Author Topic: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One  (Read 1465 times)

Chaos

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8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« on: August 08, 2011, 07:15:26 AM »
I'm at last back from a long hiatus. I'm eager to finally submit again, as well as critique. I should be more active in the future.

Here's the first chapter of the book. If anyone read the old, 2009 draft, I apologize. This is a much stronger scene, and for the most part I am pleased with how it turned out. A few minor things are annoying me (like Saril's dialogue), but that's okay. We'll see how you like it.

I don't know what else to say. I ought to sell the book to you, but I would much rather see if you like it without me telling you what to expect, because I'm sneaky that way. I hope you enjoy!
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Asmodemon

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2011, 04:45:23 PM »
Well, welcome back to the action, so to speak ;)

I remember some of the previous version of Rebirth, which started Medora's story line a lot slower. I'm glad that isn't the case, the moment she went into action and the subsequent fallout made for a strong start.

The first sentence also managed to grab my attention, making me wonder why she would think that, who her father was and why he should've killed her. The next paragraph though made me pause, there's a disconnect between it and the first sentence. There's also no follow through later about why she wonders why her father let her live. Yes, her father killed everyone else, but why should it be surprising that he let his daughter live? She's his daughter after all.

Mostly I like Medora's character; she knows she has to act and wants to, but is wracked with doubts and nightmares, so much so that she's even addicted to a drug. Interesting choice that, I'm wondering what (aside from the obvious) the effects of tranquil are, how addictive it is, what the downsides are, what the lows are and what the withdrawal symptoms are. I also wonder if her ill conceived attack had something to do with her drug dependency - so far it can go either way. Having a character deal with a drug problem can make for an interesting read, I don't think it happens much in fantasy.

What I liked less was that after a while the pattern of Medora seeing something, then feeling sorry for herself, seeing something else, feeling sorry again, etc, makes the first part of the chapter a little tedious. During pages two and three I lost sight of the fact that Medora and her entourage were walking through the crowds. Until I read that they marched I thought they were still waiting on the steps of the station. While she's thinking about how bad her life is the jeering crowds are still all around her, I'm guessing pressed against her bodyguards as they move through the crowd. That situation should frighten most people, but despite the fact that she's jumpy without her tranquil drug she's quite calm while feeling sorry for herself.

Another issue with Medora is that she seems like two different characters in one, thinking and doing different things. She wants to appear strong in front of the crowd, but at the same time she hides her features within the hood of her cloak. She's a consular, which I gather is a political figure, but she can't make speeches and fears standing in front of a crowd (granted the crowd wants her head, but still...if she's a politician she should at least be able to handle that much). When she says something like 'that's just...retaining the First Ministership’, that's something a politician would say, but when she speaks to Haiden the first words out of her mouth are those of a petulant child.

Which reminds me, as such a hated figure how can she have a political career with such clout that she is allowed to speak after the current leader and his expected successor have had their turns? Her father may have been emperor, but after his murder she's nothing but a reminder of those days.  A reminder no one wants to have around.

In all though I liked the chapter, looking forward to seeing where you're going to take this.

Amnonian

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2011, 06:16:29 PM »
Your world sounds very interesting. Specifically the part where she says she had seen into her past life makes me want to learn more about the world and the setting. Also the gemswords and the storm.
I felt there was a bit too much description of the scenery in the beggining with too little happening.
The relationship between Medora and Saril feels real and interesting. Their coversations are strong and well-made.
The last two paragraphs were powerful. Now I want to read the next chapter.  ;D

Mad_Scientist

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2011, 11:05:37 AM »
I read the chapter once, to get a feel for it, and now I'm reading it a second time with a more critical mindset and writing out my thoughts as I do. Here they are.



Nice first sentence. Not much else to say, it grabs the reader, or at least it grabs me. It does seem a bit disconnected from the rest of the chapter, though.

When I first read the following paragraph, I somehow missed that she got off a train, and was surprised when trains were mentioned later. Anyways, it seems we have trains and guns, which means this world is a bit more advanced technology-wise than those in a lot of fantasy novels I have read. Makes me curious about the rest of the technology.

