Has "this" ever happened to you?

[JP Dogberry]

Ok, I was referring to any advice I may give in the future. But since you want some:

My general inclination is to approach the person, and start sweating and increasing heartrate. Then, look left and right quickly, like you're paranoid. Follow this with a really bad, rushed and unclear/ambiguous comment. Then run away quickly.

Do the opposite of that and you should be right.

BTW, cows start as calves, so they have to drink milk before they can start to eat and give milk. Unless they're bulls, in which case it's probably best to avoid trying to milk them, even after they've eaten.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

I never felt old untill the day I joined the Coast Guard (I was 23) and I discovered that I was older than 3/4 of my boot camp company by 4 years or so.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

uh... that bit about the cows... you guys worry me.

and Jam, you spell "approaching" better than you spell "spell"

Girls like to be approached in a way where you aren't making it obvious that you're "approaching." They want to be, and for you to be, comfortable having a conversation. Unless they like you already, in which case they find your ineptness cute. It's imposssible to pull of the ineptly cute thing on purpose. Because if you know she likes you (and therefore know it will work) then you have too much confidence and it comes off fake; whereas if you don't know she likes you, it's not an act.
They also claim to be interested in sensitivity and sense of humor, but there seems to be little objective evidence backing this up unless the relationship has already begun. Mostly be interested in them, but answer questions about yourself (this is rule #5, which is completely contradicted by rule #6: be mysterious). I think mostly they want someone who looks like he knows how to have fun, especially when that fun is not at the expense of other people. A natural centeredness in being happy is a huge leap in creating a female relationship.

[Mistress of Darkness]

EUOL, you talked about dating. And you took pride (read: boasted) in the fact that you didn't.

Gemm, how well do you know this girl? (Yes there are different approaches for different situations) Is she dating someone else?

I think the best strategy is to become good friends first. Then you can get a feel for what she would want to do, how she interacts with other people(important to know if you actually want to talk to her on the date ). And you can be a whole lot more casual about asking her out. Which is easier on both of you.

If you don't want to wait that long, then try and pick something that you know she will enjoy, something with other people, like a play, or a concert or a monster truck rally (I hear some girls like that) and ask her casually if she'd like to go.


(The casually is very important because a lot of girls are scared that if they agree to go out with a boy that he will then start to stalk her. I know the percentages of that actually happening are low, but I've seen it happen. And I'm sure you can understand how some girls would prefer to skip the free dinner in preference to not having a stalker.)

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

and ironically they don't like guys who try too hard.
Or to be blunt appear to try to hard. Plan dates in such a way that they appear spontanious and have options in the back of your mind... (ok plan A is bollocksed lets go with plan B)

The secret to approaching a girl...
Actually doing it. Its all about controlling anxiety, and letting yourself get comfortable with rejection. Hey its going to happen sometimes so relax take a deep breath and fall. But there are some tricks to help. Ask in an environment that you feel comfortable in... the phone can be one if you feel more relaxed as a disembodied voice, in line at Mcdonalds might be another. Maybe carry a lucky rock or something that you can project some sort of confidence on. Thats the trick with the innocence thing by the way, be confident and innocent (thats an advanced course btw)

In all honesty you don't actually lose anything by asking any girl out. Not even pride, sure rejection hurts, I dated a girl in Greensboro who refused to go out with me six times... when we finally started dating I realized what kind of a person she really was and I ended up dumping her in the long run.  Remember that dating isn't like your getting married or engaged, your trying the person out to see if more might be worth it.

Dont feel pressured to get romantic right away either... I had a very satisfying relationship with a girl I never kissed once.  She was fantastic, by the way loving and loyal and wonderful (Becca I hope your doing great out there)

Ask yourself what you can do to be comfortable asking her out, and not get generic advise. There is no magic formula to get a girl to say yes, no matter what mars or venus books may say. The only important thing is that you get over your fear of rejection. Its not personal, and there is no shame in trying and failing.  When you look back on your life you shouldn't have a lot of what if's. What if I had asked her, what if I had taken this job or done this. Be comfortable being yourself, if you feel strongly about something professionally or romanticly or personally do something about it. And spare yourself the what if's.

[EUOL]

MoD:  Lol.  Of course I boasted.  I've learned that if people assume you're completely hopeless in a particular area, they get frustrated and leave you alone.  You should have realized that if I was that insistent that absolutely nothing ever happened, then you should be more suspicious than ever.  

However, I will admit that in this area, at least, I’m not much of an expert.  I average about one date a month, mostly with women who show no discernable interest in me.  Ah, well.  From my experience, that is generally how dating goes.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I figured you were dating. Just not very often, and obviously not effectively, since you were available so much. That doesn't mean I don't think you're completely hopeless.

[Fellfrosch]

If you want to talk about rejection, let's get Mustard in here. He had a hopeless crush on three different women in high school, and was rejected by all three of them at least once a week for months. Every time it happened he'd come to me and say, "You want to hear a funny story?"

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

Eric and I wanted to write a sitcom in college that had the running gag of him getting rejected by girls he asks to marry him every episode, It centered around his superstition that a refused ring was somehow tainted so he just keeps em in a fishbowl which eventually fills up.

I think you'll find the anxiety you've built up about asking her out is worse than any rejection you could feel Asking her is kind of a release.

[House of Mustard]

True, Fell.  In highschool there was one girl, Jenny, who I was completely wupped over.  I would ask her out all the time (I think I asked her to every single dance, and a multitude of dates. )  I remember only actually going out with her once - although I can't remember where we went.  The problem was that I was hardly ever rejected initially.  Normally she would say yes, and then call later to cancel saying that "something came up, but I'd really love to do something some other time."  My problem was that I actually believed that - even though this happened twice a week for four years.

I think that my main problem was that, in high school, I wouldn't ever date a girl unless I though she was marraige material.  Consequently, I had an extremely narrow category of girls I wanted to ask out - and all three of them were either uninterested or hooked up with someone else.  I did end up going on plenty of dates, but whenever some date opportunity came up, I would always ask the three of them, get rejected, and then move on to someone else.

On a different note, the year after high school, my friend and I (looking for a good use for the database program on our computer) made a Date-a-base (we thought the name was really clever).  We entered all the girls we'd ever dated or wanted to date.  Then, we could just ask the computer to, for example, give us a list of all brunettes who have green eyes and enjoy bowling, and it would pop out a list of names.  It was never very helpful.

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

Ok, well today was my day of reckoning. I summoned forth that voice in my head. We argued to one another before english and I convinced him that I would do it! I was primed and ready to just do it. And damnit if I didn't. Because I didn't. I could've went after her, I should've, but I didn't. I didn't. I just didn't do it. Another weekend to myself, in room, all alone.

[Fellfrosch]

Listening to bad rap music.

[stacer]

Weekend to yourself, in room, all alone...? Surely you've got friends to hang out with despite the lack of date? That's another thing when it comes to dating--if you don't succeed, get out there and have a life anyway. Good things happen along the way.

[Entsuropi]

Thats what i tend to do, read books and play the computer most of the time, but i am something of a loner at heart in real life. It's only online that i turn into a outgoing scottish freak.

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

Heh, that's are good idea stacer, except I'm here at a college where I'm 6 hours away from home. So I don't really know anyone here. And I also suck at meeting new people. So I am a home-run derby kind of guy.