Timewaster's Guide Archive
General => Everything Else => Topic started by: Mad Dr Jeffe on July 10, 2004, 01:00:19 PM
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Arnold the Guvonator said the funniest thing last week when asked this question from the New York Times.
"Whats the best part about being Governer?"
Heres his reply... and no Im not kidding
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women... oh wait thats Conan!"
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hehe that's awsome.
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maybe this is a decent place to put this...
here's a great line from the (unedited) translation of a manhwa:
"Kill me! I rather die than being a slave of you dirty evils!"
(you may be able to tell that we don't have a single good (from-)Korean translator. the rewriters have to do all the work...)
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I think I would rather die than being a slave of you dirty evils too. I mean. Who wouldn't?
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What you say!!
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Someone set us up the bomb!
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All your base.... er lets quit this freaking line of conversation right now thank you.
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How about "All your base are belong to Trogdor."
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mmmm Trogdor.
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Trogdor will never survive makes his time.
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"The Soluble Song is a beautiful little ditty which I'm sure will leave you, also, thanking the Lord that you are not soluble."
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All your base are belong to MAHIR!
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did you get my e-mail?
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what does that have to do with Mahir?
And if you sent it today, I dunno. Havne't checked mail. I'm not at home. If you sent it earlier, than no, haven't seen it.
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How about "All your base are belong to Trogdor."
"Its superficial lower whole number is belongs Trogdor."
I'm sure you've all seen this website (http://www.tashian.com/multibabel/) before, but this is worth bringing it (back) up. ;D
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Saint try to call me at work then.
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Interesting...
Jack of all trades master of none translated into Whole cat of negocía of the master d'aucun they
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"It's doing funny things to my eyes, no matter how many times I blink, rub, or gently polish them with a damp lint free towel, all bright parts appear to have a blurry glow around the edges."
-Bluey the Dragon, on gaming.
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I've got a cousin who's been out on his mission for about a month. He included this gem in his last letter:
"It seems like yesterday I was
wrenching on the zuki..."
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I'm assuming this is some code reference to riding a motorbike?
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I think he's refering to fixing his jeep.
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Why I do like work sometimes.
Coworker 1: my mouse is having major issues
Coworker 2.: oh that sucks
Supervisor: Maybe if you spend time listening to it and its issues, it will cry a little, but then get over them.
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"Batman: Bruce Wayne. Superman: Clark Kent. Aquaman... ahh... who gives a crap."
"If something's gona be evil, it might as well taste good."
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"The French ideals of Fraternity, Equality, and Liberty are outweighed by the German realities of Infantry, Artillery, and Cavalry." -Field Marshal von Moltke
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Ok, this is on the "Adventure Quest" rules page.
Edit! Please, take the time to edit your posts. Just open up a word processing program for a quick spell check & to add punctuation. This makes it so much easier for everyone to understand what you are playing.Try write as though you are writing a book.
Unless you are a very esperienced[/i] gamer
(emphasis mine)
I just thought it was really funny that they would mis-spell blatently just 6 words after telling someone to use a word processor to catch those errors. What? Spellcheck is good enough for the forums but not for your CORE DOCUMENTS?
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Lol, SE.
This popped up on another website recently. I don't know who to credit it to, though:
"Too much is the new enough."
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sweet.
Actually, I just re-read the quote above, and there's a missing space and a missing word in the quote as well. Perhaps they need a freelance editor.
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Dinosaurs on relationships:
"Care to put our emotional stability on the line in exchange for a chance at happiness?"
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I'f it weren't for my horse, I would have never gone to college.
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No, Sig. It's "If it weren't for my horse, I would never have spent that year in college."
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TRex: "New Program Engaged:
10 Ignore what Utahraptor says
20 Utahraptor is lame!
30 Goto 10"
Utahraptor: "Error in line 20! Utahraptor is clearly awesome!"
TRex: "Too late! Line 10 was already interpreted!"
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That would implode the universe, and as an enviromentalist I'm against that.
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"Violent retribution isn't like mowing the lawn. It's more like doing the dishes. ... with the lawnmower."
"OH yeah, that reminds me... Don't do that anymore."
"You don't own me."
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So there was this stewardess yesterday on my flight home that couldn't speak french to save her life, but apparently she was the best they had to make announcements and such. Then she said this, and I realized she couldn't speak english either:
"Please keep your cell phones turned off, to avoid their con-fis-ti-ca-tion."
Confistication is my new favorite word.
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/me confisticates something.
I don't care what, I just have to get in on this new craze.
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Did you have any clue as to what her first language was?
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Her first language was most definitely english. I felt bad for her with the french thing, honestly. I'd hate to have to make public announcements in french. I don't speak it that well either.
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My wife Astrid to her dog,...
"Maggie, I have opposable thumbs" {makes thumb moving gesture"} "Ha, Ha...." "look opposable thumbs!"
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I said that to my cat once
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On another message board, someone posted this:
"...The one from Holland---sorry, let me be politically correct---the Netherlands?"
Politically correct? Wha?
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your bowels remain as prophetic as ever.
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"if you could write love letters to words i would write one to 'awesome' and 'awkward' and 'wacky' and 'abstruse' and 'sated' and more and i wouldn't let any of them know about the others."
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"I appreciate your insane spirtual virtues, Mikey."
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You should make a point of trying every experience once -- except incest and folk-dancing.
-- A. Bax, "Farewell My Youth"
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I can't wait until I'm 75 and I can grump and complain, and I can drive a car the same speed wheather I'm on the freeway or the driveway, and I get to wear plaud golf shorts hiked up to my neck, and I get to dye my hair ever-so-light purple, and I remenece about the good old days when I was grumpy and rode a bicycle the same speed wherther I was on the driveway or the freeway...etc..
It's goona be awesome.
"I can't eat this, it's too spicy. Once I ate one of those and my armpit exploded and waiters were diving under the table. Children screamed as armpit juice rained from the heavens and...where are you going? You gonna eat that salad?"
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For all of us arguers (is that a word?):
This is from Tom Brown's Schooldays, which I have to read for my Victorian children's literature class. In a very dull first chapter, the author is introducing the "character of the Browns," the Browns being the generic term for the common everyday Englishman who he argues is the core building block of the British Empire.
Never were such people for family gatherings, which, were you a stranger, or sensitive, you might think had better not have been gathered together. For during the whole time of their being together they luxuriate in telling one another their minds on whatever subject turns up; and their minds are wonderfully antagonist, and all their opinions are downright beliefs. Till you've been among them some time and understand them, you can't think but that they are quarrelling. Not a bit of it; they love and respect one another ten times the more after a good set family arguing bout, and go back, one to his curacy, another to his chambers, and another to his regiment, freshened for work, and more than ever convinced that the Browns are the height of company.
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this is the response I got when I asked my english teacher what she thought of my story that I wrote for homework.. "it was an action adventure noir holocaust dinosaur thriller"
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These are a couple of quotes from the kids of the ppl I'm currently staying with. They are aged 5 and 8.
This is from the 5 year old. He's recently started seeing Margaret Mackie, my old Philosophy teacher. And this exact point in time we were trying to convince him to eat his vegtables, so that when he was Margaret's age (90) he would be as healthy as her (she doesn't have any white hairs...).
His response:
"Well *I've* been seeing Margaret once a week and whenever I go, she *still* has wrinkles ALL OVER her face, so the vegetables aren't helping!"
This other kid, aged eight, recently came out from China. Now in China, because of the pollution, its rare to see the stars. His response;
"Look at all the stars! Shining just like white pimples on a teenager's face!"
