541
Howard Tayler / Re: Plot Flaw?
« on: August 18, 2009, 05:50:37 PM »
Do you know if Mr. Tayler trolls the forums? I know I would, but then I'm egocentric.
News:
"Magic is what makes fantasy fantastic," someone says, "you can't apply rules to them or else it loses wonder!" I respond, "Sure, but if you want to write them you will certainly want to know how they work." Writing is all about execution, and I find applying some basic laws of physics to magic systems make them more understandable and realistic. Here, I'm going to outline my basic method for developing a magic system.
Column by Chaos2651
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542
Howard Tayler / Plot Flaw?
« on: August 18, 2009, 03:34:14 PM »
Okay, so I noticed a small plot flaw in the current Schlock story line. We've recently discovered that Schlock can smell really well, right? He first became suspicious of Mr. Monobrow because the guy smelled like boomex. Well, therein lies the problem. Schlock first met Mr. Monobrow right after the undercover operative died by being blown up with--you remember right?--boomex. It's been implied that it was Mr. Monobrow himself who did it.
So, here are my questions:
1) Why didn't Schlock get suspicious the first time he met Mr. Monobrow, who, presumably, would have reeked of boomex?
2) If it was natural for schlock to not get suspicious the first time (say he thought that Mr. Monobrow may have smelled like boomex because the guy had been investigating the crime), then why did Schlock get suspicious the second time he smelled it (or in the alternative, if Schlock didn't smell it the first time, why not)?
Of course, it has not been revealed that Monobrow actually did the deed. It might have been the elephant, but then again, that brings up several more questions, like, why didn't Schlock detect the smell of boomex on the elephant? How does an elephant get on top of the dam without being noticed? She's not exactly a stealth character.
*sigh*
I know it's just a web comic (*preemptively hides from the forthcoming flames*), but I hate it when things don't fit together nicely. Perhaps they will fit together eventually (*hears the sound of Mr. Tayler editing frantically his next cartoon*), but as things stand now, I'm having trouble seeing how this will all jive.
So, here are my questions:
1) Why didn't Schlock get suspicious the first time he met Mr. Monobrow, who, presumably, would have reeked of boomex?
2) If it was natural for schlock to not get suspicious the first time (say he thought that Mr. Monobrow may have smelled like boomex because the guy had been investigating the crime), then why did Schlock get suspicious the second time he smelled it (or in the alternative, if Schlock didn't smell it the first time, why not)?
Of course, it has not been revealed that Monobrow actually did the deed. It might have been the elephant, but then again, that brings up several more questions, like, why didn't Schlock detect the smell of boomex on the elephant? How does an elephant get on top of the dam without being noticed? She's not exactly a stealth character.
*sigh*
I know it's just a web comic (*preemptively hides from the forthcoming flames*), but I hate it when things don't fit together nicely. Perhaps they will fit together eventually (*hears the sound of Mr. Tayler editing frantically his next cartoon*), but as things stand now, I'm having trouble seeing how this will all jive.
543
Rants and Stuff / Re: I has proof...
« on: August 18, 2009, 02:46:59 AM »
Re: the poll.
WHAT PICTURE? Sorry. A little stressed
WHAT PICTURE? Sorry. A little stressed
544
Reading Excuses / Re: Aug. 17 - Recovering Cynic - Survivor
« on: August 18, 2009, 02:43:50 AM »
Thank you! I'll take to heart all of your advice, and consider the changes made already.
I do have some follow up questions, though. Just, in general, was it a satisfying read (please be blunt with me on this). I've re-written this story multiple times, and this re-write, I completely changed the ending and the direction the story was going. So here is my question: I'm not asking whether it is well written, but rather, I'm asking whether you liked it. Say on a scale of 1 to 10--and be honest please. Should the story plot continue the way it is, or does it need a direction change?
Is Jason's character flawed enough (or right enough--I don't know how to explain it, but hopefully you'll get what I mean) to deserve the ending he gets? More mercy? More character flaws? Meaner, nicer, more cowardly?
The persuader chip was an addition to this version, did it work?
Is the ending telegraphed enough?
Are the plot twists cliche? Predictable?
Do the other character's need more spotlight?
Does Jason's character make sense? Can you see someone acting the way he does?
Alright, so that was a lot more than one question, but those are my current concerns. Any feedback (from anyone, not just Ravenstar) would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading it and the great feedback!
