Within a pagraph of starting chapter nine, I've noticed that Kail has for some reason dropped all the contractions in his thoughts. He's never been this formal before.
"I’d figured out that it was cold because it must have been enchanted..." Awkward sentence here. I think it's just the "I figured out" bit that's making it jar.
"My entire leg turned to ice as my foot touched the ground..." For some reason, at first glance, I thought you meant this literally.
"Then she was on me, leaping forward—clearing about fifteen feet—" I thought this meant height at first, though maybe that's just be. Either way I didn't realize that ail and Kasja were still that far apart.
"I landed in a heap near the fireplace, bruised and bleeding." I think you could get away with this in third person, maybe, but not so much in first. With a first-person narrator I don't expect to be told that the narrator landed in a heap; I expect to feel the impact as he goes crashing into the ground.
I think the writing's slipping just a bit in this chapter. You have a lot of sentences with this construction: "I started to," "I began to", etcetera,and it's nothing too huge especially for a first draft, but the extra verbiage is starting to get a little distracting.
"She never stopped kissing me as we made love." Really? doesn't she need to come up for air?
Still not ao thought from Kail about those men he killed. And I can see him getting, ah, distracted from finding Ellie, but it tweaks me a bit that he doesn't even think about her after the point when Kasja tells him to go find his pretty girl.
Chaos commented that he didn't fully understand how Kail "took her magic away". I don't have a problem with that; I don't think we're
supposed to understand that right now. There are obviously things that either Kail doesn't know about himself, or that Kasja has wrong about him. Either way, she's not trying to inform Kail here; she's upset and going off at the mouth and probably wrapped up more in her own thoughts than she is explaining things to this stupid intruder who's come along and screwed everything up.
I have to agree with Raven, the last bit didn't really feel like a chapter break. In fact, I'd sooner use the end of the first scene in this chapter, ("She kept on kissing me and dawn came and went") as the end of the chapter and put the following scene in a new chapter. An Ellie scene in between would probably be a good idea; I feel like we've been getting a lot of Kail lately. (And I say new chapter rather than new scene because I would be leery about switching POVs too often in first person.)
People are commenting that the Kail/Kasja thing went too fast for them. I can sort of see their concern, but I didn't really feel that way. For me, the interactions between the two of them here have almost nothing to do with romance, and a lot more to do with need and desire. Kasja lives alone, is used to thinking of herself as unattractive, and what's more is frightened and intruiged by this dude who's just come stumbling unwanted into her life; Kail is, theoretically, freaked right the heck out by everything that's happened lately, and you certainly don't need to know a person well before you can feel any sexual tension.
That said, most of this is extrapolation on my part; if this is what you were intending you can certainly emphasize this aspect of it more. That might help address the concern that others have mentioned.
Renoard makes some good points--again, Kail is a little too accepting of Kasja's statement that he's not human. He doesn't necessarily have to react violently, though given wyhat happens in this chapter I could certainly see him doing that, but even if he just tells himself she's lying, or misinformed, and determines to forget about it, that's something. Right now he just seems to swallow it.
Also, Renoard gets ten points for his comment on marriage. Awesome.