Medora thinks "she had to move forward, for she needed the political gain, too." But it's later shown that what she has on her mind is certainly not political gain. She expects to die.

I'm guessing Devos is God or something close to it. It's interesting how Medora knows God by name and has apparant proof of his existance, yet also seems to wonder exactly *what* he is. Perhaps I'm reading too much into the "God, whatever He was" part that happened near the start.

I like how Medora has seen into her past life and knows she deserves punishment. That's not something I've seen in a reincarnation related story before.

Does Sanctuary have some sort of artifical and/or magical sun that shines all the time? Reminds me of the anime Letter Bee.

Here we have her thinking about the possibility of becoming First Minister. Like with her thought about political gain, I have to wonder about this considering the actions she takes.

I like some of the interactions between Medora and Saril. Especially his comment about how disturbing it was to see her be optimstic. Though it is a bit unfair when he later criticises her for essentially being pessimistic about Thane's chances of retaining his position.

Another mention of lions. Lot's of questions now. Why are lions important? What the heck is that Demon Cloud, really? What is up with that sun? What exactly is Medora's position in the current political situation? What's a Cerebrant? How's Medora's drug addiction going to play out? Well, it's chapter 1, so questions are to be expected. You've made me curious to know the answers to those questions, so that's a good thing.

Nice job starting a riot there, Medora.  :P

Ok Saril. I understand him not wanting to fire guns and cause another massacre, but once he's wading into the crowd gemsword in hand, he might as well. That gemsword seems in many ways more deadly than a gun.
 
I hesitate when I see the scene where Medora runs out of the restaurant to die. I imagine that she has a lot of character development ahead of her, but she's already made one impulsive decision and started a riot which has cost tons of lives. Now she makes another impulsive decision right afterwards and causes Saril to rush out to save her (killing the people around her). I know she's probably going to change, but be careful about making her too unlikable at the start. I'll reserve judgement until I see what happens in the following chapters.

Like the ending, has a nice ominious feel to it and makes me want to read me.

Overall, I like it. Gets me interested in the setting and characters, and makes me want to read more. The main criticisms I have is that Medoara seems a bit inconsitant in her thoughts, and Saril his actions, and that Medora comes off as maybe a bit too impulsive and unlikable as a result.

Will777r

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2011, 09:05:02 PM »
I'll try not repeat what others have said too much.

I like the opening hook - It definitely creates some tension. The real trick is to maintain that tension or ramp it up even higher in the following pages. I thought you eventually did that with the revelation she was carrying a knife (what does she plan to do with it, etc). But in between, there was a lot of description that slowed it down for me. I found myself skimming over that a bit.

Once we get to the statue, I thought the story moved really well - Everything from that point on was crucial and drew me in.

I was a little disappointed when Saril stopped her. It would seem to me that he wouldn't let it get that far if he was alert enough to catch her. The consequences of her actions are pretty bad, enough to do something before that point.

Medora worked for me, although she came off a little emo heh. Her actions made sense, although I agree with the comments made by someone else that her aspirations to become a leader don't make sense in light of what she plans to do.

Your world sounds very cool. There were lots of questions in my mind as I read - things I would want to find out about later on.

Good start :)

Will777r

hubay

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2011, 12:59:18 AM »
I don't have much to add here. I enjoy stories with a bit of a learning curve, and your world seems to have it. You've mentioned, without a great deal of explanation, Cerebrance, Suggestions (which may or may not be Cerebrance), Gemswords and possibly other sapphire-related magic, the Demon Cloud, the Sanctuary, an issue with sunlight that might go beyond mere white/black racism, and the concept of god. I like all that, even though it's a lot to consider. There's also the matter of the medora's history AND her past life.

You've got several awkward turns of phrase, and they're mostly from when medora's thinking. I'd watch those parts to see if you can word them more smoothly.

The gemsword bit – and you describe it – runs dangerously close to Sanderson's Shardblades. I don't think i need to tell you that. Part of it might just be how it's described, however, and if they function a lot differently than you should make that apparent as soon as possible.