I do have some follow up questions, though. Just, in general, was it a satisfying read (please be blunt with me on this). I've re-written this story multiple times, and this re-write, I completely changed the ending and the direction the story was going. So here is my question: I'm not asking whether it is well written, but rather, I'm asking whether you liked it. Say on a scale of 1 to 10--and be honest please. Should the story plot continue the way it is, or does it need a direction change?
Is Jason's character flawed enough (or right enough--I don't know how to explain it, but hopefully you'll get what I mean) to deserve the ending he gets? More mercy? More character flaws? Meaner, nicer, more cowardly?
The persuader chip was an addition to this version, did it work?
Is the ending telegraphed enough?
Are the plot twists cliche? Predictable?
Do the other character's need more spotlight?
Does Jason's character make sense? Can you see someone acting the way he does?
Alright, so that was a lot more than one question, but those are my current concerns. Any feedback (from anyone, not just Ravenstar) would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading it and the great feedback!
545
Reading Excuses / Re: Aug. 17 Heroes of the Necowar ch.1
« on: August 17, 2009, 10:50:08 PM »
I second Frog's comments, but I have a few other things to add.
First off, if I were running like mad from creatures that will destroy my soul, I would not stop to chat with anyone I happened to run into, even if it were the pope himself. Instead of having them chat because they ran into each other, it would be more beleivable if they were cornered, say Will ran into a dead end or something and found the boy hiding there.
Second, I really hope you aren't going to have will dragging a fighting person underwater to safety... Sure lifeguards can do this, but 1) they have to stay above water, 2) they have training, and 3) the person drowning is weakened and while they are struggling, they generally aren't trying to knock your block off. --edit: On re-read, you mention that there will be a "final plunge". Is this going to be a waterfall? In that case, you might mention that it is swiftly moving water, something to indicate how this boy is going to be moving along with Will.
Third, what kind of cavern is this? I've been in several kinds, some with slick walls, others with cracks and fisures. Most of the caves I've spelunked (cool word, neh?) were darn near impossible to climb up the walls. Following the main path was easy, but to get to the ceiling, you would eventually dangle and not be able to use your legs, so there had better be really good hand holds (the fact that he dropped into a "loose circle" of screachers would indicate that he was at the apex of the passage). You also say he was "holding himself up by his knees". What does that mean? Anyway, my point is, sure he could reach the top, but a description of how he did so would be nice; otherwise, it's hard to swallow (for me at least).
Other questions:
Why was he "trying to think of a good line to shout back at the screechers"? Aren't they dumb monsters? Or is this telling us something about Will's character?
Why does Will continue trying to talk to someone who obviously doesn't understand a word he is saying. You might include some semi-sign language here (except it's dark, so... I don't know what to suggest).
Anyway, those were my thoughts, and I'm not sure they helped too much.
First off, if I were running like mad from creatures that will destroy my soul, I would not stop to chat with anyone I happened to run into, even if it were the pope himself. Instead of having them chat because they ran into each other, it would be more beleivable if they were cornered, say Will ran into a dead end or something and found the boy hiding there.
Second, I really hope you aren't going to have will dragging a fighting person underwater to safety... Sure lifeguards can do this, but 1) they have to stay above water, 2) they have training, and 3) the person drowning is weakened and while they are struggling, they generally aren't trying to knock your block off. --edit: On re-read, you mention that there will be a "final plunge". Is this going to be a waterfall? In that case, you might mention that it is swiftly moving water, something to indicate how this boy is going to be moving along with Will.
Third, what kind of cavern is this? I've been in several kinds, some with slick walls, others with cracks and fisures. Most of the caves I've spelunked (cool word, neh?) were darn near impossible to climb up the walls. Following the main path was easy, but to get to the ceiling, you would eventually dangle and not be able to use your legs, so there had better be really good hand holds (the fact that he dropped into a "loose circle" of screachers would indicate that he was at the apex of the passage). You also say he was "holding himself up by his knees". What does that mean? Anyway, my point is, sure he could reach the top, but a description of how he did so would be nice; otherwise, it's hard to swallow (for me at least).
Other questions:
Why was he "trying to think of a good line to shout back at the screechers"? Aren't they dumb monsters? Or is this telling us something about Will's character?
Why does Will continue trying to talk to someone who obviously doesn't understand a word he is saying. You might include some semi-sign language here (except it's dark, so... I don't know what to suggest).
