Author Topic: August 15-SkyhunterCommander-Untitled Sci-Fi Epic Chapter 9  (Read 585 times)

SkyhunterCommander

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August 15-SkyhunterCommander-Untitled Sci-Fi Epic Chapter 9
« on: August 15, 2011, 10:59:58 PM »
Any and all comments/feedback are welcome and appreciated!

Some things I mentioned in the e-mail:

A couple of notes/things I'm looking for feedback on: What I've come to call 'Snevan speak'-the Snevans have a rather strong accent/dialect that leads to a number of sounds, particularly vowel sounds, geting stretched out. As of now, I've written their dialogue phonetically, because I've found that when I read I don't read characters with their accents unless something reminds me of it. My alpha readers are at this time divided-one feels its fine, another finds their dialogue irritating (I am aware that in large doses it can be irritating, which is why I've attempted to limit their amount of dialogue both here and later in the story). Thoughts on that would be appreciated, so I can decide now whether to keep it as is, or simply describe their manner of speaking to the reader and letting it go from there.

Part of the chapter was rewritten at the last minute, so if it feels like it doesn't quite mesh with the rest, please mention it.

Brief Summary: Darkclaw and his new Felinaris allies arrive at Sneva to attempt to get them to join their war against the Galactic Alliance. They are surprised by what they see when they arrive.

Summaries of previous chapters:

Chapter 4: Nayasar is overworking herself, and Felivas demands that she take a mental health day.

Chapter 5: Darkclaw and the Troodons arrive at Selixan Station, a station left by the Saviors, created to rapidly build an army for the Troodons.

Chapter 6: Second Scion Dalcon the Bright joins a mission to find out why all contact was lost from an information storage station three weeks ago. What he finds troubles him.

Chapter 7: Three months have passed, and the Troodons have a fleet and army ready to begin the conquest. Darkclaw leads the fleet to conquer three small star systems which will serve as staging points for the primary offensive.

Chapter 8: Darkclaw is able to conquer the Reathan system, but failed in another matter. He decides to approach the Felinaris with an offer of alliance. He succeeds, but something unexpected happens, something that Darkclaw was not prepared for and did not wish for.
I will get around to giving feedback to my fellow Reading Excuses members. As soon as I can.

SkyhunterCommander

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Re: August 15-SkyhunterCommander-Untitled Sci-Fi Epic Chapter 9
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2011, 03:06:57 AM »
I'm just bumping this thread. I am only bumping it because I haven't gotten comments yet, and I don't want it to get lost in the fog that is page 2. (Which does mean that older things are getting comments, which is a good thing)
I will get around to giving feedback to my fellow Reading Excuses members. As soon as I can.

Will777r

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Re: August 15-SkyhunterCommander-Untitled Sci-Fi Epic Chapter 9
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2011, 03:25:09 AM »
This was probably my favorite chapter so far. I liked being in Darkclaw's head as he dealt with each situation, both external and internal, he faced. His story became compelling to me at this point because I'm wondering why he's experiencing the emotions and how he will deal with them eventually.

I also liked the Sneva. I really don't care for annoying dialects in books, but I only found their speech mildly bothersome. I was intrigued by them enough that I wasn't focusing on their speech.

Although it was a little predictable, I liked the scene when the Sneva leader threw the mace at Darkclaw. I also liked that Darkclaw was not in a position of strength during the entire chapter. The only time I was tempted to skim was in the planning session toward the end. I did like Darkclaw's final line though.

Will777r