I just like conspiracy theories. h aha.
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That is not a book and niether is twilight.... in the biz we call 'em stories used as toilet wipes
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Guys, I actually know the worst published book ever. Have you heard of that new vampire flick called "True Blood"? It was actually not so bad of a TV series, so I picked up the book.
Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris
Worst mistake of my life. By the end of chapter 1, my brain was hemorrhaging uncontrollably.
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Guys, I actually know the worst published book ever. Have you heard of that new vampire flick called "True Blood"? It was actually not so bad of a TV series, so I picked up the book.
Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris
Worst mistake of my life. By the end of chapter 1, my brain was hemorrhaging uncontrollably.
At least that one gives you the nicety of killing you. Gamer Girl slowly tortures you into insanity.
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Guys, I actually know the worst published book ever. Have you heard of that new vampire flick called "True Blood"? It was actually not so bad of a TV series, so I picked up the book.
Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris
Worst mistake of my life. By the end of chapter 1, my brain was hemorrhaging uncontrollably.
Charlaine Harris' novels really aren't that bad. The TV series, in my opinion, is inferior to the novels. If you like Harris' humor, then you will like the series. The actual writing isn't bad in the least. It is clearly marketed to females who like to mix higher quantities of romance with Urban Fantasy. And, having met the author, she is quite cool.
Trust me when I say, that after running a book review website for a few months now, Harris' novels aren't even close to being bad, much less the worst ever. We'll publish our 2009 list of best and worst soon enough...
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Ooohh. That should be a fun list. I look forward to it with great anticipation.
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Are the Terry's on it? ;D
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If I told you, I'd have to kill you...with books by the Terry's.
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Is that the proper plural form of Terry? I mean that seems more like a possessive, but Terries doesn't work with it being a name, and Terrys just looks weird. Hmmm...
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Plural possessive would be Terrys'....
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When it comes to books, yes, Twilight is the worst book ever written.
But when it comes to fanfics? My Immortal definitely takes the cake. But at least that one's so bad you laugh pretty much the whole time.
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When it comes to books, yes, Twilight is the worst book ever written.
But when it comes to fanfics? My Immortal definitely takes the cake. But at least that one's so bad you laugh pretty much the whole time.
Did you listen to the book I linked? It's WAY worse than Twilight. I personally can't stand Twilight, but would rather read it than the one I linked to.
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I would agree...but that would mean i accept them as books.
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No, I didn't. I'd rather hold onto my brain cells. I need to be sparing with them after reading all the Twilight books.
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LOL.
Let's just say it sounds like an illiterate eight year old wrote it.
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I'll take your word on that one. Heheh.
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I have it!!! My brother and I had a good laugh over this http://www.amazon.com/Creators-Daniel-M-Dewey/dp/0578026880/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1264489074&sr=8-1 one the other night. He found out about it from an old friend, who just happens to be the author.
It was literally all I could do to keep from gagging (no, really, I did gag once or twice). Amazon has a preview so you can read the 1st few pages. If I were actually holding the book in my hands I would have dropped it in the trash after the 1st paragraph. As it was our mutual disgust turned to morbid curiosity. You will just have to check it out to see how bad it truly is.
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OK, you have me beat by far. I wanted to stop after reading the dedication, "To my Dog Fred" or whatever the dog's name was. Then after the first two sentences I want to gouge out my eyes. I finished a FULL page before I gave up completely.
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I read the first two pages. I was just curious to see if it got any better (read: less confusing). Not really. That first paragraph is REALLY bad. And has this person NEVER heard of the phrase 'show, don't tell'? Apparently not....And the comparisons. Ugh.
After that, I kind of want to go find Gamer Girl somewhere online and get further into it, even with the pink unicorns and totally-kissable Chad and all that (yes. I listened to far more of that person reading it on youtube than I should've....don't judge me).
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Yeah, I listened to that whole first video and part of the second one.
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I think I made it to the third, and then my mom (fortunately) called me in for dinner....I think.
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If it's worst than Moon People I can't read it... I need the brain cells for a test on Thursday.
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Yeah, we laughed that he used the word "darkness" like 8 times in 5 sentences and one of them has the word like 3 times. It is gagtastic.
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Yeah but moon people was worse.
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Twilight's real? ???
...I thought it was just a urban legend, meant to scare writers. Like the Writer's Block Imp, or Terry Brooks...
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Twilight's real? ???
...I thought it was just a urban legend
Oh, I rather like this world you live on. I want to join you....in a totally non-creeper sense. :P
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Twilight's real? ???
...I thought it was just a urban legend
Oh, I rather like this world you live on. I want to join you....in a totally non-creeper sense. :P
There are leprechauns here, Firefly lasted seven seasons, and Christopher Paolini never learned how to write. ^_^
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Seven seasons of Firefly? I'm in.
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. . . and Christopher Paolini never learned how to write.
Wait, that happened in this world.
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. . . and Christopher Paolini never learned how to write.
Wait, that happened in this world.
I meant physically. It's a tragic story when one loses hands, eyes and tongue at an early age due to a tragic ostrich-riding incident.
On another note, the ostrich is now an airline pilot.
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I'm assuming he still managed to get published as he dictated terrible naratives. I mean he has to be diabolical, wanting to stupify the human race with such bad writing, it's probably so he can start a tyranical rule.
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Kinda hard to dictate a narrative if you don't have a tongue. Not impossible, but difficult. I'm assuming he used Morse code?