I never got bogged down in the exposition, which is good. The only thing that bothered me is the whole setup that allows Medora to get in a position to attack Haiden in the first place. They're clearly enemies, and I'm amazed with their history people expected them to just pleasantly chat. If Haiden didn't want her to attack – and his suggestions indicate that – he should have been better guarded.

Chaos

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2011, 10:34:09 AM »
Thanks for your responses, guys.

To be fair, I did kind of know the beginning of this scene needs a lot of tightening. Sorry for inflicting that on you. I haven't really had time to fix it in revision yet.

Interesting comments on Medora (and I mean that in the value-neutral way of "interesting"). It'll need some smoothing, and I think I've figured out how to do it. Should be easier to do in revision. As I'm reading the first part of the scene now, it feels a little like I went and hit every little bullet point, because I wanted to get a feel for her. I don't have to do that.

Once we get to the statue things roll along smoother. I agree with all of you on that point.

I'm most pleased with how the world has been received so far. I like it and I think you will, too. The magic is one of the things that got me excited to write this book in the first place. But, just wait a while for the Official Explanation™. Until that point, I will ease you in nice and slowly.

Many of the other things you will see as we progress. Let me know if you feel information isn't being revealed in the right order, of course.

A few select comments:

Quote
Mostly I like Medora's character; she knows she has to act and wants to, but is wracked with doubts and nightmares, so much so that she's even addicted to a drug. Interesting choice that, I'm wondering what (aside from the obvious) the effects of tranquil are, how addictive it is, what the downsides are, what the lows are and what the withdrawal symptoms are. I also wonder if her ill conceived attack had something to do with her drug dependency - so far it can go either way. Having a character deal with a drug problem can make for an interesting read, I don't think it happens much in fantasy.

I'm glad you're liking that so far.

Quote
I'm guessing Devos is God or something close to it. It's interesting how Medora knows God by name and has apparant proof of his existance, yet also seems to wonder exactly *what* he is. Perhaps I'm reading too much into the "God, whatever He was" part that happened near the start.

Devos is indeed the name of God. As for the other things in here, I may have revealed it wrong here. Read on and let me know.

Quote
I like how Medora has seen into her past life and knows she deserves punishment. That's not something I've seen in a reincarnation related story before.

Thanks! That's good. We will see much more of this. I want to tell you so much about it, but I should probably be vague here.

Quote
Does Sanctuary have some sort of artifical and/or magical sun that shines all the time? Reminds me of the anime Letter Bee.

This I will answer definitively: No. The sun sets just like on Earth. Something else is going on.

Quote
I hesitate when I see the scene where Medora runs out of the restaurant to die. I imagine that she has a lot of character development ahead of her, but she's already made one impulsive decision and started a riot which has cost tons of lives. Now she makes another impulsive decision right afterwards and causes Saril to rush out to save her (killing the people around her). I know she's probably going to change, but be careful about making her too unlikable at the start. I'll reserve judgement until I see what happens in the following chapters.

Let me know if she becomes too unlikable for you to continue reading. See, in my mind, I understand exactly why she did it, and it makes me actually like her more, in a weird roundabout way. So I'm pleased with it, on the core level, but I definitely want to you know if you have an extreme negative reaction to her.

I don't have much to add here. I enjoy stories with a bit of a learning curve, and your world seems to have it. You've mentioned, without a great deal of explanation, Cerebrance, Suggestions (which may or may not be Cerebrance), Gemswords and possibly other sapphire-related magic, the Demon Cloud, the Sanctuary, an issue with sunlight that might go beyond mere white/black racism, and the concept of god. I like all that, even though it's a lot to consider. There's also the matter of the medora's history AND her past life.

Could you clarify this for me, please? I think I know what you mean, but I want to be certain.

Quote
The gemsword bit – and you describe it – runs dangerously close to Sanderson's Shardblades. I don't think i need to tell you that. Part of it might just be how it's described, however, and if they function a lot differently than you should make that apparent as soon as possible.