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"I'm, how do you say, 100 and -20 degrees % lady-proof." -Me
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"Mmm...two kinds of dead animal at once, all on a sesame seed bun. The [bacon] burger is civilization." - Zach Stroum
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A salesman came into our weekly meeting on Tuesday to push his new product (some new kind of cedar decking). Someone asked him a question (I don't remember what), but his response was:
"It's much like anything."
That's salesmanship for you.
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oo! Now i want it. I've always wanted something that's much like anything.
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<alcar> ah well. I shall deal with it by writing out Star Wars campaign.
<Gemm> what?
<alcar> Chaos and I hashed an idea out for one yesterday while waiting for more players for 4 ways :p
<Gemm> oh good grief
* alcar grins. Set far into the future, tho my idea of having history confuse Jar Jar Binks as Yoda prolly won't happen
<Gemm> lol
<Gemm> that'd be great
<alcar> "Mesa feel the force flowing ... no, mesa wet myself again..."
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Brock:Dean why arent you wearing any pants?
Rick: Brock deans disobeying a direct order to drink this!
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on hearing that one of our co-workers is going ot have a baby, one of the technicians said "How'd that happen?"
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Person one"Okay I'm sorry, I was just seeing if you could tell the difference between cheese and dried blood"
Person2" well sometimes I cant.."
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"I find that most existential problems can be solved with shoving"
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From a review of the new LDS movie "Baptists at our Barbeque": (describing the main character):
"He's like a less-edgy Bob Saget."
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soo... he's like.... as boring as you get? And unfunny on top of it?
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From a review of the new LDS movie "Baptists at our Barbeque."
I used to have that book. Lent it to someone years ago and never got it back. Robert F. Smith, right?
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Isn't Robert Smith the singer for The Cure?
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And thus starts another "I heard he was Mormon" myth
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Yeah. It's too bad because it's a good book. The reviews say that the dialogue is good and funny, but the direction and acting are bad.
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You know, this brings up an interesting idea. If you keep writing in this field, HoM, you've probably got a good chance of seeing one of your books turned into a movie.
That's something I doubt I'll ever see from one of mine.
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Perhaps not, but from the small amount that I have seen of Elantris, it should be. It would be such an amazing movie if they could pull it off well, especially with showing Elantris and the Elantrians. It seems like a movie that I would really like.
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It would be a movie, no matter how badly made, I would love.
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Whoa nelly!
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"FRANKENFISH ROXORZ MY BOXORZ!!!"
-overheard during 3rd period English
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'Well cover me in honey and throw me at lesbians, just the enhancement I was looking for.' - Blazing Fury, the bikini babe from CoH.
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Saying that Fanboys are invariably annoying is like saying that a bear will get angry if you beat it with a stick.
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Once you have your elements, you will do what every good chemist does, burn the hell out of them!
-Mr Rayavek(my chem teacher)
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From Reuters:
"The volcano remains restless," Neal said.
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With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it
is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost
went unnoticed last week.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Poky", died peacefully at
age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
So it's not really a quote, it's a joke. Big deal. I quoted it.
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heh. I'm glad it didn't recite lyrics. It didn't think we were too dumb.
There was a thread for jokes once, long, long ago. I suppose we could start another. Assuming people have jokes to tell. Most of the new ones I've heard were made up by my three year old and have to do with Star Wars characters. "What do you get when you mix an orange coat and a lightsaber? An Obi-wan!" Much laughter follows.
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She discovered that relationships with French philosophers are best conducted at a distance.
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dont worry the blood hasnt reached my alchohol system yet
-noah
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You can strap a Stratocaster onto a chimpanzee and turn the volume up to twelve and for a few seconds it's going to sound brilliant, you know.
- Nick Saloman
no idea who that is. THe quote was in a signature on a message board.
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"Terrorism has never been so much!"
--- Kerry Blair
It's one of the backliner quotes for my new book, and I think it's one of the screwiest sentences ever uttered.
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Huh?
And who's Kerry Blair?
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JamPaladin says:
I never sleep
Entropy says:
my desire for petty amusement is greater than your abilty to remain awake!
JamPaladin says:
No, no it isn't
JamPaladin says:
I live off monitor radiation through photosynthesis
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Heh, thats great Entropy.
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In a New Yorker cartoon (most recent edition, p. 101):
Two superheroes in conversation while flying over a city.
"Yes, but what I really want to do is write children's books."
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"J'aime des choses et d'autre choses!" (I love things and other things) (it was a dinosaur comic, I reckon you guys are tired of me posting those, though I still find them absolutely hilarious. Plus most people wouldn't understand today's, since, y'know, it's in French).
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"I don't know if I'm alive or dead. If I'm alive, why do I feel this way? If I'm dead, why do I have to go to the bathroom?"
--Thomas Dewey
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<ANTIDEAD> I had a dream last night that I met you in real life, so we dressed up as zoro and smuggled drugs over the mexican border
<ANTIDEAD> Perhaps I should lay off the burritos
I immediately thought of Fellfrosch. I fully expect that this is what he and Mustardio do on the weekends.
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I immediately thought of Fellfrosch. I fully expect that this is what he and Mustardio do on the weekends.
it's much worse then you think, they don't smuggle drugs, they smuggle buritos.
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yeah, burritos. (http://home.myuw.net/durandal/shawisland/strips/shaw20041112.png)
and, oh yeah, forgot. Language warning.
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I don't get it. Why are there 5 or 6 different people in there? What do they all mean? There's less cohesion in that comic than I could ever think of.
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the game companies are in the first two (Valve duh). They're bribing gamespot (the recipient of all the burritos in panel three) with burritos for better rules.
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Too many jokes that require excess knowledge.
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I think it's just a very poorly produced comic. I'm sure the comic has better ones, but that is probably one of it's not as good ones.
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I dunno what required knowledge about that. Who that plays video games doesn't know what Valve is? And who that breathes doesn't know what Metroid is? And gamespot? Those are all pretty obvious in the comic. Maybe you're just used to being spoon fed over-explicated humor
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And who that breathes doesn't know what Metroid is? And gamespot?
/me raises her hand
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You don't count since you're not a nerd.
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Hahaha. I love how I'm always slightly on the fringe, not quite in nerd-dom. When I was growing up, I always thought of myself as one of the nerdiest kids on the fringe (even when I was a cheerleader and on the dance team, I was an outsider). I don't know whether to say that's reassuring, or that I'm sad not to be part of the club.
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I understood that comic instantly...
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It doesn't even belong here, it belongs in the webcomic thread.
I'll admit that I have two X chromosomes don't play a lot of videogames and therfore don't get the comic. It still wasn't that funny.
Why were they wanting burritos in the first place? I showed it to J.T. who GOT it all but didn't think it was funny. Are burritos supposed to be intrinsically funny, like monkeys?
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it belonged here because we were talking about burritos. it was funny BECAUSE we were talking about burritos, specifically illicit burrito traffic. posting it here was continuing that thought. it was not incomprehensible, which was the original charge. I'll admit it wasn't that funny on it's own. it's not Zach's best work. But in the context of the conversation, it was.
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Spriggan says:
0_o you're writeing a review. *checks hell's temeture"
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"The last thing I want to do is be mollycoddled or wrapped up in cotton wool because if I was to join the army..."
--Prince William
I just put that up because I like the goofy way British people talk. Say something Ent!
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I was mentioning this to my family last night. The british royalty are.... erg...
I mean, I resent musicians and actors and sports stars because most have an income vastly disproportionate to their contributions to humanity (not that I *do* anything about that, I still listen to their music and watch their movies). But the British royalty, i mean, come on. Their fame has 0 to do with what they do. It is 100% what family they were born in. I find that exceedingly lame. The only reason I don't hate them, is that my understanding is they use a chunk of that time and money to work with charitable causes. So at least if they're famous for no decent reason, the DO something with it.
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"if people could taste with thier feet, ya know like a fly, would we have invented flavored socks?"