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Firefly lasted seven seasons
Really, you had me at Stephenie Meyer (or the lack of), but this....Where do I sign up to get there? I already love this place.
Well. Actually, I need one more piece of information to confirm my love for it. How many seasons of Dollhouse are there?
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Kinda hard to dictate a narrative if you don't have a tongue. Not impossible, but difficult. I'm assuming he used Morse code?
All that tapping? Far as I know, everyone thought he was just begging for piano lessons...
Really, you had me at Stephenie Meyer (or the lack of), but this....Where do I sign up to get there? I already love this place.
Well. Actually, I need one more piece of information to confirm my love for it. How many seasons of Dollhouse are there?
After tonight's season finale, there was an interview with Sir Joss Whedon in which he gave hints as to what will come in the third season, and it's common knowledge that Fox is willing to give him anything he wants as long as he keeps the show on their network. I thought he might have switched during the Whedon Bidding Wars, but Fox managed to just barely come out on top.
And it's not all great books and Whedon-ness... the top-hatted samurai monkeys are a constant bother, and it's becoming more and more difficult to walk down the street without having to avoid a pirate fighting a ninja...
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Uh. Yeah. Definitely moving there, even with the pirate-fighting ninjas. The monkeys are almost a deal-breaker, but....the top hats just aren't enough to push them over the edge. I can deal....especially when I'm getting the better end of said deal. :)
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I thought it was universally agreed that the worst book ever was The Eye of Argon, for which the world record is reading about a paragraph before bursting out into hysterical laughter. :)
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I've never even heard of it.
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I don't know how I ever enjoyed Twilight, but it's not the worst.
Ever read Wren to the Rescue? That was frightening.
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Let me see if I have the text file on my computer, Miyabi...
Okay, I'll post a snippet. Enjoy XD
The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked
climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of the
Norgolian empire. Age worn hoof prints smothered by the sifting
sands of time shone dully against the dust splattered crust of
earth. The tireless sun cast its parching rays of incandescense
from overhead, half way through its daily revolution. Small
rodents scampered about, occupying themselves in the daily
accomplishments of their dismal lives. Dust sprayed over three
heaving mounts in blinding clouds, while they bore the burdonsome
cargoes of their struggling overseers.
"Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of
hell, barbarian", gasped the first soldier.
"Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death,
wretch!" returned Grignr.
A sweeping blade of flashing steel riveted from the massive
barbarians hide enameled shield as his rippling right arm thrust
forth, sending a steel shod blade to the hilt into the soldiers
vital organs. The disemboweled mercenary crumpled from his
saddle and sank to the clouded sward, sprinkling the parched dust
with crimson droplets of escaping life fluid.
The enthused barbarian swilveled about, his shock of fiery
red hair tossing robustly in the humid air currents as he faced
the attack of the defeated soldier's fellow in arms.
"Damn you, barbarian" Shrieked the soldier as he observed
his comrade in death.
A gleaming scimitar smote a heavy blow against the
renegade's spiked helmet, bringing a heavy cloud over the
Ecordian's misting brain. Shaking off the effects of the
pounding blow to his head, Grignr brought down his scarlet
streaked edge against the soldier's crudely forged hauberk,
clanging harmlessly to the left side of his opponent. The
soldier's stead whinnied as he directed the horse back from the
driving blade of the barbarian. Grignr leashed his mount forward
as the hoarsely piercing battle cry of his wilderness bred race
resounded from his grinding lungs. A twirling blade bounced
harmlessly from the mighty thief's buckler as his rolling right
arm cleft upward, sending a foot of blinding steel ripping
through the Simarian's exposed gullet. A gasping gurgle from the
soldier's writhing mouth as he tumbled to the golden sand at his
feet, and wormed agonizingly in his death bed.
...
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That's pure awesome. I want to read that book. It's almost as good as Axe Cop:
http://axecop.com/
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Whoever wrote that one was trying way too hard with their words. I must agree that that certainly isn't one of the best pieces of writing I've seen in a while.
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It can be found online, in its entirety. It's not an actual book, more of a short story, published in a fanzine by a sixteen-year-old scifi fan in the early seventies. It made it's rounds, eventually ending up in the hands of an actual author, who spread it around even further to great incredulity. The version online is actually incomplete, apparently, because much of the charm is lost without the illustrations that accompanied the original.
It's considered "one of the genre's most beloved pieces of appalling prose". The story has been used at scifi conventions as a party game, the challenge being to read the whole thing, aloud, with a straight face, without choking up or laughing. The grandmaster challenge is to do the same, but after inhaling helium.
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Ran across this (http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-vagina-ass-of-lucifer-niggerbastard/10891067) and thought of this thread.
(note: Naughty words. Everywhere)
I havent read the preview. I read the synopsis and that was enough. These are the problems self-publishing brings with it, if you ask me.
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yeah...wow. that's hitting the top of my list of things not to read.
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I DEMAND an Elitist Book review of that novel!
;D
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I DEMAND an Elitist Book review of that novel!
;D
I'm pretty sure that's a "don't hold your breath" sort of situation :P
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Sorry, too busy reading books that have actual value. We get requests all the time from self-published authors asking us to read their stuff. We say no.
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Sorry, too busy reading books that have actual value. We get requests all the time from self-published authors asking us to read their stuff. We say no.
Come on, you *KNOW* you want to.... :P