Local Authors > Reading Excuses

Choices (WEKM) Dec 01

(1/5) > >>

WEKM:
Thank you in advance for any help you can give. I hope you all enjoyed this.

maxonennis:
I used to love reading superhero comic books—I’ve never been a fan of the movies—so when I read your email I decided that I wanted to read this first. I have to say that I’m a bit torn about the first chapter. On one hand I love your little plot twists, on the other I saw both coming a mile away. I assume that you wanted the reader to know about Blaster/Nobel before the reveal, however if you didn’t, what gave it away for me was when Nobel started giving blow for blow dialog about between a missing man, his dead family, and a dead man. Also Nobel was giving the emotional reactions of Blaster. Now, the Kevin/Robert connection was a bit more of a random guess (right before he’d looked at his tattoos, I’d guessed that he was a Powered, and right after he was shot I wondered if he was Blaster/Nobel’s son).

While I’m no the topic, I’m not good a guessing plot twists. I usually just set back and let the story come to me rather than try to guess twists, so if I do guess a plot twist right, it is usually because the author wanted the reader to. Take that for what it’s worth.

On to the superpowers; one of the main reasons that even as a child I’d stopped reading superhero comic was because too many superheroes seem too close to immortal. Many of them don’t ever seem to be matched against villains of equal abilities, or if the villain is as strong, then he’s stupid. I don’t know what to think about your character’s powers yet, but when I read that opening profile that says Blaster/Nobel is invulnerable, then some of that old prejudice starts to boil up.

I didn’t read the opening profile until I'd already read the chapter/story. I wanted to get into the story before getting documentation. I don’t know if others felt the same way, but that was my reaction.

Nobel, especially right at the opening, felt like a mix between Harry Dresden and the wizard Zan from the Sword of Truth. I like Harry, I never liked Zan he always seemed to take small common sense things overboard, and I felt a little bit of that with Nobel talking to Kevin/Robert about the chairs. Doing this once or twice wouldn’t bother me, but if it became epidemic as it did with Zan’s character, then I would put the book down—feels too preachy.

Those couple of things aside, I really enjoyed your story and look forward to reading the next chapter.

Reaves:
I too was a tad peeved that of the two superheros we've seen so far, both are immortal.

Also I completely agree with how the Commander fellow somehow knows word-for-word what Blaster said. I understand that seeing as he was Blaster he would know, but still. It threw me off.

Also the Yoda reference really threw me off.

I did really like the description of how the bullet went through Phoenix's body. Very, very cool, and probably something I would have considered impossible to describe in writing if I had seen it in a movie.

Overall it's looking pretty good! Keep it up!

jjb:
Yeah, i thought the Commander stating James' family's exact words was very strange.

Also, I don't see how Kevin figured out Nobel was James...

And when you said the mother and sister hadn't recovered yet, does that mean they're still alive?

Cruel, not crewel.  Since, not always sense.

Necroben:
I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said.

I for one loved it!  I'm very interested in seeing where you go from here (what type of villains you'll have)
Keep up the good work!

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page