I agree with akoebel, the epigraph was good. I would just reword this to make it stronger: "Bright or not, she was the victim and I was to consume her. " After the comma it just sounds a bit awkward. I think one of things I'm looking forward to most with your story is finding out who/what sin is and maybe meeting him/it.
Actually, I thought the bit with Chalinae worked. Since his mom mentions "bleeding" I assume she's being raped? I think it might make it more powerful if you have Jin wonder what she means by that for a half second, and then think "Oh. Oh no."
Right now two things are bothering me. When Chalinae says that "no one actually steals a flower, they just say they did," it sounds like some sort of coming of age ritual. If that's the case, shouldn't the woman by the flowers have known about the tradition, given him a sort of slap on the wrist, and told him that's not how it works? I feel like part of me not getting this is because we don't know why the flower is so important yet. Understandably, you're keeping us in the dark, but until you do I'm going to keep feeling like the whole ordeal didn't make much sense.
The other thing that's bothering me is Talvin. I get that he's not quite a people person, but they way you're writing him now reads like he's crossed over from just being a stern parent to actually coming close to hating Jin. He seems like a nice guy overall, so I can only assume you've written his frustration a little stronger than you intended, or he's a pretty terrible parent.
At some point soon, I think it would help to show what happens to an escaped slave. Unless I'm mistaken, most of the slaves are men, and a lot of the owners are women? So it's not unlike akoebel's world, just crueler and more intense. Two questions, then, that won't make much sense unless I'm correct: where do babies come from? Really, though – normally slaves are bred by owners, so do women just pick slaves they want as fathers, and send any boy babies back to be slaves?
second: how is the slavery enforced? Normally you need a ruling populace with force multipliers (read: weapons) that allow them to keep down an unarmed slave majority. So the only way women should be in charge is via some sort of supernatural power, or else through the willing aid of other men. Which brings me back to seeing an escaped slave punished. If it's supernatural, then cool – we see magic. If it's through collaborators, it's also good because then you see the inhumanity of slaves that willingly persecute their own kind. And if it's something else entirely, well, show me that, cuz it's a pretty big part of how your world works.
