Hello,
I am really enjoying this book so far. Â
What I would really like to know is if there is a way to upload my own files to this forum, or contribute a file in some way. Â I am working on the FTP thing at work to see if I can use my server there to host it. Â The reason I ask is because I just read Part I and I really liked it, but I was distracted by the spelling errors, so I redlined the whole thing. Â Could I volunteer a version that is edited a tiny bit, or is that taboo?
As to the substance, after Part I, I was not sure whether this was going towards a beauty and the beast thing, or a rapunzel thing (with the hair and the father figure issues.). Â After reading some of the drafts of Part II, it is looking more like beauty and the beast. Â I don't think that is bad, it just means this is a classic story. By the way, I think Part I was looking at the really intersting idea of what happens when a father is too weak to sacrifice his firstborn. Â I would like to see that developed, but it looks like it is getting buried in the other stories (and will be redeemed by a happy ending).
I think one thing that could help the story is an evil character. Â The only obvious villain is Nightblood, and he seems to be kind of a comic relief. Â Vasher, obviously, is an intriguing antihero, but no villain. Â Blushweaver obviously has motives opposed to our heroines. Â Perhaps the priests do as well. Â But this has not been fleshed out much. Â The act of taking someone's breath seems to be considered evil by our heroines and a few others, but to really solidify that, I think it would help to see someone else taking breath (Blushweaver maybe?) and enjoying it, or doing something else obviously evil. Maybe the point of view of someone who's lost breath would help? Â Obviously, this process is not supposed to "hurt" but just sort of numb somebody, so that may be difficult to illustrate. Â Maybe flash back to how Jamine(the girl mercenary, I forgot her name) was before the taking? Â Show how she likes colors?
Anyway, the spelling was a distraction, as was the use of ellipses. Â Maybe it could work if one character used that form of speech/thought, but it seems that the entire world is afflicted with. . . Captain Kirk-itis.
I started reading Part II (I couldn't resist). Â Please, please, please fix the spelling for mussels from muscles, unless you are trying to start your "pun" fantasy now. Â It is really really distracting when a group of characters is sitting around eating "muscles."
Anyway, keep writing, I can't wait for the rest.
-J