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Though argument does not create conviction, the lack of it destroys belief. What seems to be proved may not be embraced; but what no one shows the ability to defend is quickly abandoned. Rational argument does not create belief, but it maintains a climate in which belief may flourish."
Ezra Taft Benson
Interesting...
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I lost my mind a little while ago. It said it was going out for a pack of cigarettes, and by the time I realized it didnt smoke, it must have been halfway to Canada
-Gorgon
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I'm going to let you guys waste time by reading all these too instead of trying to pick out the funniest ones.
http://www.jumbojoke.com/000151.html
http://www.jumbojoke.com/000152.html
Ok, I can't resist.
Freddy was in the habit of staring at Beverly's legs as they peaked from her Susie Wong slit dresses. She had a dozen of them.
"Something must have happened, since it's not like her to come back naked and not aware of anything."
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Taken out of context, this is easily my favorite quote lately:
"Yeah, the toilet thing blew me away." -- Gemm
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"I'm inside a strange man in a strange place with strange people all around me!"
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CNN headline today:
"FBI Reports: Prejudice Fueling Hate Crimes"
Really? I would have thought mutual respect and brotherly kindness fueled hate crimes.
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I guess even CNN headline writers need to take the day off for slacking now and then.
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or perhaps whoever's writing reports at the FBI. If we can get away with that level of scholarship, I might be interested in a job.
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"What did the oracle tell you?"
"That I would fall in love with the One, but that it wouldn't work out because I'm too needy. What did he tell you?"
"To stop looking at so much porn"
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"If skirts get any shorter, girls will have four cheeks to powder."
-Bob Hope, ca 1920
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"Honey, could you open the door please. The police have daddy's fingerprints on file."
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"I dreamed you were a gay country-western singer!"
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there's another kind of country-western singer?
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Ya, the female types. Which are hot.
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I would like to say beforehand that this quote is rude and offensive, but hilariously funny, too.
From Anne Coulter's website, posted Christmas morning:
"Attention People of Islam: If we had invaded your country, and killed your leaders, and converted you to Christianity, you could be opening presents right now!"
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From a foxsports article on the USC, Oklahoma game:
Giving Chow [USC's Offencive Cooridnator] a month to prepare for one opponent seems as disturbing and unfair as arming Robin Williams with a bottle of bourbon and access to your e-mail account.
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This one requires a little bit of background so, here goes:
The "Electronic Communications Coordinator," a man in his late 50's, was giving a mandatory seminar to all 1st year law students today with the aid of an overhead projecter. He attempted to open a web page, but in the process pulled the mouse to hard and it came unplugged from the computer in such a way that it caused the entire electronic setup to fail completely. He then turns to his assistant, who is a young, attractive lady, and, apparently forgetting that he had the microphone on, said the following:
"I didn't know that if I pulled it that hard it would explode on you like that, and then become useless. Sorry."
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"English doesn't borrow from other languages.
English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them down and goes through their pockets for loose grammar."
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Awesome, Skar!
Who said it?
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Wish I knew. It was unattributed.
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Curse you for killing my laziness! Off to Google . . .
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According to Language Thugs, it is unknown or Anonymous, but if attributed at all, it is usually attributed to Booker T. Washington.
I'll stick with Anonymous. He has the best quotes.
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I rarely laugh out loud while reading TWG at work, but I laughed at this.
Morik is eager to post.
--42
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I wanted to buy a t-shirt that said that at worldcon, but they didn't have the right sizes left.
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Skars quote made me laugh outloud!
Ha
Im putting that one down in my dangling participle file.
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And Gemms quote is shear poetry
Stacer has an eye that's more clear and watchful than the Baltic Sea
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I think that House of Mustard's next book should be based around quotes from Gemm that we like. The post about the blueberry had me in stitches.
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Err... what? If you're talking about the phone, then I was being serious.... Oh dear. I've made a fool of my words without their ever knowing it. My my.
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These quotes don't have to be from TWG, right? Because Faith of D101 fame has a great one on her blog today:
Today, heading to the Tim Hortons at lunch, a panhandler approached me and asked for "Spare change so I can buy a gun and make some real money."
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Silly americans.
We British don't even blink an eye when our bases fall under mortor fire, stiff upper lip old boy!
Unless they hit the teapot, then its blood.
From another forum, discussing members in iraq.
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Paris Hilton's representive talking about a recent hacker reading her e-mails.
"It's one thing to have people looking at your sex tapes, but having people reading your personal e-mails is a real invasion of privacy."
The jokes practicaly write themselfs.
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i.... i .... i'm speachless.
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The internet means never having to forget what highschool was like.--Scott Kurtz
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RingTLemur: hey
PaladinJammer: Is what horses eat
RingTLemur: really?
RingTLemur: I thought they ate small Norwegian children
RingTLemur: no wonder my horse is so fat
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"Ice formed on the butler's upper slopes."
"She had a laugh like cavalry on a tin bridge."
"He spun around in a kind of embarrassed twirl, like an adagio dancer surprised while watering the cat's milk."
PG Wodehouse ... masterful.
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From Farscape
Dargo: Now I can speak only truth, and that comes in good news and bad news.
Chriton: Ok, give me the bad news first.
Dargo: Your married, and you will have to endure for 80 cycles as a statue
Chriton: whats the good news?
Dargo: Chiana and I are having Fantastic sex
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Just for the record, I call dibs on Chiana.
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Paddy: Knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
P:Yellow car.
Me:Yellow car who?
P: Yellow car . . . there it goes!
I don't think my three-year-old has quite caught on to the fine art of the knock-knock joke.
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I've told you my daughter's star wars jokes, right? What do you get when you cross an orange clothes with a man? AN OBI-WAN!!!!
Yeah. The Chewbacca one is even better.
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I personally find both of those to be pretty funny, though maybe that just says something about my having the sense of humor of a toddler.
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Gemm0987: I love, you.
EntropyTWG: that? Thats not what i desired, in my heart of valve based maintenance systems, to hear. Please, conduct a returns policy on that statement
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actually, the way Gemm's statement is punctuated, all he's telling you is that he loves. Not that he loves you particularly. But that he exercises his capacity to feel and know love.
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From the amazingly insightful:
http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2005/1/28/32622/4244
"Remember that managers are essentially secretaries who can fire you."
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Entropy-
The most disturbing thing about gemm is that in every pic he looks really eager, its kind of unhealthy to be eager all the time.
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Hey, whats that suppose to mean? I always have a smile on my face, ok? Ain't not nothing wrong with doing thats.
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It's still sick and wrong.
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Avery Score/Assistant Editor, Mobile Games at Gamespot talking about the PSP's price:
In our Game of the Year Awards, we called Sony's offering of the PSP for 19,800 yen ($185 US) the biggest news of 2004. We naturally assumed this would correlate to a similar price on US shores, which seemed like the sort of thing capable of wiping the perpetually wide-eyed, smirking expression from Shigeru Miyamoto's pedomorphic face. What we didn't count on is that Sony's executives, to use a term coined by the current holder of our national executive office, are a bunch of 'freedom haters.'
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"I am only incidentally a writer. Primarily, I am the son of my parents." -e e cummings.
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ok, ok, i got another one. This regarding hte cancellation of Star Trek: Enterprise
"I'm sure Berman is busy deciding which alien race to make a sex symbol next. Frankly, he should just put a tribble in a bikini. It'll tap the furry audience and give Rush Limbaugh something new to bitch about so he can feel relevant still."
-R.K. Mulholland of Something Positive
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'Comparing most girls to me is like comparing sputnik to a space-borne death laser' - Faye, Questionable Content
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A good friend, while doing a Myers-Briggs Personality test:
"I don't want to give it a name, then I'll have to keep it!!"
