Author Topic: April 11 Hubay Lord Domestic Ch 8  (Read 722 times)

hubay

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April 11 Hubay Lord Domestic Ch 8
« on: April 12, 2011, 02:45:22 AM »
Well, I made it. Shame avoided. This is a wierd chapter for me, because it's one of the "boring bits" and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to happen, so it ended up being almost entirely dialogue.  Anyways, I tried to make up for that by adding some more jokes than normal. Humor is really hard to pull of, though, so let me know where it falls flat and where I'm trying to hard especially if the innuendo comes off awkward.

Hope me warning you doesn't ruin perfectly good jokes. Anyways:

Hubay- Lord Domestic Ch.8 2500 words (L, V, S)
Summary:
Hiding out in the wilderness, the Legion is caught between the barbarian Nothroi and the supernal Chell. Arilu was just murdered in a fashion so brutal only a chell could have accomplished it. Had he lived a few minutes longer, he would have signed a paper putting Jhuz third in command (well, second now, cuz Arilu's dead)

A day after Arilu dies, Jhuz tries to figure out the next step with Ezlio and Zaisha, and Jhuz's servant Ela reveals a bad habit of hers.

LongTimeUnderdog

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Re: April 11 Hubay Lord Domestic Ch 8
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2011, 07:47:21 PM »
One of the fresher things to see in the piece was how the the people seemed like different people with their own ways of handling problems.  I liked that.  The prose are nice and it was a good read.

The stuff about the fox was cute.  I enjoyed it.   Despite having not read much between the first parts and now, I would say things seem far more real than they were back at the beginning.  I don't have much to say beyond that.  You were right, it was one of those "boring parts," but it was honestly the most interesting thing I've read in the story.

akoebel

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Re: April 11 Hubay Lord Domestic Ch 8
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2011, 10:17:33 PM »
Shame completely avoided, I would say :-)

This was actually a pretty refreshing piece : nothing "boring" about it.

Yes, it's only exposition, but it comes at a point where you can afford to put some, especially if it's displayed with dialog.

What I liked the most was the "real" feel of the conversation, with shifts of topics that you can find in every real conversation : that was well done indeed. The military life is depicted well. I can totally see soldiers talking like that around a camp fire.

The part about Ela and her powers is a very good idea. The beginning of that section didn't seem clear to me on the first reading, I don't know why. After re-reading the piece, I don't see what bothered me, so it was probably only my attention wandering. I'm just mentioning it in case other people think the same way.

There were a few grammar errors and weird word choices : I can supply my annotated version if you want.


hubay

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Re: April 11 Hubay Lord Domestic Ch 8
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2011, 04:10:46 AM »
Thanks for the feedback! I'm happy you guys enjoyed it so far.

@akoebel: you might have just been confused because I haven't really showcased that kind of power very much; I only really mentioned it once. And if you've already written an annotated version, its always welcome. Otherwise, you don't have to bother going through the whole thing. Thanks though!


SkyhunterCommander

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Re: April 11 Hubay Lord Domestic Ch 8
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2011, 04:57:27 PM »
As I mentioned in my comments on chapter 7, I am backlogging through what I did not have time to comment on at the time it was sent around, and I'd rather go through these before commenting on the newest chapter.

Again, the earliest chapter I read was chapter 7, so whatever I say comes with not knowing what was explained/happened earlier.


While you called this chapter 'one of the boring bits', this chapter was one of those that really helped me gain my footing in the story. I feel like I have a decent sense of the major characters through this chapter, as well as more information on the army's situation. I as well did not find it boring.

I particularly liked the introduction of Ela (as an important player)-I'd assume she was mentioned at some point earlier in the story. That discussion, as well as his discussion about what to do with the unsigned promotion paper, are quickly giving me insight into Jhuz as a character.

And the interaction between him, Ezlio and Zaisha was great to read. I like them already.
I will get around to giving feedback to my fellow Reading Excuses members. As soon as I can.