Thoughts while Reading:
Angel my love? Man, this guy is confused. Or maybe I am just confused. All the girls seemed to have blended together. Is that the effect you want?
The descriptions are really good here, but again, watch the "I did this, I did that," sentence structure.
"I'm done running, done with reacting to what others throw my way." This is a necessary transition for any MC to take, but I wouldn't state it so obviously. Find ways to subtly show it and prove it.
You really need to iron out for us what your magic can and can't do and what the cost of using it is.
Okay, it may just be because I wasn't here for the first bits, but until the end I had no idea you were taking about Miranda until the end of the flashback bit.
Flashbacks seem a bit awkward and choppy. Is there a way for you to summarize the important bits rather then just cutting/pasting? I love the concept though.
"This is where I would switch to Miranda’s part in the story." And I don't get to see it?
"and what emerged was horror." Another example of a time I would like to skip the tellyness and judge that it is horrible for myself.
These fight sequences seem a bit too long-probably needs some dialogue or something to break it up-and it is a bit confusing because I still don't feel I have a firm grasp on your magic system and the effects of the spells everyone is casting.
"bites off my finger with the ring." Sorry, I know I am hardly one to talk, but this just screams Frodo at Mount Doom.
Okay, as far as tags and dialogue goes, in the first sections I thought you went overboard with not using them, and then I felt you went to the other extreme with using them all the time. The section with him talking with the stranger seems to be a good example of the happy medium, at least to me
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Some good tie ups here that would probably mean even more to me if I read the first sections, and a strong ending.
Overall impression:
It looks like you are getting close to the end so big time kudos heading your way. Besides the little things I pointed out, the biggest problem I had is the confusion over the magic system and justification of some of the actions. Like Angel's death. I personally hate it when anyone on the 'good' side dies so I feel cheated if I don't get justification for it. I want to know exactly what it was that made the magic go wrong and why Jason wasn't able to save her. I want to know why the magic would compel him to eat the heart. I want to know what spells he has and what they do before he really, really, needs them. It may be more 'realistic' for Jason to be making things up as he goes and have unanswered questions, but this is a book and as such, I want to know EVERYTHING by the end or reason to believe it will be answered in a sequel. Please don’t substitute confusion for suspense. There is a big difference and the later is not a good selling point IMO but that could just be me....
Great Job!