Timewaster's Guide Archive

I really liked Chapter 27.  I liked the development of the art critique idea (maybe a cover image is suggested here?).  It is interesting to have a god with power that he doesn't really believe in.  

I also started to wonder if Llarimar weren't a faithful lieutenant of Lightsong in a past life, but some sort of traitor.  If an inspector were hot on your trail in some kind of corruption case, and you managed to assasinate him, it would really really stink if he resurrected the next day.  Maybe that would motivate you enough to make you try to become his priest and keep an eye on him.  But the way Llarimar is so steeped in the doctrine suggests he was a priest already, before Lightsong died.  Hmmm...

I just reskimmed the first paragraphs of Chapter 1 v. 2.0.  Is Nightblood silver or black? is just the hilt silver?  Obviously the blade  needs to be black to fit the painting, and everyone's first impression of it, but having that first description focus on the silver throws me off.

The idea of Nightblood having some mythic historical role in the Manywar is intriguing.  Obviously it would take a ton of breaths to animate a sword.  It is growing more clear that this is not often done in this world.  Also, none of the other reanimated objects seem to talk telepathically to their users.


-J

PS I just volunteered some more superficial edits for Part II.  I am the kind of person that gets bothered by typos, so I thought I would make it easier for new readers who happen to pick up the draft.  Seems to go with the open-source theme here.  Enjoy.

Cool.  I will try the email thing.  

By the way I just finished Mistborn.  [SPOILER WARNING: Don't read this if you haven't finished yet]

Wow.  I really liked it.  As I approached the final chapters, I was sure that you had sold out to the trilogy folks and that you were going to leave everything hanging.  Thank you so much for not doing so.  It always makes me feel ripped off when authors do that.

I loved how you left some big issues hanging so that thre will be plenty to take the series to the next level, but that you wrapped up what I cared about from the first book.  It reminds me of some great series like Dune that started out with a good book and then kept taking it up a notch with each sequel.

Speaking of Dune, in Warbreaker, you could consider doing the preface quote for each chapter from a variety of sources like Herbert did.  That would let you get the history and background in there (suggested by others in the forum) and also add some texture by using different voices and viewpoints.

Thanks for a great read in Mistborn!

-J

Hello,
I am really enjoying this book so far.  
What I would really like to know is if there is a way to upload my own files to this forum, or contribute a file in some way.  I am working on the FTP thing at work to see if I can use my server there to host it.  The reason I ask is because I just read Part I and I really liked it, but I was distracted by the spelling errors, so I redlined the whole thing.  Could I volunteer a version that is edited a tiny bit, or is that taboo?

As to the substance, after Part I, I was not sure whether this was going towards a beauty and the beast thing, or a rapunzel thing (with the hair and the father figure issues.).  After reading some of the drafts of Part II, it is looking more like beauty and the beast.  I don't think that is bad, it just means this is a classic story. By the way, I think Part I was looking at the really intersting idea of what happens when a father is too weak to sacrifice his firstborn.  I would like to see that developed, but it looks like it is getting buried in the other stories (and will be redeemed by a happy ending).

I think one thing that could help the story is an evil character.  The only obvious villain is Nightblood, and he seems to be kind of a comic relief.   Vasher, obviously, is an intriguing antihero, but no villain.  Blushweaver obviously has motives opposed to our heroines.  Perhaps the priests do as well.  But this has not been fleshed out much.  The act of taking someone's breath seems to be considered evil by our heroines and a few others, but to really solidify that, I think it would help to see someone else taking breath (Blushweaver maybe?) and enjoying it, or doing something else obviously evil. Maybe the point of view of someone who's lost breath would help?  Obviously, this process is not supposed to "hurt" but just sort of numb somebody, so that may be difficult to illustrate.  Maybe flash back to how Jamine(the girl mercenary, I forgot her name) was before the taking?  Show how she likes colors?

Anyway, the spelling was a distraction, as was the use of ellipses.  Maybe it could work if one character used that form of speech/thought, but it seems that the entire world is afflicted with. . . Captain Kirk-itis.

I started reading Part II (I couldn't resist).  Please, please, please fix the spelling for mussels from muscles, unless you are trying to start your "pun" fantasy now.  It is really really distracting when a group of characters is sitting around eating "muscles."

Anyway, keep writing, I can't wait for the rest.

-J