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"Abuse in any form is not funny. At least not like anorexia is. Now that's some hilarious s***."
-Faith Eric Hicks
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Gemm0987: Oh, ok. Now it's all cohesively put.
norroway2: i live to confuse you, gemm
norroway2: since you're the one confusing us most of the time
Gemm0987: heheh
Gemm0987: Actually I live to confuse myself.
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that would be awesome if it did'nt suck.
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'The last time I was in a hospital was... in Max Payne 2...'
Me, during a roleplaying sesson. The rest of the party gave me slightly horrified looks then explained this foolish idea about 'reality' and 'games'.
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Reality = the big blue room with shiny lights in it at night. Generally warmer than elsewhere. Inhabited by n00bs.
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RINGTLEMUR: if I can't see things going any way but my way, I'll go far
RINGTLEMUR: or trip, fall on my face and be dragged into telemarketing
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JP - You don't want a boyfriend, what you want is Mr. Spock.: I was never supposed to be a nerd. It was all a beurocratic mishap. I was sup[posed to be a punk.
Spriggan: Hehe, going to file a complaint with God?
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Calvin: "Also, the universe needs a toll-free customer complaints service! I want value for money!"
Hobbes: "But the place is free!"
Calvin: "See, there's another thing. They should have a cover charge to keep out the riff-raff."
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"I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to."
--- Napoleon Dynamite
(which is fast becoming one of my very favorite movies...)
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I was sitting on the couch doing some good timewasting this afternoon when my three-year-old comes up to me and asked for a drink of water. Ok, it was more like demanding.
"Where's your cup?" I asked. He brought me his sippy cup.
"Now, fill it up!" he whined.
I looked him in the eye. "What's the magic word?"
He thought about it for a moment. "Ca--" He stopped. Then he said "Caput Draconis."
He got his drink immediately.
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That's awesome. I've decided I never want kids, but that kinda stopped me in my tracks...
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to anyone who has "decided" never to have kids, I suggest you don't have enough real criteria for making that decision in most cases. I suggest reconsidering.
Just a father's point-of-view. I didn't even LIKE other people's kids. but then I had my own, and I absolutely fell in love.
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Who else is gonna mow your lawn so you can relax on Sunday afternoon?
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I suggest reconsidering.
Yeah, well I'm reconsidering all the time, I just have a general prejudice (actually, small children scare me...)
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*nod*
cool, cool. Like I said, I didn't like being around kids. I still don't like being around other people's kids (with the exception of my two nieces and a few of my friends' kids). It's really totally different. I'm sure you alread know that, or have at least heard it. It's hard to communicate why until you've partaken.
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SE, stop sounding like a drug dealer please.
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Come on, Ent. You know you want to eat some babies.
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Please guys, keep your dealing to a PM. We don't want to know bout your foul addictions...
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ooh ach, I ate a behbee!
Behbee, it's what's fer dinnah!
Behbee, the other, OTHER white meat!
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I may be hated by the other admins for sharing this, but I couldn't resist. As you know, we are always completely business-like and professional in our admin-only communications. Here's a record of the most recent exchange:
I like cheese. ~Fell
Your mom likes cheese. ~ HoM
Your mum *IS* cheese - Jam
The Cheese is the All Father
Your pants are cheese.
Dude, it's no pants year. You shouldn't be wearing pants. I'm not. ~ Jp
I'm eating mine.
New meaning to "eat my shorts."
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Now, is that hodgepodged together? Or was that all one conversation with JP taking over the end?
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I don't know who said the unattributed bits. Except for the "All Father" statement. That was me.
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"Trust me. I am a lawyer."
Partner of an allegedly prestigous law firm to a class of first year law students.
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Not off-topic or anything, but did you know that the highest rate of yawns per hour was clocked in a first-year calculus class?
And if you did ... Well, something's wrong.
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Yeah, something's wrong. You're in the wrong class--you should be in a stats class.
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They couldn't measure yawning in stats classes, everyone was snoring too loudly.
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"Most people wouldn't know how to question authority if it was on the other end of a knock-knock joke."
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"It's not that I particularly worry I'd be bad with kids, I just have no interest in them. To use my favorite analogy, children are like ostriches--I'm glad ostriches exist, I bear no malice towards ostriches, ostriches doubtless have many stellar qualities, but my life simply doesn't intersect with ostriches at many points. While I'd like to think that I would help an injured ostrich, while I could doubtless become a halfway competent ostrich farmer in much the same way that I could probably become a competent stamp collector or scuba diver if I really wanted to, I have never once in my life woken in the wee hours of the night and said "Damn! Gotta get me an ostrich!"
- Ursula Vernon, on why she does not want to have kids.
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it was a sardonic Yay.
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My attitude *precisely*
Also it made me laugh. Good work :)
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For a woman who doesn't want kids, Ursula Vernon does some great children's interest art.
Sir Bunny vs the Wockwurm? Yeah.
Punk Skunk. Uh-huh.
And Bubba's quote of the day (keep in mind that this kid is 3 years old): "I have laser eyes! And I have laser fingers!"
Insert laser-sounds as he points and glares at various displays at Wal-Mart here.
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sweet. My kids reduce even my Marvel action figures to wedding ceremonies.
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It's like a bizzare Brady bunch. Old One has three insane boys and Saint (one who you might expect to have insane boys) has three fairly normal girls.
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Yeah, you'd hope that I'd have insane girls at least. I'm so disappointed.
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wait til they hit age 13
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I'm doing my best to prevent them from turning 13.
my plan was to geekify them. That way they'd be too nerdly for dates in High School, but when they were finally old enough to date (ie, in their 20s) they'd be dating guys I'd like.
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But, as a father, don't you automatically hate anyone dating your daughters?
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How do you prevent someone from turning 13? Kill them at the age of 12 and mummify them?
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For a woman who doesn't want kids, Ursula Vernon does some great children's interest art.
Many a children's author is the same. They may be in favor of children and like the children they know, but aren't real keen on hanging out with other people's children. Madeleine L'Engle is the best example--has been known to chew kids out in appearances. Best to keep her to teachers and librarians.
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How do you prevent someone from turning 13? Kill them at the age of 12 and mummify them?
It involves a recursive singularity, recalibrating the quantum bypass grid, and a boneless marmoset.
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A girl named Mildred to go for bagels often helps too.
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Is mildred 13?
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No, she's 9.
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So shes a witch?
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Who knows.
"A witch! A witch!!"
"Did you dress her up like this?"
"No... Yes...No... A Bit. A bit.
Well, we did do the nose.
And the hat."
"I see..."
"She turned me into a newt! ... I got better ..."
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I got a star trek TNG paperback at DI on Friday. The first line is:
"The door signal squeepled."
Is that an OFFICIAL term? Like snickt?
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It's star trek, how could it not be?
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Well I've read about 200 of the star trek pb's and I've never seen the word before.
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Squeepled. What a cool word! I wonder if I can get my six-year-old to giggle if I use that word.
Probably. He giggles at the strangest stuff.
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It's very descriptive. I guess that's why the adjectival form is 'onomonopoetic'
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<HellGremlin> Chechnya's only exports are suicide bombs and misery.
and
<Sham> The female orgasm is a myth that the feminist terrorists spread to subdue men
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"...fashion is temporary, but crabbiness endures."
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"You know you've been a techie too long when you read best under blue light, and when asked what the weather's like you respond in gel numbers."
If anyone 'part from JP and AX get this, I'll be pleasantly surprised...
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It's A/V lingo! Run!
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:-[
Can't help it, it's genetic.
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Genetic? Now I have visions of coax veins and gel eyes. ;D
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Yeah, you should just see em... and I actually get that pretty much :)
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Yeah well, you *did* hang round a few times when you had nothing better to do.
