Advice

[stacer]

Dear Dr. SE,

Maybe you can clear this up. Why do short men always ask tall women out, and tall men ask short women? This seems counterproductive to us.

Sincerely,
The Tall Girls

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Tree-Top:

No idea what you're talking about. My wife is within 3 inches of my height.

But to make something up: Short guys are used to feeling inferior, and they like their women to reinforce that. Same with the tall guys, but they have dominance issues, and they need short women to help them feel significant

-Dr. SÉ

[Lieutenant Kije]

Dear Dr. SaintEhlers,

What exactly is that thing where Michael Jackson's nose used to be?  If you want to give me advice along with an answer, you can tell me how I should feel about it.  Thanks.

Sincerely,

Anonymous Jones

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Michael:

hey you freak, I have no idea what you paid to have done to your face, though I think you should ask for your money back, you'll need it for the lawyers.

-Dr. SÉ

[Lieutenant Kije]

Dear Dr. SaintEhlers,

Your use of the accent mark is entirely unwarranted.  Such an symbol attempts to bestow a sophisticated, continental air.  Now I know for a fact that you're a megalomaniac who orders ninjas around to do his evil bidding, probably from a cave underneath Zimbabwe.  Not from Europe.  What do you have to say to this?

Yours Truly,

Murray X., President CMWAEPNJ
(Criminal Mastermind Watchdog Association of Eastern Pennsylvania and New Jersey)

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Wimp,

You have a chronic jealousy problem. You also have FAR too much interest in what other people are doing. This all results from a psychosis that developed when the girl you liked walked in on you showering and laughed. You could never get over it, so now you stick your nose in other people's business. Get over it. Here are some pills to help.

-Dr. SÉ

[fuzzyoctopus]

Dear Dr. Saint

I find that I have an extra head beginning to grow out of my left shoulder.  What should I do about this?

- Never Alone

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Two's a Crowd:

Never go to sleep first, and keep the secondary head well fed. You never know what it might do.

On the other hand, you never know when it might come in handy.

-Dr. SÉ

[Bunnicula]

Dear Doctor Saint Ehlers-

Say I have a friend who does something rather stupid.  This friend gets upset about it and keeps exclaiming that he is very stupid.  I, being upset at him, am thinking that I would like to agree and say, "Yes you are stupid," however he is my friend and I don't wish to hurt his feelings, so I say "No, you're not stupid."   It is, in fact, true that he is not stupid, because he is very intelligent.

So am I simultaneously lying and telling the truth?

- Confused

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Muddled:

Yes and no.

-Dr. SÉ

[Lieutenant Kije]

Dear Dr. SaintEhlers,

Who moved my cheese?

Sincerely,

management trainee

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

Dear mister Dr. SE,

Don't tell the cheeseless one this, but I took his cheese. It was mostly delicious until i ran into my mouse problem again. Do you have any advice for getting rid of mice that eat my cheese?

-Not a mouse

[42]

Dear Saint:

For some reason I keep getting encarcerated for slashing up my forearms, ankles and feet. Apparently it is "illeagle" to cause injury to yourself.

So my question is: Why don't people who get tattoos, body piercings or just stub their toes a lot get encarcerated?

Sincerly,
Klutz

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Manager Mouse:

Probably my daughter. She likes cheese

-Dr. SÉ



Dear Señor Mouse:

I suggest showing the mouse a Mandy Moore movie. Or, if it's a gay mouse, Freddy Prinze, Jr.

-Dr. SÉ


Dear Captain Señor Mouse:

That's not the question. The question is why do rich people think they need a $20k colorimeter for personal use when they're not paying off my student loans? I mean, has the world gone SANE. ... wait... I mean Has the world gone CRAZY?

-Dr. SÉ

[JP Dogberry]

Dear Dr. Se

I have a recurring dream in which I am in a nightclub with a man of only two feet tall, but his head is a full metre diameter. He is playing on a scaled down guitar, and headbanging to the beat, when he breaks the guitar in half and starts breakdancing. He tries to do a headspin, and his neck breaks. Then, the dance music suddenly stops, and everyone starts lookign at me. Someone shouts out "It's him! He killed Mr. Polygonstick!" and everyone starts running towards me trying to beat me to death with sticks. I try to run, but find myself backed into a wall when I wake up. What does this mean?

- Ludwig Sebastian Polygonstick