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« on: July 07, 2011, 05:43:55 AM »
Thanks for the feedback.
Hubay- Correct me if I'm wrong, but what I think you are saying is that I should try and make Dalcon feel a bit more alien, which I agree I can work on a bit. My only worry is that I don't want to go too far and make a character so alien that they are unrelatable.
What I'm less clear on is what your issue with the use of the word 'alien' and 'invasion' was. Was it just to keep things from feeling too 'modern day'? Both words, to me, at least, feel generic enough that they would be used.
And as far as the Scion-Spectre comparisons go, I am wary. It helps that I'm a big enough Mass Effect fan to notice if things feel too 'Spectre-y' (Though incidentally, I came up with the Scions before playing Mass Effect, not that it matters much.)
akoebel- I'm glad you liked the POV. While he will be a minor POV here, I do intend to give him a larger role eventually (sequel, etc.)
The only reason I included that chapter was to emphasize his feeling that something bad happened-I could probably condense it or cut it if need be.
Thanks for catching the 'lead scion' / 'first scion' thing. I previous drafts, the rank was 'Lead Scion', but I decided to change it to 'First Scion'. I guess I unconsciously used the old rank by accident.
The cape was meant to be a more ceremonial piece of clothing. I considered having him mention that, but I worried it would be too much telling to have him randomly bring it up. I could add something in, or get rid of it altogether. It's not something crucial.
As far as the supreme commander leading the teams, I believe I mentioned at some point that he had been a combat officer in the past, which might preclude him to want to go in first, particularly as he is aging-and, in an attempt to deny it, goes in first. Also, he believes that if anything, it's pirates, who he does not fear at all. It's not the best idea, but as he is in charge, he can do as he pleases. And as far as him coming on the mission, again as a former combat officer, people in his position can get very bored with administrative work all day-why not go on an investigative mission that will at best be only somewhat dangerous? I probably should add more objections though.
I probably could put in something about Dalcon considering getting another weapon once he realizes he left his. I didn't think of it. Regarding his helmet though, I mentioned (or meant to mention) that scans of the station showed life support was functioning, and a helmet would only serve as head protection ,which Dalcon isn't too worried about.
I probably could change it to have the whoel team explore together. It does make more sense than splitting up, though it may lengthen the chapter.
On to the Troodons's reasons for leaving people alive. I thought I went through Darkclaw's reasoning in the chapter where he took the station (though it may have been another case of knowing things then forgetting to include it because it feels obvious to me). Darkclaw's reason was that if he killed everyone on the station, the attack would look more like a professional attack, and would garner more attention, possibly leading to a full-on hunt for the perpetrators, rather than simple patrols-which could spell disaster if they're discovered before they are ready. Also, he was of the opinion that none in the Galactic Alliance would feel there was any major threat- it's not the first thing most would assume, and it's not like he monologued about his plans to the people
Oh, and the data thing. I was viewing the station as a public database- but even public libraries today require you to have a card or something to log onto computers, online databases require accounts. So the Troodons just needed someone to log in to the computer. That's why it didn't matter who it was.
I hope I don't come off as arguing about any of the issues; they're all things I should look back at, whether I change something or not. I just want to explain why something was how it was, what I was thinking, or as the case may be, realize that I messed up somewhere.
And I'm glad you found the last scene interesting- while Dalcon is a minor viewpoint, he will still be a major player, and he will have a fairly important subplot going on, part of which is related to that scene.