Of all the criticisms of the LDS church, I actually think this one is the one that is the most difficult to answer. First off, let me say that I REALLY don't want to offend. It's hard to talk about homosexuality from my side of the debate without coming off as a homophobe. I don't think that I am. The problem is, however, that who you are is very important to you. By implying things about it--without having felt what you do--I wander into areas that make it easy to make errors in judgment. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't know everything and please don't be offended if I stick my foot im my mouth.
The LDS church takes a strong stance against homosexuality, but not against homosexuals. In fact, I've been very impressed with the church literature I've seen lately which encourages church leaders to be more understanding with this issue.
However, the honest truth is that we look at practicing homosexuality as wrong. It was taught against in the Bible repeatedly, and has been confirmed by modern revelation as a sin.
The problem is, in saying that, I risk implying that you're a bad person because you're a homosexual. I certainly don't mean to. It is not wrong to be homosexual. It's something physical within your genetic makeup. The homosexuals I've known--some are friends, one is my cousin--are not gay by choice. It is something that happened to them, and they'd much rather have been straight, since being gay leads to all kinds of trouble.
However, the difference in opinion we have is that we look at homosexuality as something innate, but still not right to act on. I'd relate it to alcoholism, if that didn't seem to downplay the issue. They aren't the same at all, but maybe the analogy can serve. A person can be a natural, physical, alcoholic. Does it make it all right for him to binge dink? No. Is he a bad person because he is susceptible to something others aren't? No. However, we believe that it's still better for him to resist than it is for him to give in. In many cases, sins happen when we give in to things that are natural impulses.
I can't claim to be an expert on this one. Heck, I don't think anyone can be unless they have felt it. And, I would point out that my personal belief is that it's no more wrong than sexual immorality of any kind. And, if it's monogamous like the relationships you've pointed out, then my opinion is that it's much less of a sin than--say--a man cheating on his wife. (Though, it's hard to rank sins, and I don't think it's very good to do so. When we do, we risk getting into "Yeah, but at least I'm not as bad as THAT guy over there.)
Will my cousin go to hell because he's gay? Of course not. He's a wonderful person. He's not LDS, never has been, but he is one of the nicest, kindest people I know. Will he have troubles if he doesn't eventually accept Christ? Yeah, I think he'll wish that he had. Would he be better off if he decided to not act on his homosexual tendencies? I honestly think that he would. Of course, I'd be better off if I could stop being as lazy as I am in a lot of areas in my life. We all have issues, and one of the thing Christ repeats over and over is that we shouldn't judge others because of their sins.
Personally, I think God is going to be a ton more accepting of this one than he is of a lot of other things. If your body is telling you one thing, it's tough to accept it when someone tells you the opposite because of words they've read in a book or spiritual experiences they've had. Who are they to say what is right and wrong for you? My only suggestion on this would be the following: only God can really have anything convincing to say on the topic.
If you want to know some more of actual church talk about this, and you aren't quick to be offended by people who take it as given that what you feel is wrong, then do a search for 'same sex attraction' over at
www.lds.org. However, here's what one Church leader (elder oaks, one of our apostles) said:
“The person that’s working to resist those tendencies ought not to feel himself to be a pariah. Now, quite a different thing is sexual relations outside of marriage. A person engaging in that kind of behavior should well feel guilt. They should well feel themselves estranged from God, who has given commandments against that kind of behavior. It’s not surprising to me that they would feel estranged from their church. What surprises me is that they would feel that the Church can revoke God’s commandments. To the woman taken in adultery (which is a pretty good precedent for us), the Savior was merciful and loving, but he said, ‘Go thy way and sin no more.’ He loved the sinner; he condemned the sin. I think the Church does the same thing, imperfectly perhaps, but that’s what we teach our members: love the sinner, condemn the sin."
How's that? Now, reading it, I think I seem a lot more apologetic than I really need to be. I don't intend to sound ashamed of what I believe, because I'm not. I have confidence in the teachings of the savior. However, this is a touchy issue, and one that isn't nearly as easy to answer as most religious questions.