* There maybe spoilers for Mistborn and the Wheel of Time in this thread *
Authors Note: Because I haven’t seen a Writing Excuses episode on this, and because it is something that new writers can get confused on, I’m going to try and give information about how to use internal dialogue from what I’ve learnt.
Internal dialogue was my biggest weakness and something I still struggle with, thus I feel qualified to give advice.
You can feel free to disagree, discus, or jump in with your own thoughts on the subject, but the essay is from my own experiences as a writer.
Internal Dialogue, An Essay
Good internal dialogue doesn’t disrupt the flow of the story; great internal dialogue can’t be seen by the naked eye.
In Brandon Sanderson’s book Mistborn, he uses italicized internal dialogue. This is the first and most commonly used form of internal dialogue. What this does is let the reader know that the italicized sentences are thoughts, and making a clear distinction between the rest of the narrative and the character’s thought. The side affect is that the overuses of the italicized thoughts can distract from the rest of the story. So, while the reader knows for certain that these are character’s thoughts and not necessarily facts, the italicized sentences can be jarring and can throw the reader out of the story.
The second from of internal dialogue is interweaved into the narrative like in the Wheel of Time series—although typically used in first person point-of-view. This allows the author to use unreliable narrators, and doesn’t distract the reader with eye-popping italics. The down side to this kind of dialogue is that it becomes hard for the reader to understand when the narrator is being honest, and when they are lying. It also reads a lot like stream of conscious thought because the character’s minds are so interweaved into the story that the writer has to follow them, this can cause the story to get a bit off track and lose momentum.
Most writers use a combination of the two, so don’t think that you have to use one or the other. Either one of these are good, but misuses of either can ruin a story. Too many italicized sentences can put the story inside the character’s head and make the world and people around him or her dull and lifeless. Using narrative with an underdeveloped character can read like a movie script, or the character’s thoughts may be inconsistent.
When is too much? When the character’s thoughts are the highlight of the novel. One of the attractions of a story should be the characters interactions with one another, unless you are writing something experimental. When one character’s thoughts over shadow the rest of the story then it is obvious that that character is making the world around them feel less interactive despite how developed the author may have made it.
How to avoid too much? It’s as simple as basic human communication: body language and speech. Facial expressions, hand gestures, and body lean can tell the reader a lot about what a character is thinking if used correctly in a social situation. Using speech, you can outright let the reader know what the characters are thinking without breaking point-of-view.
(Or, even better, you can have your main character lie to another without giving an explanation to the reader. This is a good way to see if you are using internal dialogue correctly. Writing a story in which one character lies to another and having people read it to see how many understand why the character did without telling them is a good exercise.)
There are other ways such as having other lively characters around the narrator, or making the narrator very interactive with other people. Typically when you want to use internal dialogue there is a reason to let the reader know what the character is thinking, in those situations it is best to go ahead and use some form of internal dialogue, but I caution against creating your character as a channel through which your own thoughts flow (it can feel oppressive, and just plain annoying).
