Timewaster's Guide Archive
Local Authors => Stephanie Fowers => Topic started by: guitarbabe on February 11, 2006, 01:08:58 AM
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Okay, so I've been thinking...Provo seems like a safe place. Seeeeeeems, but we know what's really happening, don't we?
I mean, look at the Provocity towers. Now, I know I've pointed this out before, but none of you took me seriously. I mean, Peter Parker, Pleazzzzz. No, I think it's much more sinister than that. And I will find out the secret behind those towers or bust.
And has anyone noticed those sinister offices above Gold's Gym in Orem? You can tell there are people there (shadows...if you're smart like me you can detect the smallest detail), but supposedly they can only see you? Just why are they there? What's going on?
Or...or...those flashing lights in the distance, or that fleet of helicopters that flew over us today.
So, it just makes me wonder. Just what ARE they hiding?
Has anyone else noticed anything mysterious going on besides this...or have you been fooled by the facade of 'normalcy' in this town too? I don't blame you. Because the truth, it's much harder to face.
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You should write a book about it.
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I just might do that. Someone has to bust the action.
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I worked as a building security guard on campus for a year and a half. I could tell you stories...
But it's been a while. I'll have to think and see if I can remember some of them. Some are not very nice. Some funny. And I've been to some of the more inaccessible parts of campus. Like, I've been on nearly every rooftop on campus, including the Bensen Building, the HFAC, the Wilk, the Crabtree, and of course Kimball Tower.
I worked mostly to patrol the construction sites, including the Heleman Halls dorms, the law school Library, and the Eyring Science Center (now that was cool to watch being gutted and re-vamped).
And yes, I've been in the underground pipes. They aren't all that cool, you know.
I must say it was quite a power trip to have keys that could get one anywhere on campus....
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Tell me about the pipes!
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If you do a Provo conspiracy book, make sure to talk about Rex E. Lee's brain kept alive in the top of the life science building.
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There's also the catacombs beneath the BYU Football Stadium where millions in art, fossils and artifacts are kept.
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I'll bet Leonardo da Vinci knew all about the Provo conspiracies and coded references to them in his artwork.
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I swear the following is true, because it happened to me.
For a church history class at BYU, I did a report on the Urim and Thummim. One of the sources I used was Lucy Mack Smith's history, in which she described something Joseph had told her about the Urim and Thummim. (It's been a few years, so I don't recall exactly what it was.) I had to access that book through the BYU Library's rare books collection, which meant I couldn't take it from the room.
Anyway, after I had finished the research and was writing the paper, I decided I needed to double-check something in that book. So I went back to the rare books collection and requested the book. I was given a different edition of the book -- and the passage about the Urim and Thummim was missing.
Obviously, there was a conspiracy to keep me from writing that paper, but I bravely wrote it anyway.
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There's also the catacombs beneath the BYU Football Stadium where millions in art, fossils and artifacts are kept.
Um, I thought the fossils were kept in a locked shed under the west bleachers? That's where I saw them, anyway. The coolest assortment of fossils is the back room of the dinosaur museum (across from the stadium), where literally shelves and shelves of cool stuff are sorted and prepped to be cleaned.
Tell me about the pipes!
OK, you're walking on campus in the winter, snow everywhere, but there are parts of the sidewalks and lawn that are melted away? That's where the underground pipes run. There are access points all throughout campus, but the easiest one for me to get to was the one under the Eyring Science Center because it was easy to see when they were gutting it during rennovation (this was in '96, I believe). The tunnels themselves aren't very big. I'm 5'9" and I had to crouch a little to walk in them. The pipes in the tunnels are about 3' in diameter and run criss-cross across campus. You can walk from the Crabtree to the Fieldhouse in them--but the police officers didn't recommend it because you could run into a patch of the tunnels where the air was really low and you could pass out. But one of the other security officers made it his goal to walk all the tunnels and he did. It just wasn't something I was interested in. They were dirty, dark and creepy.
If you do a Provo conspiracy book, make sure to talk about Rex E. Lee's brain kept alive in the top of the life science building.
You mean the top floor of the Kimball Tower. That's where they have the animal labs. You can't get to it via the elevators, you have to have a key. Seriously. Been there.
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Where do they keep the secret coded Da Vinci art?
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In the sub-basement of the MOA, of course! ::)
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That's too obvious. I think you're hiding the truth.
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I've been in the secret rooms in the HFAC. I did early morning janitorial at four in the morning...and some of those rooms are CREEPY! We climbed over the theaters to get to the roof (had to check on the pigeon traps or something, I'm sure something legit, uh...), and we found the trap doors under the stages.