Hmmm, as I reread I can kind of see how you see that, with their cutting power. It is indeed difficult to make special swords of any variety without being compared to lightsabers or, now, Shardblades. I need to slightly alter how I describe it. I think my original conception was that Medora did not understand how they work, but she'd probably have a bit more knowledge about gemswords, given her time with Saril. At least from a mechanical standpoint, gemswords operate different from Shardblades, but as I'm reading it again, practically speaking they both stab and kill stuff. Oops.

I'll say that a large part of a gemsword's strength is not a mystical thing, like Shardblades, but a function of sapphire's hardness. It is a much harder material than steel, so that makes them more deadly weapons. There is more to it, but that is the simplest explanation.

The blade is not the only reason why Saril is dangerous.

Thanks guys! Um, I need to critique some of your stuff. This week has gotten away from me. But really, thanks for spending some time in the Sanctuary with me.
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hubay

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2011, 01:38:06 PM »
The part that really struck me about the gemswords was when you described them as being worth a fortune, and being works of art, but Saril uses them to kill. The wording just ran too close to Sanderson's prose. Although I suppose the fortune bit could be explained just by the material. But yes, It's hard to make magical swords that don't sound like other magical swords.

The bit about the racism I mentioned was how the black-skinned and white-skinned people react so differently to the sun, and have to countermeasure's to it's heat if necessary. The way you described it, they're both humans, but they differ physiologically more than, say, an african and a scandinavian. It's like you took the idea behind skin pigmentation – which at it's\ heart is a means to adapt to different intensities of sunlight – and raised it to a magical level.

akoebel

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2011, 08:36:57 PM »
That was a pretty darn good opening you wrote. You managed to grab my attention right away and hold it through the end.
There is certainly a lot of interesting material here, both in world-building and character creation. Lots of little details spread out everywhere that make this world very real.

Now, after reading it, I think I don't empathize with Medora that much. In the beginning, I thought I had her down, then it all changed. At the end, she comes out as a little too whiny for my taste. As the others noted, there is almost a feel of multiple personalities to her.

Mostly, I don't understand her plan. If she only came here to kill her opponent, she should be focused on that and nothing else (especially not political scheming). In the event she succeeded, there was little chance she would live, and even if she did, she would surely be arrested for the deed. If she failed, the result for her would be the same. So, why even think about becoming prime minister?

Saril stopping her stunned me. I was expecting her target to wear some kind of armor, but her own father stopped her? Seeing that man, I think he knew her plan all along, and he should have stopped earlier, before she could start a riot. If he didn't, why not letting her go all the way?

A little note on gemblades. As Hubay, I worry a little about possible comparisons with shardblades. In  your comments, you said that saphire is harder than steel. That's true, however, crystals shouldn't make practical weapons, because any blow at the right angle will cleave the crystal (that's actually how we cut gems). Iron might not be as hard, but it won't break. Also, producing large crystals free of defects is very, very difficult. On the same subject, a weapon, however hard, will still have trouble cutting through large bones, except if it is wielded with great strength.

Aside from that, I have nothing more to say. I'm eager for the next chapter.

Mad_Scientist

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2011, 09:24:40 PM »

I'll say that a large part of a gemsword's strength is not a mystical thing, like Shardblades, but a function of sapphire's hardness. It is a much harder material than steel, so that makes them more deadly weapons. There is more to it, but that is the simplest explanation.

I wondered about this, and there are some potential issues with that explanation. akoebel went into this some in his post already. Sapphire is very brittle, and it can shatter or break fairly easily, even though it can't be cut easily. My family used to collect small gemstones and various minerals specimens, and I remember hearing about an inident where my father and older brother were looking at some of their collections, and accidentally shattered a small sapphire completely by somehow hitting it with another sapphire (don't remember the precise details).

If you'd rather rely on something other than a half forgotten ancedote for your info, here's something I found on a site related to watch making, which talks about using sapphire crystals.