Yes, gel eyes all the way. Actually, i'd rather they *glowed* - just replace my eyes with a couple of Par 64s...
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True... actually, in retro - I'm amazed I wasn't there more. Actually, no I'm not. UT... :D
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But the two go together. Take today's example. I go to ask Leigh for the storeroom key so we can focus lights. He says: "Here. Onslought or Deathmatch?"
I'm surprised you weren't there more as well, it's a very nerdy escape that we all fall into eventually.
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It's important to look on the bright side, but you know things have gotten out of control when you have to pull out your own flashlight to do it.
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"The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised it's terror alert level from run to hide.
The only two higher levels in France are surrender and collaborate."
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"That's it. We need to get you some serious clown care."
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<shane> there is a special place in hell, down the hall from hitler, for real player
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Amen to that.
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"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
---Steven Wright
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
---Mitch Hedberg
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"Having been tricked into accepting the characters as people we can trust in and care for, we now discover their world is but a stage, and they but players on it. Psychological realism and emotional continuity be damned!"
--Roger Ebert, in a recent movie review
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"Jesus, Judas is teamkilling again!"
"Judas, don't be a ****."
edited for content
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"Jesus, Judas is teamkilling again!"
"Judas, don't be a ****."
Yes, that had me laughing for about 1/2 hour. Today's was pretty mad too.
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Best linked CNN headline for today - "New Lebanese premier vows transparency"
It makes me think that bit with SE and Jam a while back.
Saint Ehlers: "Just to be clear, I've decided to become transparent."
JamPaladin: "Not opaque?"
Saint Ehlers: "Just to be clear, I am not being opaque."
Gemm: "Opaque isn't as clear as being transparent. So I encourage him to be as transparent as he can."
JamPaladin: "Why not compromise on translucent?"
Saint Ehlers: "Just to be clear, I'm allowing light to pass through me."
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"Yes, I will begin a relationship of trust based purely on lies and innuendo."
anonymous at singles' ward activity.
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"The Artist Formerly Known as Smeagol"
-- Entertainment Weekly, referring to American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis.
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I am the Queen lemming and you, my subserviant following lemming must obey. -MS Fish
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"Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."
A line from The Third Man, which I watched last night. Great movie.
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Sorry for the irrelevant "me too" post, but I just had to agree that that is one of my almost favourite movies ever.
"Hope is a denial of reality."
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How is that a good quote? it's meaningles teen angst from someone who, when they tried to explain it, merely proved they had no concept of what "hope" was.
Now, I've seen this grafittied on two walls in my city:
"The purple Traitor is... Her majesty the Queen."
No idea what it means, but it sounds cool.
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Old history. If Australia decides to ditch the english royalty I bet it will be less bloody than ours.
Here's my Best Quote Lately
"There are only two worlds - your world, which is the real world, and other worlds, the fantasy. Worlds like this are worlds of the human imagination: their reality, or lack of reality, is not important. What is important is that they are there. These worlds provide an alternative. Provide an escape. Provide a threat. Provide a dream, and power; provide refuge and pain. They give your world meaning. They do not exist; and thus they are all that matters." - Titania, Neil Gaiman's "The Books of Magic"
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"Man finds nothing so intolerable as to be in a state of complete rest, without passions, without occupation, without diversion, without effort. Then he feels his nullity, loneliness, inadequacy, dependence, helplessness, emptiness."
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This? Really is the best quote I've seen lately.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn." --Joss Whedon
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Nobody becomes depraved all at once---Juvenal(Some Roman dude)
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"Welcome to reality, visit again soon!"
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"Also, french fries are bad for you. This is a shame, because I think they are just about the tastiest thing you can do to a potato."
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Not so much a quote, but a funny T-Shirt from a band called "Suicide Machines". Has anyone recieved the e-mail about starbucks, and our troops over in Iraq. If not the story is this. A soldier in service there wrote to starbucks, and asked them if they would support the troops by sending some of their great gourmet coffee. Starbucks replied that they DO NOT support the troops efforts in Iraq and refused to send the coffee in support.
Now back to the T-Shirt. A green T-Shirt the color of Starbucks label green with an altered Starbucks logo. The regular logo has a female figure with a type of plant behind her branching outward. On this shirt instead of a plant the figure is morphed into hands with thumbs raised, and index fingers pointing to the temples of the head. Instead of Starbucks being read, and "I QUOTE" the band name is referenced around the logo "SUICIDE MACHINES". ;D
My brother is over there now, again I quote " i USED to drink starbucks coffee, but NOT ANYMORE!
Go to the link below to see sample:
http://www.suicide-machines.com/merchpics/sb.html
In order to buy it go here:
http://www.suicide-machines.com/merch.html
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it's actually a mermaid. I've seen pictures of some of the really old logos, and it was less stylized.
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Has anyone recieved the e-mail about starbucks, and our troops over in Iraq. If not the story is this. A soldier in service there wrote to starbucks, and asked them if they would support the troops by sending some of their great gourmet coffee. Starbucks replied that they DO NOT support the troops efforts in Iraq and refused to send the coffee in support.
I'd just like to point out that the very popular email is in fact false, as most of them are.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/starbucks.asp
And there is a thread called 'Tshirts that must be owned' for this sort of thing.
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From an old email I sent to J.T. -
P.S. - We watched Othello today, and learned it's always important to remember this: Even if your very bestest friend says I'm cheating on you, he's lying, and killing me in a fit of jealous rage won't help.
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"I can't afford cheese."
- JP
:'(
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"You are just a figment of your imagination"
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I never much cared for Douglas Adams's Hitchhiker series. I kept trying to read them, and I could see that the author was enormously amused with his story. But I didn't find it funny enough to keep me reading, because there was nothing and no one to care about. It was all about how clever the author was. I find that irritating, even when the author is, in fact, clever.
--Orson Scott Card
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"I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like dude. You have to wait."
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The beach, the beach! Guys, it's where dirt meets water.
...all these people going round, with their tanned skin and white teeth.
Dude. I have white skin and tanned teeth."
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"Mom, I want to be a PowerPuff boy!" --Runaway
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This is a serious quote, not a funny one. But it's great!
[Interview by Reader's Digest with Steven Spielburg re: making War of the Worlds]
Readers Digest: As technology makes it possible to turn imagination into reality, what's the future of fantasy?
Spielburg: Fantasy will be part of our lives because it springs from our eternal souls. We are given a great gift at birth: imagination. It lasts forever, without borders. It is the true "force" that makes all of us pioneers in this world and beyond. It's the one true saving grace of the human condition. If we let it, imagination can unite the world.
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From CNN, no less!
"White rhinos are the most numerous member of the rhino clan but are still endangered. Like their rarer and smaller counterpart the black rhino, the only other African rhino, they are, confusingly, gray in color."
http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/science/05/23/rhino.goat.reut/index.html
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I sense a Disney animated feature coming out of this.
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Hopefully one with fewer commas.
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<@legonas_tedams> god
<@legonas_tedams> i set my desk on fire
<@legonas_tedams> i spilt my lighter fluid on accident
<@legonas_tedams> and i thought the fastest way to dry it up
<@legonas_tedams> was to set it on fire
<@legonas_tedams> and i did
<@legonas_tedams> and the stuff wouldnt go out
<@legonas_tedams> it melted my headphones
<@legonas_tedams> my laptop is all melted on the edges
<@legonas_tedams> its AWSOME
<@legonas_tedams> best thing i ever did
<@legonas_tedams> never laughed so hard in my life
Someone I know online :)
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"Eat Fat Free Lettuce Here"
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"And here's [my submission]. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry, the subliminal messages will make you send me money..."
--Holly, a member of my writing group
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20 minutes. Four out of six deaths. It's like Monte Cooke broke down the door of the game room and screamed "WELCOME TO THE DUNGEON, MEAT!!!!!"
