Why did Jin not know that knowing how to read and write are are punishable by death in the Salts?
I have no problem with Jin knowing how to read or knowing multiple languages. But it does suggest that he enjoyed a certain amount of luxury as a child--his family had enough money to buy books (which will be more or less of an issue depending on whether the printing press has been invented yet) and possibly a tutor. At the very least, he'll have had time to learn himself and someone will have had time to teach him, which is a pretty significant luxury depending on when and where you're at.
Burm is surprised to find out that Maz knows hs father, even though she said as much--right in front of him--earlier. Something similar happens later, when Jin wonders why Maz bought him if she knew he was so clumsy with a weapon, even though his previous owner had told Maz as much, while Jin was present.
The way you're setting up male-female differences makes them pretty significant. It seems like they think each other are almost different species, rather than just different genders. This is not a problem, necessarily, but is probably worth mentioning.
it also seems like Mahala, at least, has had very little exposure to men--she hardly seems to know what they are. In fact, I'm getting the impression that there's a very pronounced seperation between men and women which seems a little bit... odd. I could fairly easily imagine a society in which there's not much contact with slaves (though this becomes a bit more difficult if your mother is a slave trader) but surely the delineation between male and female non-slaves can't be THAT strict. Again, there are certainly ways that you could construct this logically; maybe you've already done so and we'll find out later. That's fine. Again, it just seemed worth mentioning.
I'm actually starting to get the impression that ALL men are actually slaves. And while I won't often say never, I would probably have a hard time buying that one if it turns out to be the case.
I kind of assumed that Mahala was older at first, but here she seems very young. Eight, maybe.
I find myself liking Maz. I also enjoyed the way you handled her outburst (if you want to call it that) in the smith's tent, when Jin says, "ask him what?". I thought her reaction was portrayed with just the right amount of subtlety here.
Maz tells Jin that she will beat him for his "casualness". I don’t think this is a word. I don’t normally care too much about that in dialogue but here it kind of jolted me. Also, she was perfectly free with him before. Or is it just that she’s still in a bad mood after her encounter with the smith?
Jin tells her that he can speak nine languages, and for a sentence you slip into her point of view; "the cold hand of fear..." etcetera. You can convey the same information from Jin's point of view; having her step back "as if hit by a club" is probably enough to do that on its own, in fact.
Also, I'm quite willing to believe that Jin is good with a number of languages (especially considering his youth), but... nine seems like a LOT--and this is coming from someone who is pretty proficient with languages. I've heard that people can only learn four or five languages at most before they start having difficulties picking up another. Now, don't quote me on that, as I can't remember where I got the information from, but nine still seems like an awful lot. And it indicates that he's very well-traveled for his age. Either that, or there's a LOT of mixing of cultures going on in your society.
So far, it's all good. I bounce back and forth on whether I like Maz as a personality--I'm not sure I would go out with her for coffee (err, especially since I don't drink coffee, but you know what I mean)--but as a character I'm liking her more and more. So good job there. I'm still interested to see where the story goes from here. And that's about all I have, so I'll just close with a few quick responses to what others have said:
I wholeheartedly agree that some more setting details, specifically geographic ones, would be helpful if inserted into the submissions you've given us so far. I think you'll need to provide us more on the cultural aspects of your world soon, but as far as I'm concerned that can be safely left to upcoming chapters.
Regarding what Frog said about the gender issues: I think the presentation of genders here still has the potential to be problematic. I'm not sure it IS problematic yet.
Having Jin comment on how young Mahala is acting will probably help clarify a bit. But I still can't place her age--I honestly have NO idea. I think we need to be able to place her age a little more definitely before you go screwing around with how (im)mature she acts. (Her alternating the way she acts can totally be a legitimate part of her character. It's just that I have no idea where to place her in terms of age, so unless there's already been a very solid hint about her age in the text that I just missed, I think you need to give us that.)
Your research on the clothing and stuff made a lot of sense (and that bit about cotton and such not being common will be useful to me, since I have a book set in, well, an almost-desert, so thanks! XP), but one thing you have to consider is that your readers won't have done the same research. It's entirely possible that another woman reading the book will also see domineering women running around in scanty clothing and go, "Oh, chainmail bikini. Pfft.".
I was also a little surprised at the presence of a free male smith in the bazaar. Vegas is right, one would assume that at the least he would be heavily penalized for his presence there. Then again, with the way Maz marvelled over his work, its possible that they think his stuff is so valuable they don't bother to penalize him? Or he does well enough for himself that those penalties (extra taxes or whatever) don't matter? Still a bit surprising that he hasn't been mugged in the night, though. Or worse.