"It is important to note that in the literal sense, hardness is not synonymous with strength. Brittleness basically indicates how resistant the material is to plastic deformation. A very brittle material will, when placed under stress, break/fracture rather than bend. In the case of a sapphire crystal versus a glass crystal, the sapphire is considerably more brittle. As a result, a sapphire crystal is more likely to chip or crack than is glass counterpart if both are subjected to an equally hostile stress (banging, etc.)."

http://www.timezone.com/library/itsabouttime/itsabout0010

Now, you implied that there was at least something of a mystical component to the gemswords, so perhaps that can explain why they don't shatter.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2011, 09:28:04 PM by Mad_Scientist »

Chaos

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #10 on: August 14, 2011, 01:44:02 AM »
Now, you implied that there was at least something of a mystical component to the gemswords, so perhaps that can explain why they don't shatter.

Indeed. I did do my research on the sapphires. There's a perfectly fine explanation coming your way soon.
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Mad_Scientist

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #11 on: August 14, 2011, 02:47:29 AM »
Ah, good. I figured (and hoped) that was the case, but in case it wasn't, I thought you'd want to know about that aspect of sapphire as soon as possible.  ;D

cjhuitt

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #12 on: August 16, 2011, 04:43:21 AM »
I'm a bit late getting to this one, and I see a lot of my comments have been covered by others.  I'll try not to pile on, but note where I agree with them on the bigger things.

I agree with the others about the opening: First line good, next paragraph odd.  I think a lot of my problems with the few paragraphs after the opening is that it makes me think that her father is still alive, and probably set the soldiers out to guard/protect/escort her.

I was intrigued by the tranquil, and the thought of a character (potentially) addicted to something at the beginning of the story.  Additionally, Medora's circumstances are good to get sympathy from the reader.  Like the others, however, I didn't feel like I was getting as much as you possibly intend, and I also think it's from a bit of the swings in her apparent thoughts and purpose.  I was especially confused by the setup which cast the conflict as a political one (she steps forward because she needs the political gain), but then turns out she had another plan entirely.

I assume there is a reason for Davensworth and Devos to have such similar names, but I was somewhat confused by the two being similar.  Additionally, I got confused about what is named what, geography-wise.  First I thought Davensworth was the city, but then Medora has finally returned to Sanctuary (home of the capital), and at this point I started wondering which name was what -- is Davensworth the city or the country?  Is Sanctuary the country or the city?  Or is Sanctuary a part of the city, or a building?  Especially the "Sanctuary's perpetual sunlight" part made me think a temple or small part of the city, since it would take more power (I assume, not knowing anything else) to light up a larger area like that than a smaller.

On the other hand, perhaps it is Sanctuary's perpetual sunlight similar to San Diego's.  Not really, and it still has a day/night cycle, but exaggeration for effect.  If so, I'm sure you know to be careful about that early in a fantasy story.

Saril is first referred to as her adopted father when he's introduced, but he seems to be filling a much different role in this chapter.  In fact, except for protecting her and some concern for her well-being, I didn't think he acting like her adopted father at all.  You might consider saving that tidbit for later, or leavening it with other information (Emissary, etc.).

Haiden is apparently quite skilled at Cerebrancy.  Why doesn't Medora think about that as another reason he would win over the masses when she's first thinking about him?  Also, more on Cerebrancy: it might not be required, but it seems likely the person practicing cerebrancy would need to know what their target was thinking, in order to be as skillful as Haiden is described.  If that was the case, I would expect him to also be able to tell when she's thinking about using her knife.  And if *that* is the case, how does she even hope to get close enough to use her knife on him?  Especially when he's *actively* using cerebrancy on (Cerebranting?) her?

The dialog is somewhat confusing when the two are talking about all things being fine someday.  In particular, it appears Saril says that Medora is lying when she claims to not be committing suicide.  So, he thinks she is committing suicide?  Also in that paragraph, immediately after the "You are lying" text, Medora's name appears as the instigator of the action.  The first name after the dialog text should probably be Saril, to be clear. (assuming I am correct that he had said the words).

Lots of references to Kurick, and to Medora's father, and switching back and forth is hard on me in the beginning.

The first reference to the Populist leaders is devoid of context for me, so I don't know that Haiden is a Populist until we get there.

Do all of the speakers have Arjean solders?  I was confused if it was just Medora's soldiers fighting against the riot once it broke out, or if all of them were.