From a ENWorld thread about embarrassing PC deaths.
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Maybe you're the crazy one, and I am the one with the goat. - OnionofDeath
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"He who does not punish evil commands it to be done."
-Leonardo Da Vinci
"Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing."
- Robert E. Howard, The Tower of the Elephant.
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From a YA book I'm plugging through:
"I am Odysseus, Prince of Ithaca."
The satyr's brow creased in thought. "Aah, yes--Ithaca. Sour grapes. Ugly women."
"My mother--" Odysseus began.
"All men's mothers are beautiful," Silenus said quickly.
That made me stop and laugh. :D
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Okay, I know I just posted here last night, but being sick has given me lots of reading time and I keep finding great quotes. These are from Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.
Newt's car was a Wasabi. He called it Dick Turpin, in the hope that one day someone would ask him why.
"So we're the other Four Horse--, um, Bikers of the Apocalypse. So which ones are we?" Pigboy asked.
...
Big Ted screwed up his face with the effort of thought. "G.B.H.," he said eventually. "I'm Grievous Bodily Harm. That's me. There. Wott're you going to be?"
"Can I be Rubbish?" asked Skuzz. "Or Embarrassing Personal Problems?"
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When I was playing Cinema Quote Sense I stumbled upon this quote. It seemed more appropriate for here:
"When you read a book as a child, it becomes a part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does."
--Meg Ryan's character in You've Got Mail
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some day I will see you headbutting the collected works of Shakespeare trying to get it to give you money
- OnionofDeath
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"While men may, indeed, be from Mars, women are from someplace much more complex and difficult to figure out. Maybe Boston."
- CNN article about cars
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"Revenge is serving cold cuts."
-- Sobe bottle cap.
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(This didn't tie in to the current cinema quote, but I had to post it because we just watched the movie.)
"Men of sense, whatever you may say, do not want silly wives!"
--Mr. Knightly, Emma (the version with Gwyneth Paltrow)
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"Pork, Mother--Pork!"
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[10:09] BenKenobi: i should work on something
[10:09] BenKenobi: perhaps trying to tell my boss that we need to spend $1000 instead of the $300 I thought
[10:09] BenKenobi: which just kind of makes us all go "Ulp!"
[10:15] Penny`: "boss. i just realized. what i lack in cost projection analysis. i more than compensate for in spending ability"
[10:20] BenKenobi: oo, i should have put it that way
[10:20] BenKenobi: instead I have a research project
[10:21] BenKenobi: and like all good research projects, this one is going to start with a google search for pictures of Victoria Zemanova
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I regard digital piracy of my books as a sort of natural tax on being popular.
William Gibson, coolest man on the net
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[11:41] Fawnn: Post on Calif earthquake thread yesterday: Just felt it!!
[11:41] Fawnn: Reply to that post:
[11:41] Fawnn: Stop that, or you'll go blind.
[11:41] Fawnn: Now, what about the earthquake?
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discussing the panning of War of the Worlds in Europe:
[08:45] Spriggan: kinda like ID4 where they got upset that it only showd the americans fighting back
[08:45] Beelzebubba: well, who else would fight back?
[08:45] Beelzebubba: the french? right.
[08:46] Spriggan: ya they've got an anti-ufo battle group. best of the best.
[08:46] Spriggan: it comes equiped with 13 different means of surrender
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Feedback I just received regarding an Independent Study I'm taking through BYU:
'Hence answer "A" for question 16 of lesson one is the correct statement. The student answered A which was the incorrect answer. The correct answer for this question is "D".'
Makes sense to you, too, huh?
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"Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one"
- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
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On a change jar in a grocery checkout line:
"We Support Prostate Cancer"
I think I'll save my money for the people supporting research.
-
I support my prostate cancer habit too. I tried to quit, but it turns out I'm addicted. So I just gave up and go with it.
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"The most fantasmagorical musical entertainment in the history of everything!"
--from the original theatrical trailer for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
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Punky: "Henry can't go to jail! He can't live on bread and water--he needs prunes!"
Punky Brewster :)
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From Ebert's review of Fantastic Four: "The Thing looks like Don Rickles crossed with Mt. Rushmore"
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I was raised to be charming, not sincere.
--Prince Charming, the musical "Into the Woods"
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Delivering the final blow to Meteo was proving difficult until the Meteos fused into a giant fork! Using all of its power, the Metamo Ark cut up the well-done Metoes like a delicious steak. Utter victory is ours! Probaly.
~One of the endings from Meteos a pussle game for the nintendo DS.
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"In the case of Scott McCloud, I pulled a wad of money from my wallet and pressed it into his palm, squeezing his shoulder and crying out "Love me again, love me as your own son.""
-Tycho
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Good.....bad......I'm the guy with the gun
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just had this conversation with my girl friend.....
G/F: "So I just donated my hair to cancer"
Me: "why does cancer need your hair?"
G/F: "Because people are trying to elimate them so they
needed a costume"
Me: "What?"
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"It's possible. Men really are that dense." -Chimera
;) ;D
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"The act of exploration is not so much one of seeking new landscapes but of fashioning new eyes."
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From the book Portrait of Yo Mama as a Young Man:
"If nervous tics were pizzas, yo mama would have five pizzas that freak everybody out."
"Yo mama's so mentally disturbed, if depression were pastrami, anxiety mustard, and obsessive-compulsive disorder lettuce, she could eat her mental problems as a pretty good sandwich. Only one problem, though: no bread."
Read the exerpt: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?userid=gW4Al8KBBq&ean=9781400050727&displayonly=EXC#EXC
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That freaks me out.
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Quote from Villians on Kim Possible:
[Draken makes chocolate milk.]
Draken: "Shego, have some Cocoa Moo. It is so soothing."
Shego: "Are you joking?"
Draken: "I never joke about Cocoa Moo!"
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Phone conversation I had with EUOL
Chimera: I'm surprised I haven't had a dream about being a pirate, with all the time I've been playing Tradewinds. It's only a matter of time, I suppose.
EUOL: You know what you're pirate name would be, don't you?
Chimera: No, what?
EUOL: Heath-AAAR!
Chimera: [Groans at super-corny joke]
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Another conversation with EUOL:
Chimera: You're not paying attention to me.
EUOL: I am paying attention to you. Now be quiet while I read this email.
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"Improper loading may result in serious injury or death."
-Sign on a paper towel dispenser in a Sinclair gas station
-
"Please to not post signs on pole"
-a sign on a pole at the corner of a street in my hometown
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[13:21] Tage: dan's second born is the direct offspring of entropy
which raised an eyebrow or two
Of course he qulified it with "the force, not the forum-goer" but that's not as funny.
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I deny all knowledge of the existance of WMD's within my territory.
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JadeKnight: Wow! Those are BIG breasts!
(He was making an exclamation about chicken at a grocery store.)
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Grr. You had to post that.
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404 Pants not Found: spanking is always funny\
404 Pants not Found: monkeys being spanking is hilarious.
404 Pants not Found: but spanking the monkey just makes you go blind
Spriggan: that's quote material
404 Pants not Found: jsut be sure to correct my grammar for the second line
404 Pants not Found: and on an equally perverse sounding but perfectly innocent note: my Ultimate Lizard won't stay up
404 Pants not Found: he keeps falling over
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Grr. You had to post that.
Oh, come on. You know you wanted me to. What's the point of saying good quotes like that if you aren't quoted? :P
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"I was just going to wear something from my own closet. And by closet, I mean floor."
- My brother-in-law, Matt, on whether or not we needed to buy him a dress shirt.
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Sounds like my brother James. If the clothes are on the floor, they're clean. If they're in the hamper, they're dirty.