I made it my goal to check out every nick and cranny, besides polishing my shiny red shoes with every cleaner we had. We would vacuum some of the theaters and our boss would throw paper at us from the secret rooms to the side...we didn't figure it out where it was coming from for awhile...but I guess that was all part of the conspiracy. Either that or ghosts, because we all know the HFAC is haunted...
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Yeah, I wasn't able to spend much time in the HFAC or MOA (other than during the Chinese exhibit) because that's a whole different building security division. It would have been fun, though.
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Hey, I used to do janitorial in the HFAC as well. I never got to the roof, but all of the basements and sub-basements are pretty cool. That thing goes way lower than most people would ever guess.
And I'm not talking about the Kimball Tower, it's the other building. I can't remember the name of it for the life of me, but if you go all the way up one of the staircases you can go right past the top floor and find a locked doorway. There's a small window in the door, and you can see a bunch of darkly ominous equipment with a couple of blinking red lights. And I can confirm this, because this guy totally told me: that's Rex E. Lee's brain.
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See, that's why janitorial and security jobs are the best. You get to go places that no one else gets to see.
Speaking of crazy jobs, I have a friend who is a professional stalker at the BYU bookstore. Not to blow his cover or anything...but he gets to wander the bookstore for hours and breathe down customers' necks.
I got to do a booksigning there and I had to laugh everytime he passed me, trying to pretend that he was browsing the bookstore...for hours...
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Is he just looking for shoplifters? Or marriageable young ladies?
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Maybe both... ;D
One of my roommates is a psychology major and she did an experiment on students in the library...she got into their personal space...and basically stalked them. She got some good reactions too.
Oh, and she has an awesome lab in the Kimball (well, I don't think it's her lab anymore, since she just finished the experiments), but she hooked students up to some sort of lie detector thing (I totally have to get the details), but they would actually watch them from the other room with a secret camera as they asked them questions. Now, I totally wished I could've been a victim in that case.
I got to go to the lab really late at night and work on editing my last book while she tallied the results of the experiment. We would leave like in three in the morning and see security guards and try to act casual...just in case we weren't supposed to be there.
I've got to visit some other labs there too (not in the Kimball, some science building). Anyhoo, tons of fun. Sure hope the BYU FEDS aren't monitoring this site.
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Sure hope the BYU FEDS aren't monitoring this site.
Brother Big is watching you.
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and of course Kimball Tower.
Feigning ignorance I have to admit, I'm suprised that BYU felt compelled to name a tower after my cousin. Just don't let him know!;)
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Well, THAT'S part of the conspiracy, see. Now, we're getting somewhere!
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We would leave like in three in the morning and see security guards and try to act casual...just in case we weren't supposed to be there.
The only time we had to stop students was in the Benson building (they had to have their ID badges) and if they were rollerblading on campus. So you were probably OK. When I worked the graveyard shift (1-5am) there were people on campus at all hours of the night. Especially the couples camped out on the vent in front of the Kimball Tower.
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Okay, so tell me what's going on? I was talking to my friend on my cell phone, and I was reaching into my cupboard to grab a can of soup, and then I rested it on the microwave and the microwave turned on!!! Wha?!!!
She told me to do it again, and I wouldn't for the longest time because if I died she would totally blame herself since she suggested it and then I talked about how it would be the perfect ending, blah, blah...and so then she rushed over and tried it while talking to me on the cell, and nothing happened. So, then emboldened, I tried the exact same set-up and nothing, hmmm? Then I looked like I was crazy.
And it's kinda funny, but I know when my cell is going to go off if it's on my desk, because then my alarm clock will go off a little bit (it's one of those radio things), and it sets the radio off a little.
Is this major radiation or what? I'm gonna die in about sixty years, I just know it!
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Unless your like 12, dying in 60 years would make you average lifespan.
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You got me. I'm 12! Ha ha...
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If we ever meet in person, please don't answer your cell phone in my presence.
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Just guess where I went????
Alright, I didn't think you could. I just went on a two hour tour of Provo City Towers. It is the most awesome place in the whole wide world! They still use it for electricity (but just to cap off the demand, since only about 2% of the electricity in Provo comes from there).
They mostly use the tower's height for cellular phones, and the weather station, AND voice mail and stuff like that. I just thought it was an awesome place AND I'm so glad that I finally went to see it. I'm definitely using it in my Prank Wars book, yup!