Thoughts While Reading:
If it is purely standard procedure to search everyone, is it really logical for him to have no back up plan at all?
Jagoth snarled a grin
how do you snarl a grin? I wasn't aware that grins had any sort of sound.
I can understand him using the servants as shields, but why take the trouble of tracking them down if they are supposed to be working for him?
I like that you saved Charles and that you did more with your character, but you ruined it a bit for me by making Charles seem a more pathetic character. And you change POVs without a break. If you are going to be omniscient and jump characters within a scene, usually you should keep your narrator voice and stay out of their thoughts.
Unfortunately for his sadistic tendencies
too telly. And sadistic seems too strong a word that will paint the readers view of the character for the rest of the piece, but if he were purely sadistic he would have less of a reaction to the later scene, but if he were just bored it would make more since to me in context because now he has something interesting to do with all the trouble Jagoth caused.
I like a little of the Lucard/Joshie interaction and some of Lucards humor, but I hate the King, just because I am getting tired of the corrupt "God-king" motif that has been creeping into lots of literature lately and he seems to need very little provocation to beat his daughter, though I hate her too because she is only shown in a sexual light along with being whiny.
Overall Impression:
Your chapters are well written, and I can see some more character development, which I appreciate. But I am going to continue to be annoying and tell you that your current style is going to be very polarizing. People are either going to love it or hate it. Not so much in between. Which will lead to a smaller but very zealous fan base. The reason for this is that you write from a very negative and cynical viewpoint where you characterize people by their faults and bring out all the gritty details. Those that like that style (and there is a fair few) will enjoy your book immensely, but it is not a viewpoint I care to entertain very long without balancing out with the other side. That is to say, if you are going to give me characters full of faults, I not only want some justification (which you did much better this time around btw), but I want enough redeeming qualities to balance a few of the characters out without making it seem pathetic. If you are going to point out all the grittiness, I would want you to point out the beauty too.
So yeah, I guess it just depends on the audience and tone you want your book to have as to whether that is a problem or not. If you are writing purely for the dark fantasy crowd, you could be spot on and I really wouldn’t be able to tell you because I never followed that fad. In fact, I avoid it like the plague.