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That's like me, except sometimes the bucket is clean clothes, and sometimes it's dirty ones.
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The only vegetables I eat are bananas.
My younger brother. He did not mean this as a joke.
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"Maybe somebody lost their Ariel doll, and I could give them mine."
My 6yo daughter, when I told her about people losing everything they have in Louisiana. It nearly makes me cry every time I think about it. That doll was something she had been begging for for months. It was her most prized posession.
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"No man who hates dogs and children," W.C. Fields liked to say, "can be all bad." The biggest difference between Mr. Fields and the American Civil Liberties Union is that the ACLU still likes dogs.
- Alan Sears (http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=46088)
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Yes, the book is approved for public consumption. And while there will inevitably be many minor editing changes, there's only one big change: I need to include more background. See, I have it in my head that anyone who reads my books has not only read my prior books, but has pondered them for great amounts of time, perhaps forming Yahoo! Groups to discuss the many hidden secrets and cliffhangers. Apparently, this won't be the case, so I need to provide a little more recap.
-Robison Wells
Why isn't anyone joining my Yahoo! Group?
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A feature from FEMA's website (prior to Katrina):
The "FEMA for Kidz" rap!
"Disaster . . . it can happen anywhere,
But we've got a few tips, so you can be prepared
For floods, tornadoes, or even a 'quake,
You've got to be ready - so your heart don't break."
"Disaster prep is your responsibility
And mitigation is important to our agency."
"People helping people is what we do
And FEMA is there to help see you through
When disaster strikes, we are at our best
But we're ready all the time, 'cause disasters don't rest."
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Shego: If you're an evil super genius, why do you always steal things?
Drakken: I'm outsourcing. Why reinvent the wheel?
--Kim Possible
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Roy: You can't blow Miko up, Vaarsuvius!
V: I believe you mean that I shouldn't blow Miko up. I am fairly certain that if I put my mind to the task, I can do exactly that.
--Order of the Stick, #221 (today's)
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Me and another chap at work:
Induction person: 'And If anyone has the religious holiday of Eeed coming up, or any other holidays, let me know.'
Me: 'What religion is 'Eeed'? And I wonder if I could put Flying Spagetti Monster down as my religion.'
Jason: 'Heh. I think i'll put down the 4th of July as a religious holiday.'
Me: 'So your religion is 'American'?'
Jason: 'Yeah. Got to feel the freedom... my ancestors were from America, they moved there from Britain.'
Me: 'So your ancestors moved from Britain to America, and then back? Were they just really indecisive?'
And during a game of Dystopia (http://www.dystopia-game.com):
Dragon King: 'Why does the rocket launcher sometimes just refuse to fire?'
[OS]Entsuropi: 'god knows'
[OS]Yakzan: 'God, why does the rocket launcher sometimes refuse to fire?'
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When art critics get together they talk about Form and Structure and Meaning. When artists get together they talk about where you can buy cheap turpentine.
- Pablo Picasso
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Who cares what the chinese do? They eat dogs.
-
Ari is Chinese.
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Quote from Lizzie McGuire--Mom and Dad discussing Lizzie having a boyfriend:
Mom: You can't tell a girl not to go out with a boy--that's a sure way to make him even more desirable to her.
Dad: I'm not prepared to use reverse psychology. I don't even understand normal psychology!
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Ari is Chinese.
Now, I thought she was Canadian. They eat maple syrup, not dogs.
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She's Chinese Canadian, born in China.
Maybe she should be eating maple-syrup covered dogs?
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Then why doesn't my sister-in-law eat gravy covered dog? She's american-korean.
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Then what does that make my brother since he eats hotdogs with his salt?
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He's from Utah. Utah contains the city called 'salt lake city'.
The rest.. is up to you!
Just remembered, you two are from alaska or something inane like that. :P So he lives in Utah. All other points still apply.
Up to you!
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Just so you know, it IS hilarious that you can get Alaska and Nebraska confused.
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Then what does that make my brother since he eats hotdogs with his salt?
He eats salt with everything, not just hotdogs. He's a salt vampire; we already knew this.
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New Security Alerts
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings, the level has just been raised from 'miffed' to "peeved'! Soon though, the levels may be raised yet again to "irritated' or even "a bit cross".
Londoners have not been a "bit cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "tiresome" to "a bloody nuisance", The last time a "bloody nuisance"
warning level was issued was during the great fire in 1666.
Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military capability.
It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert, the Italians have increased their alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels, "invade a neighbour" and "lose".
Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "isolationism" to "find another oil-rich nation in the middle east ripe for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "attack the
world" and "beg the British for help".
Finally over there in Britain they've gone from "pretend nothing's happening", to "make another cup of tea". Their higher levels are "remain resolutely cheerful" and "win".
British email joke that's making the rounds.
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That's all nice and accurate. Except that it's the British that usually ask for OUR help.
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After months of heated debate and repeated last-minute deadline changes, Iraq's elected representatives have reached agreement on their new Constitution.
It will be 10.
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[11:18] SaintEhlersWork: that's COOL
[11:19] twgcom: so is cross-dressing
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Because this will be child #4. The last three were girls. And while I suppose they don't *have* to take a husband's last name, that's the traditional thing.
Ari tells me it's forbidden by law in Quebec.
So tell them to get married in Quebec. =þ
That sounds suspiciously like retarded.
good one, e. That quip really made me lol. ;D
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I still don't get it.
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It just made me laugh because e was being blatantly close-minded to other cultures. But I believe he was joking, which was why it was funny. If he wasn't joking, it wouldn't be nearly so amusing.
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Caelan (my 7-year old son): Hello? Where is the syrup?
Me (as Caelan opens the fridge): In the fridge. Duh!
Caelan (looking in the fridge): Cool! Talking syrup!
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"well, that's kind of better, only like throwing up is better than eating someone else's thrown-up substance."
- Ari
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sorry to disappoint, but I do think writing a law FORBIDDING someone to change their name to that of their spouse is pretty retarded.
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Seconded SE.
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I agree, but Québec has a very healthy feminist contingency (and there's also the fact that the Socialist government can track women better when they're not allowed to change surnames). I believe they're a huge part of the PQ (Parti Québecois)
At any rate, new quote:
...the Pharaoh ant can transmit over a dozen pathogenic pathogens.
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42's player: That's not how the creators of D&D intended it.
42: D&D has no creator. It is simply the end result of certain elements combining and evolving over time.
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You GMed, and they argued with you?
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Jade says:
PLAGIARISM!!!
Jade says:
Rowling totally stole HP2 out of the D&C
Jade says:
D&C 38:13, 28
Jade says:
"And now I show unto you a mystery, a thing which is had in SECRET CHAMBERS, to bring to pass even your DESTRUCTION in process of time, and ye knew it not"
Jade says:
"And again, I say unto you that the ENEMY IN THE SECRET CHAMBERS SEEKETH YOUR LIVES"
Jade says:
Oh, I get it! JOSEPH SMITH PROPHESIED ABOUT HARRY POTTER!!!
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"What we cannot reach flying, we must reach limping. It is no sin to limp." --Sigmund Freud
This gives me hope. :D I may even have to change my quote to it, to remind me.
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From the deleted scenes on the Series of Unfortunate Events DVD:
The two powder-faced women have been fighting over Count Olaf. He hugs one and in a stage whisper says, "I love you. You are my life, my future."
Then he hugs the other and whispers to her, "I think we're going to have to kill her eventually."
;D I just love Jim Carey. When he is on form, he can ad lib some great lines.
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"Hell, I work with you and I don't even know what your power is. Green?! Green is not a power, green is a color!"
- Superman, to Green Lantern, Losing Lois Lane
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"Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw, and he never has the same problem twice."
- Arrogant Worms - 'Malcolm'
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Okay, I have several.
