Well, this piece definitely held my attention moreso than your other pieces, Falcon. It had direction. Story wise, my only criticism is that there was very little tension within it. The only real tension came when Roethe stabbed himself, and even then it didn't feel that there was danger. The piece felt relaxed, I suppose. Though it was intriguing, so it's okay.
You have a superb grip on characters as well. James has personality, and I want to see much more of him. Great job on that front.
However, there are significant prose/technical issues with the writing itself. You tell instead of showing quite a bit, especially in those first pages. The second paragraph is telly like none other. He's in prison. While some context is good, just get me right into the story. Really, most of the second and third paragraph are summing up when he says "Last time I steal anything legitimate". And now that I think about it, that's a pretty darn hook right there. Regardless, your story starts there and we don't really need too much background beforehand.
The dialogue with Gorilla was good. Short, sweet, and to the point. That may have more to do with Gorilla's personality and dialect than anything else, but the shorter your dialogue, the better it is. The dialogue with Roethe went in too long, mostly because when Roethe was listing a bunch of stuff, it felt very telly. Never do that.
Since you asked about how to fix dialogue and LTU responded, I'll add a bit more: focus in on an emotion. You, from your writerly perspective, want to manipulate emotion, and to do that you need your character to feel emotion. So when you think about dialogue, it's not "what would that person say?" It's "what is this person's objective, and what tactics is he using to achieve it?" Which naturally should lead into some emotion.
So, really, my biggest problem was the telliness of the piece. At least a page of the seven page submission probably could have been cut from the telly prose. I would like to say, however, that you do a much better job at not telling when it comes to Delving. Perfect. It definitely seems you are conscious that you don't want to infodump when it comes to your own fictional concepts, the magic and technology (heartglass and Delving), and your races. Now you just have to apply this lack of telling to the rest of your prose. Then, I think you will have a very good piece.
One final note: it's not immensely clear at the beginning if the Aerendai or the Yan are actual humans, or a different species entirely. When we see Roethe we aren't seeing his physiological differences, and one would think James would pick up on them better--he doesn't seem familiar with them. You don't have to tell too much here, but I would really like to know immediately whether these are humans or some other race.
Oh, line edit things: You first say "Aeredai" and in the next paragraph, its "Aerendai". On page four, remember the rules from multiple paragraph dialogue
You need a new quotation mark to start the next paragraph.
All in all, good job. Just needs tightening.
Roethe's name reminded me Silk's usual username, Raethe