One of my roommates from back in the day used to have the following lines from the
King of Town's Character Page:
"Hello my loyal subjects! I'm the King of Town. Please remain standing while I finish my speech, and consume the contents of this bowl. *beep*"
Here's one of mine. I try to make fun of how every voicemail message tells you what to do, like we don't all know what a voicemail box is by now. I alternate between thinking it's lame and awesome:
"Hi! You've reached Ryan; or, rather, you would have if I'd picked up when you called. Since I didn't, you're stuck with this recording of my voice, which is a rather poor substitute. But, fear not! For behold, this is a 'Voicemail Box', and you can record a message that will socially obligate me to return your call. You can even fail to pick up when I call, thus evening the score.
P.S. This is an abnormally long voicemail message. Did you know you could have skipped it by pressing 'one'? It's true! Now you know."