Jeffe: That's just not my style.
Fish: What?
Jeffe: Being a girl.
"We meet again, my coupon." -Oldie Locks' 5 year-old.
"Mommy, I wish you were a cheese pizza. Eatza!" -Oldie Locks' 7 year-old.
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And don't forget (inspired by Wallace and Gromit's "I'm simply crackers about cheese!):
"I'm simply McDonalds about Wal-Mart!"
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After I explained how the Nephites named all of their kings Nephi:
Ari: "That's like naming all of our presidents George - oh, wait, we do!"
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-
Long lives are sexy.
- Entropy
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from a d&d session we had involving the deathknell miniatures of the giant frogs.
me: "if you face the frogs together it looks like they are kissing"
BJ: "i hate when frogs kiss from a long distance away because you can see what they are doing in their mouths"
everyone: "ewww" <followed by laughter>
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[23:18] Nick: Ent|Bed changes to Ent|Civ4
[23:28] <Joe_Monso> and that right there is dedicated
[23:29] <Joe_Monso> You wake up and then go straight to the game
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[15:02] evocablerapier: buy me a mac mini too
[15:03] SaintEhlersWork: yeah, I'll just use all that money I've been stashing in my pants
[15:03] evocablerapier: yay pants money
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that was a good one. thanks for the laugh.
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Steve: Those are probably the coolest earrings I've ever seen.
Me: Well, if you ever become a girl I'll let you borrow them.
(am I allowed to quote myself? I'm going to because I think I'm funny. :D)
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“If psychology has not made of [the] conjuring power of food as much as it might, literature on the other hand has been its diligent observer.”
—Kim Chernin, The Hungry Self
“[F]ood is a strong ‘edible dynamic’ binding present and past, individual and society, private household and world economy, palate and power.”
—Warren J. Belasco, Appetite for Change
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Is my membership needed?
Of course, not always.
From the North Korean English website's FAQ about if it's necessary to register.
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"Never Propose to a Yak"
from Mahjong the Endless Journey, a RealArcade game
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This is from Fell (Dan)--
A brief conversation with my brother:
Rob: Do you want to come up and play football on Thanksgiving?
Dan: Like, on a computer?
Rob: Like that, except out on the grass. It's like the ultimate video game: it's all 3-D -- just like you were there! (Exactly like it, in fact.)
Dan: So am I the one playing, or do I have a team of people to order around?
Rob: You would be playing. It's a very customizable game, though: you could play as a reciever or a running back, or even as QB. And, if there's a tank, you can hop right into it and use that. They're rare, though.
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"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true."
--Robert Wilensky
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"While we ourselves are the living graves of murdered beasts, how can we expect any ideal conditions on this earth?"
George Bernard Shaw
I don't necessairily agree with the whole "everyone go vegetarian!" opinion, I just adore the "living grave" concept.
sorry if this was posted earlier, just tell me and I'll get rid of this, I didn't have time to go through all 24 pages of quotes
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We're the living graves of plants, too! Plants can't talk for themselves, so they need me to talk for them! They are brutally abused! Ripped out of their homes and tossed together in unbearable ways! They are raised solely for the purpose of getting munched on - sometimes while still alive! How horrible is that?
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"You three make an interesting pair."
"I just remembered there are french fries in my purse."
-Old One
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My daughter was hiding from my son and after he left she said, "Oh good, now I can talk to myself."
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"Pedestarian Paris? It's pedestrian."
"I know, my way sounds better."
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This was from a nes cast in Utah. They were talking about fules to keep the house warm. I dont know who the people were so i will just use it as 1 and 2.
1:We are running low on gasoline and natural gas. What else can we use?
2:*Holds up a peice of wood* I do know this works really well to burn, but where to you get it, and how much does it cost?
1:*Bursts out laughing* Take a look out side. You are offically a dumb Blonde.
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Bubba: Mom? Z is for zebra.
Me: It certainly is. And what is A for?
Runaway: Alligator.
(I was expecting Apple)
Me: Really? Are you sure it's not for Aardvark?
Runaway: Well, that too.
Bubba: And Apple.
Me: Good job!
(A few moments of silence).
Runaway: And Alcatraz.
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We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero!
--Wash talking to Jayne, "Firefly: Jaynestown"
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My Mom: I can read your mind. *Wriggles her fingers* Right now you are thinking about Santa Claus.
My 3 yr old Nephew: *Begins to shake his head, then a look of astonishment crosses his face* Yeah!
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"What is a master writer?
I read Tolkien now and notice the gaps, the evasions, all the 'bad' things... but few books have had the effect on me that TLOTR had when I was thirteen. Is he better or worse, for example, than Anita Brookner, widely regarded as a 'fine writer' although terribly dull to read? What is a writer supposed to achieve?
Before I rank Tolkien, I'd like to know how the scoring is being done."
Terry Pratchett - on the quality of Tolkien's writing.
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A conversation I had this week with my 3-year-old son:
Nessa: You're a boy.
Carter: No, I'm Carter.
Nessa: But you're a boy, too.
Carter: I'm a truck.
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From House of Mustard, describing his baby son:
"Sam is everything I want to be in life: fat, sleeping, and always in the arms of a woman."
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Awww, that's so cute (if a bit Oedipal...)
Aaanyway, here's a fun quote:
"He makes everyone cry. He's like a monster."
--Kaylee in "Firefly"
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[00:14] ‹J0ssari› Uh oh, Israel shoud not bomb Iran before the USA does. Its bad mojo
[00:14] <Ent|Narnia> usa is the tank
[00:14] <Ent|Narnia> tank should pull
[00:14] <Ent|Narnia> britain is the rogue
[00:14] <Ent|Narnia> israel is the mage
[00:15] <Ent|Narnia> UN is the healer
Yes, i am a hopeless nerd.
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Warrior needs food badly.
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"Can you believe I started this whole noisy mess with just two kids??" - My grandma, at the family reunion.
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From Mahjong the Endless Journey:
"Own a clever goat by all means, but make sure you can outwit it."
"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
"It's good to be on the right track, but you'll get run over if you just sit there."
And probably the most profound:
"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
My time-wasting game gives me deep insights. What does yours do?
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The knowledge that at least two of those quotes were not originally from "Mahjong the whatever." Which makes me think that possibly none of them are.
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"The keywords tonight are 'caution' and 'flammable'" - A bad movie marathon night.
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The knowledge that at least two of those quotes were not originally from "Mahjong the whatever." Which makes me think that possibly none of them are.
Doesn't change the fact that they're cool.
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"defend to the death" quote is Voltaire.
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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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Villain: Minions, report for free bagels.
Lackey: Free bagels?
Villain: Well, whenever I tell them to report for deadly combat no one shows up.
--The X's
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"Morality in a nutshell. Don't hurt people if you can avoid it. Don't steal stuff unless you're starving or it's really important. Word hard. Pay your bills. Try to help others. Always double-check your math if there are explosives involved. If you screw it up, you need to see it gets fixed. And don't eat anything that talks. If it doesn't fall under one of those categories, just do the best you can. "
- Digger, by Ursula Vernon.
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"If you hear only one song this year there's something terribly wrong with you."
-John Flansburgh quoting a review of TMBG in Easy Rider.
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"Hey guys, wait for me!"
[to two kids who look at her]
"No, not you, I don't even know you!"
--Lilly, The Princess Diaries
I forgot how much I liked this movie. And that quote.
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"New Year's resolutions always go in one year and out the other."
--Unknown
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We know that you are focused on maximizing the total cost of your Laptop/Notebook ... Trust only Dell Memory for your next Dell system upgrade!
Hrm. Dell's got some weird concepts about what shoppers want. I kind of wanted to minimize the cost of any computer I bought.