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Reading Excuses / Re: January 11 - Silk - Cobwebs and Silhouettes
« on: January 12, 2010, 06:31:04 AM »
Congratulations! You actually got me to read something!
I like the premise and several of the concepts you are aiming towards. However, this piece raises more questions than are answered. I guess like the others I'd like just a bit more -- maybe half a page.
What is the point of the ghosts signing a contract? Does it effect only their relatives, or to the non-corporeal as well? Why have the living never heard this noise before? Are there no other child ghosts? Ever?!?
It might help if you develop one of the adult ghosts with a bit more description, especially with what is being said to him/her that would give some relevance or value to what the overseers are doing. And then why is that particular ghost distracted by the wailing child? Is there, and forgive my word choice, a tangible effect to the child's screams?
Oh, and if you ever want to film this, let me know. I'm pretty sure I can figure out how to do it nicely. That is assuming some script revisions and a tidy budget...
I like the premise and several of the concepts you are aiming towards. However, this piece raises more questions than are answered. I guess like the others I'd like just a bit more -- maybe half a page.
What is the point of the ghosts signing a contract? Does it effect only their relatives, or to the non-corporeal as well? Why have the living never heard this noise before? Are there no other child ghosts? Ever?!?
It might help if you develop one of the adult ghosts with a bit more description, especially with what is being said to him/her that would give some relevance or value to what the overseers are doing. And then why is that particular ghost distracted by the wailing child? Is there, and forgive my word choice, a tangible effect to the child's screams?
Oh, and if you ever want to film this, let me know. I'm pretty sure I can figure out how to do it nicely. That is assuming some script revisions and a tidy budget...