Anyway, those were my thoughts, and I'm not sure they helped too much.
546
Movies and TV / Re: Coolest movie scenes of all time
« on: August 17, 2009, 07:05:32 PM »
The end scene in The Professional where Jean Reno hands Gary Oldman the pin from a grenade and says, "For Mathilda."
547
Reading Excuses / Aug. 17 - Recovering Cynic - Survivor
« on: August 16, 2009, 10:04:24 PM »
Be harsh. Take no prisoners. Burn then pillage. You get the idea.
548
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: August 14, 2009, 07:24:02 PM »
Cool. I'll take the address anyway
549
Writing Group / Re: Now why can't I play nice?
« on: August 14, 2009, 07:21:06 PM »
Really? I might have to give the books a second chance then. They have been recommended to me countless times.
550
Writing Group / Re: Now why can't I play nice?
« on: August 14, 2009, 05:40:32 PM »
Actually, I couldn't get past A Game of Thrones because of that. You know in the very beginning when they killed off the young prince? That turned me off from the book entirely. Of course, I was much younger then, so I don't know how it would effect me now.
I think part of the reason I'm so... mean... is that up to this point I've only written short stories. I don't think I could write a novel that didn't have some hope and triumph in it. I guess we'll see since I'm about to give it my first try.
In my short stories though, I have a hard time writing about, well, admirable characters. My characters are all flawed, interesting, but flawed, so I don't feel so bad making their lives miserable and/or killing them off. Do any of you write "happy" short stories? I'd be interested in seeing how such a story might work.
I think part of the reason I'm so... mean... is that up to this point I've only written short stories. I don't think I could write a novel that didn't have some hope and triumph in it. I guess we'll see since I'm about to give it my first try.
In my short stories though, I have a hard time writing about, well, admirable characters. My characters are all flawed, interesting, but flawed, so I don't feel so bad making their lives miserable and/or killing them off. Do any of you write "happy" short stories? I'd be interested in seeing how such a story might work.
551
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: August 14, 2009, 03:28:05 PM »
Once you guys work out the process, please update the submission instructions at the beginning. I'll be reading those on Monday before I submit anything. If I need an email address, can you go ahead and set me up as , but only if I really need one. How would I go about forwarding that address to my normal address?
552
Writing Group / Now why can't I play nice?
« on: August 13, 2009, 10:27:53 PM »
Okay, so I have a small, um, eccentricity for lack of a better term. When I write, I seem to be incapable of being nice to my characters. In fact, I am generally quite brutal. I've tried writing stories with happy endings and it never really worked for me. I even wrote a short story once where the guy got the girl, but by the end of the story, the reader wasn't really sure that this was a good thing.
So, my fellow authors and aspiring authors, why can't I write happy endings? I like stories with happy endings--stories don't need one imho, but I do like them. So why can't I be nice to my little characters and/or not kill them off and crush their dreams and consume their souls?
Um... okay. That came out a little harsh. I'm not quite that sadistic, but then again, I still haven't managed to write a "happy ending." Any thoughts on this? For you personally as a writer, is making your characters suffer more enjoyable? more interesting? better writing? I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this...
Oh, and don't worry, I try not to crush souls in real life, at least not too much. Sometimes work requires a bit of... harshness. *sigh* Perks of being an attorney.
So, my fellow authors and aspiring authors, why can't I write happy endings? I like stories with happy endings--stories don't need one imho, but I do like them. So why can't I be nice to my little characters and/or not kill them off and crush their dreams and consume their souls?
Um... okay. That came out a little harsh. I'm not quite that sadistic, but then again, I still haven't managed to write a "happy ending." Any thoughts on this? For you personally as a writer, is making your characters suffer more enjoyable? more interesting? better writing? I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this...
Oh, and don't worry, I try not to crush souls in real life, at least not too much. Sometimes work requires a bit of... harshness. *sigh* Perks of being an attorney.
553
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Great concept
« on: August 13, 2009, 09:47:10 PM »Quote
. . . we like new members.
... they taste good
554
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: August 13, 2009, 09:13:44 PM »
If you guys come up with something new, when will it go into effect?
555
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: August 13, 2009, 08:01:47 PM »
Just a heads up for everyone, some of the submissions aren't making it to my email box. I think what's happening is that the people who have been doing submissions for awhile aren't getting the names off the fresh list, so the newcomers aren't getting copied on their stories.