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Reading Excuses / Re: September 20 - Asmodemon - The Citadel of Thorns - Chapter Twelve
« on: September 29, 2010, 02:26:05 AM »
I think this is probably the most coherent Rosalin perspective we've seen yet! But I do agree with Hubay about the other characters and their lack of development. It wouldn't even take much. You've done pretty well with Senna, for example- she's embarrassed at the attention she gets by shining and acts that way. Rosalin then later mentions showing some nuts to Dais to get his opinion on their edibleness because "the boy seemed pretty knowledgeable about the forest." But the only other example you've given us of that is him handing her a some leaves. Perhaps on their trek through the forest you could mention him rambling to Amaryllis about this shrub and that bunch of leaves he claims are herbs or something while Kalimeris stalks along with a grim expression (as usual ). Something to show us that the other party members are interacting while she's introspecting.
But on the whole I thought it was well put together. The bathing scene was very well shown.
But on the whole I thought it was well put together. The bathing scene was very well shown.