42's Therapy Thread

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure what you're asking.

Though it seems like you just want to do something with your life. Does that something rely on the reaction of other people to you? well, that may be a tough goal to deal with. YOu can't control what other people think of you. You can try, but being famous isn't necessarily something you have control over. Want to just be accomplished so YOU feel like you've done something of value? That's easier. Though you're going to have to learn to discipline yourself and work on things. Get good at something that interests you and that you can apply. Then work on it. This takes practice and a lot of work.

[Mistress of Darkness]

But I also can't really change my routine. I'm locked in.

Don't give in to defeatistism. (That would be my unprofessional, opinionated opinion) This is one of the worst things you can let yourself fall into, and I say that because I've watched my best friend do it to herself for the past 4 years or so. "I can't change this until I find some better doctors or better meds to help my condition." And so she remains unemployed, living in her parents house.

The commute sucks, I will agree, and it leaves so little time to play, but I think Kristi is right. You need to take some time for yourself, to do something you want to do. Maybe you'll enjoy it, maybe you won't, but at least you took sometime off from the daily grind. I know I get really emotionally tired after months of denial, of not buying any of the 20 things on my wishlist, because we don't have the money, or not doing something for me because I don't have the time--there are all these things I need to get done.

It sounds like this is what you are suffering from. Too much self-denial. I guess all I can say is that it's important enough that you should try find a way to do something that you want to do.

I can offer a game of StarCraft (my current favorite thing to do with my husband--I know it's really old, but I still can't play SC well, why should I try to learn WCIII?), an online rp session over IM (I find this to be very cathartic, especially when our rp group can't get together, something about running through all of the emotions of my character in a short period of time--we could rp out something between Smiddy and Koree that we wouldn't have time for in the board game), or just a chat (and you can kick me in the butt so I actually write some reviews). Just some ideas.

Stacer, here's my suggestion. If you are focusing on something so much that it's causing problems, focus on something else. Realize that he's probably feeling the same way, so look for ways that you can make him feel more comfortable, rather than for ways you can "act normal". I think reading scriptures with Steve helped us when we were dating. But maybe that's too much, so find something simple that you can do together, so you can practice interacting with him at this different level of your relationship.

The thing that helped me the most was talking about how we (Steve and I) saw the relationship, where we saw it going, etc. I know it's bold, but it sounds like you are both good enough friends to be frank with each other. And I know you're not the kind of person to go all freaky about it. Just keep it casual. You are showing him that you care by trying to understand where he is coming from. At least that's the theory, maybe the boys have a different perspective, but if your unable to act normally around him because you are unsure of where the relationship is, and where it is going, then asking is probably the best option.

Again, just my unprofessional, opinionated opinion.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

ok, i'm not entirely locked in. I just dont' have any acceptable alternatives. I don't have sick leave built up, and I may need that for real later on anyway. I only have 10 vacation days a year, and that's already dedicated to different trips to be taken later this year.
Shopping spree is out, we're still working on the month to month bits. The next time I have a free moment is two weeks from now, so when do I do something fun? Staying up late has started to suck more and more. Used to be I could stay up till all hours, but  I need to get up early, and it's harder to function here without sleep (they actually want me to work and not jsut sit and be surly, guess that's what the pay raise was for). So, while I'd love a viable option, I just don't see any.

[42]

My mother used to tell me that when I was young she would get really stressed out with having to take care of six children, three of them being babies. So she would get up early and take a book and a canteen of hot chocolate. Then she would drive to the Church parking lot and just sit in the car and read for a twenty minutes or so, then go home. The point is to take a little time to regroup now and again.

I also have a lot of worksheets on stress-management, from my bio-feedback/stress-management sessions. Things like visualization and self-hypnosis work best for me. I can try to scan some of them and send them to you if you want.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

that would be mighty cool of you.

I'm sure my wife thinks I spend a lot of time on myself already. Probably I do. But it's not distraction free, so in my mind it doesn't count. As long as I am still responsible for answering any cries for help, it's not "me" time.

[stacer]

As long as I am still responsible for answering any cries for help, it's not "me" time.

Doesn't that rule out most of your time once you become a parent? You may not see any "me" time till you retire.

Personally, sometimes I think I have too much "me" time. My whole life is about me right now. Sometimes I realize that if I focused a little more outwardly (service, interest in other's days, watching out for my roommates' struggles, etc.), then I wouldn't have so much time to allow myself to magnify my insignificant problems.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Of course I don't have much (if any) me time. I thought that was my point.

[fuzzyoctopus]

that would be mighty cool of you.

I'm sure my wife thinks I spend a lot of time on myself already. Probably I do. But it's not distraction free, so in my mind it doesn't count. As long as I am still responsible for answering any cries for help, it's not "me" time.

Sound a lot like my husband.  So since your wife knows you pretty well, I can bet she knows how you feel, even if she doesn't understand it.  My husband has the same problem- he'll spend 5 hours at the computer doing (in his words) nothing, and then complain he doesn't have any time for himself.  You need to figure out what ACTIONS will make you feel better and do that with your little spare time instead of just "doing nothing" in it.

[stacer]

The thing that helped me the most was talking about how we (Steve and I) saw the relationship, where we saw it going, etc. I know it's bold, but it sounds like you are both good enough friends to be frank with each other.

No, I definitely don't see a need for any kind of DTRing at this point. I think I just need to make myself to concentrate on other things, like finishing the papers I still have hanging over my head from last semester, getting a nap in before books & basketball tonight, making plans with friends so that I'm still busy enjoying my life, etc.

And Saint, that was my poor attempt to tease. I have no basis for comparison. Like I said, I have the opposite situation and have no idea what it must be like.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

oh, missed that. sorry.

Fuzzy, well, see... the problem is, and I know this sound slike an excuse, but I have this severe ADHD problem, which makes it hard to focus on something sometimes when I have distractions unless I'm INCREDIBLY dedicated to getting it done. NaNoWriMo showed that if I have enough dedication and time, I can do a lot. But I sacrificed a LOT of family time that month, so that's not workable. Sometimes, and I haven't figured out how to predict this either, I can hyperfocus anyway on minutia, like cataloguing CDs or something. I'm not entirely sure how it works.

Plus a lot of the time I don't think i'm doing nothing. I'm usually TRYING to do someting productive. Though my wife does have no conception sometimes of things I think are important.

[fuzzyoctopus]

I think that sounds less like an excuse and more like a compound to the problem.
You actually sound a LOT like J.T.  except I'm positive he's not ADHD at all.  He has trouble getting *out* of a train of thought/doing something.  Interrupting him in the middle of something can be very difficult.

I can hyperfocus anyway on minutia, like cataloguing CDs or something. I'm not entirely sure how it works.

Ok, that's just creepy.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

actually, ti's not uncommon for ADD sufferers to hyperfocus and be undistractable. It's a weird situation. In my case, at least, however, it often means I don't always choose when/what I can focus on.

[42]

So I'm having issues with the whole job-hunting thing. I've been looking for work and have applied at several places. However, I keep getting turned down by people saying I'm over-qualified. The thing is I kind of want a position where I'm over-qualified, because don't feel like making the my next big career leap at this time.

I kind of feel like the whole job hunting thing is a lose-lose situation. I criticize myself for not getting the job, yet tend to I berate myself when I do get an offer. It's very frustrating.

[42]

It also doesn't help that I go through this monstrous battle with myself to get up the self-esteem to even apply for a job.

I remember once having a lot of confidence and would apply for jobs no matter how unqualified I was.

[fuzzyoctopus]

And getting rejected for jobs just means it's harder to apply for the next one...
It sucks.