When Medora starts to apologize, Saril says it doesn't matter "any longer".  This makes me think he's about to abandon her -- probably not immediately, because he's charged with keeping her safe.  But once she's safe, he's gone.  This impression doesn't mesh well with the thought of him being her adopted father.

Finally, some grammar nits to pick to send you on your way.  These sentences stuck out as I read them:
* "Hope dying, and that the only thing left to do is wage war."
* "... captivated more by Thane’s speech than to throw mangoes at Medora’s group."
* "Perhaps unsurprisingly, his hair [had changed]. But more surprising, [his clothes]...."
* "She wouldn’t have known enough to recognize his impressions on her thoughts." (I was confused which timeline she wouldn't have known this in.)
* '“War,” Haiden said, facing the citizens, [is dirty...]' (Is he addressing the citizens, or merely looking at them while addressing Medora?)
* "Her soldier blocked the blow, and the knife’s hilt struck him, instead of its point." (I was confused as to the antecedent of "him".)
Caleb

Chaos

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Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2011, 05:25:51 AM »
Quote
I assume there is a reason for Davensworth and Devos to have such similar names, but I was somewhat confused by the two being similar.  Additionally, I got confused about what is named what, geography-wise.  First I thought Davensworth was the city, but then Medora has finally returned to Sanctuary (home of the capital), and at this point I started wondering which name was what -- is Davensworth the city or the country?  Is Sanctuary the country or the city?  Or is Sanctuary a part of the city, or a building?  Especially the "Sanctuary's perpetual sunlight" part made me think a temple or small part of the city, since it would take more power (I assume, not knowing anything else) to light up a larger area like that than a smaller.

I'll be happy to clarify: Davensworth is a city. The Sanctuary is a large region on the continent, notable for reasons you've already seen. Arjea is the continent, and the Arjean Empire is the name of the nation itself, which spans the continent.

Quote
On the other hand, perhaps it is Sanctuary's perpetual sunlight similar to San Diego's.  Not really, and it still has a day/night cycle, but exaggeration for effect.  If so, I'm sure you know to be careful about that early in a fantasy story.

Like that, only more exaggerated. It has a day/night cycle, but you'd have to work hard to actually be beneath a cloud. Clouds move very slowly in the Sanctuary, and there are few clouds at all.

Quote
Haiden is apparently quite skilled at Cerebrancy.  Why doesn't Medora think about that as another reason he would win over the masses when she's first thinking about him?  Also, more on Cerebrancy: it might not be required, but it seems likely the person practicing cerebrancy would need to know what their target was thinking, in order to be as skillful as Haiden is described.  If that was the case, I would expect him to also be able to tell when she's thinking about using her knife.  And if *that* is the case, how does she even hope to get close enough to use her knife on him?  Especially when he's *actively* using cerebrancy on (Cerebranting?) her?

Indeed, he is very good at Cerebrance. He's more than a few decades of practice, and a large bout in prison where he didn't have much else to do.

I would mention that the magic is not called "Cerebrancy," but Cerebrance. I knew someone was going to say it (I'm surprised the topic lasted as long as it did without someone saying it) but I just wanted to make sure you have the terminology.

As of yet, I haven't made a term for "Cerebranting." Haven't needed it. Characters would refer to the specific process itself, like, "Oh, Haiden is Suggesting me" and such. I may need a more general term, but I haven't required one so far. It's like, you don't say "I'm calculusing," you say, "I'm integrating." That's an extremely nerdy example, yes, but that sort of implies the tone I want to set with this magic.

Thank you guys for your time and critiques. If you wonder why I haven't discussed certain reactions of yours, that's not because I'm disagreeing with you. I'm noting all this stuff. It's just, your reaction is your own, and I will only mention something to mostly clarify (either so I can understand what you mean more clearly, or so I can clear up a misconception). And RAFO, sometimes, because that's fun to do :P It isn't helpful for anyone for me to be defensive. I am always listening to what you have to say, however.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2011, 05:54:23 AM by Chaos »
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Oh SNAP, I'm an Allomancer.