I'd like to thank everyone here, your comments were very helpful. I have definitely quite a lot to think about with what you've given me.
I'll try to keep my reply short and not address all issues raised here. Just a few comments so that you understand better this piece.
First, this section was the first piece of fiction I ever wrote (that was about a year and a half ago). I had revised it once (mostly line editing), and last week, prior to submitting, I noticed something that needed fixing. In the first draft, Destra appeared right before she saw the library (I love 'in late, out early'. This one was really late). In the next paragraphs, she remembered how she got here, in a sort of flashback. While I re-read this, I realized that this was really the wrong way to tell that chapter, so I rewrote the first part, so that everything happens in sequence. As a result, you got an ending that has been vetted by a lot of people, a beginning that I just wrote, and the two meshing in the middle part with new and old words put together.
Now that I see your comments, I realize that the seams are really visible and need work so that I have a piece that feels much more like a whole.
As some of you detected (damn!), English is not my first language (I wish!). When I read the piece for myself, I could see some "stiltedness" in there. I knew something was wrong, but couldn't tell how to fix it. LTU mentioned something like "lazy wording". I think this is definitely part of it, and I'll try to correct that. If any of you have ideas on the subject, I'd be really grateful for any more comments.
For more specific points:
@LTU.
Almost every reader mentioned that "animals" part. Though it is really how Destra and her sisters see men, I agree that this comes in too early, making people thinking that regular animals are chasing her.
You mentioned a shift between part I with poor wording and part II with better wording. Could you tell me when that occured, so I can maybe look at the differences between the two parts?
All I really got as the reader as that she didn't like them, and thought them stupid
: That's exactly right. She's a much prejudiced person coming from a much prejudiced part of a prejudiced society.
I still had a lot of trouble sympathizing with Destra
: At that point, I'm not sure I want the reader to really sympathize with her, because she's not such a nice person, and she's not a main character. Besides, strong sympathy for her would negate much of the sympathy you would have for another character, and believe me, he needs every bit of sympathy he can get!
Mystery breeds intensity, no denying that, but all I really got was the author trying to tell me about a skism between men and women in this world
: It's a big part of that world. I tried not to do too much exposition here, to a point where I say really little. Maybe I need to add more. As someone else said, the scene is quite empty (no people at this hour), so the setting does appear "cardboard-like".
@Dark_Prophecy
Much of the points you mentioned appear to be a result of the late rewrite. I also agree with the parts about the need to insert some action in the middle and the bad guy telling too much (now that you mention it, I can almost see the villain with a curly mustache here).
Her death seemed...well, sort of wasted, otherwise.
That was partly the effect I wanted to achieve here. She felt cornered and the only thing she could think about was suicide, and all that was for nothing as she sees in the end.
@Juan Dolor
You seem to have been really bothered by the "maze". It's only a bunch of small short streets with lots of dead ends. She saw those with her children's eyes as a maze, but it's really not one.
Why not tell us what it is in the first paragraph?
I was really interested by that comment. I seem to have developed an habit to withhold information and present those as twists after. At some points, I want to do just that, but like in this instance, I didn't even realize I was doing it. Nice catch!
This library should not be a surprise.
Well, she's not used to be chased around. She knows the library is here, but she didn't realize that she could use any library to hide until she saw one.
You also raised some points about the absence of people in the streets. They're passing through what is really a "business district" and it's very late in the night (between 1 and 2 in the morning). Nobody comes here at this hour, nobody lives here, so you can shout all you want, people aren't going to hear.
First, how is she hearing them? Is the library door not shut?
: Well, this is not a door. Pretty much everything passes through (light, sound, women), but some things are barred from coming through (men and rats mainly). This will be apparent in later chapters.
So the book, I presume, is destroyed?
: That would be telling :-)
Again, thank you all for your critiques, they've been really appreciated.