Author Topic: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...  (Read 4446 times)

ryos

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If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« on: October 11, 2009, 05:35:32 AM »
Quote
MEMORANDUM
Attn: All Hands
Re: Religious Discrimination

Due to the recent passage of the Tar Valon Fair Employment Act, the White Tower can no longer continue to discriminate against any Sister based solely on her creed. Therefore, effective immediately, we formally recognize the existence of the Black Ajah and grant it full and equal standing in the Hall of the Tower. Any Aes Sedai who declares for the Black is not to be persecuted.

Let us welcome our sisters of minority religious persuasion into the fold. Together, we shall again control the world.

Elaida a'Rohan
Watcher Over the Seals
The Flame of Tar Valon
The Amyrlin Seat

...I'm a dork. :o
Eerongal made off with my Fluffy Puff confections.

Peter Ahlstrom

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2009, 06:42:37 AM »
LOL. :)
All Saiyuki fans should check out Dazzle! Emotionally wrenching action-adventure and quirky humor! (At least read chapter 6 and tell me if you're not hooked.) Volume 10 out now!

TyranAmiros

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2009, 05:04:51 PM »
LOL!

...And today on The View, we have Rand Al'Thor, author of 2012 and the Prophesies of the Dragon.  Most people would be labeled somewhat odd for claiming that they were the reincarnated soul of a 3000 year old dead warrior, but his book is a best seller all the way from Amadicia to Tear.

But first, simplicity is back as Egwene reviews Tar Valon Fashion Week, and later, clinical psychologist Nynaeve al'Meara talks about getting out of a rut by setting yourself seemingly impossible goals.

Troubadour

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2009, 10:51:46 PM »
Coming up on Doctor Phil: "Coping With Grief" with Lews Therin Telamon.

Bejay

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #4 on: October 12, 2009, 11:07:29 PM »
Watch tonight as all time Champion Mat Cauthon defends his 37st WSOP title in Vegas....

Later on: Perrin Aybara explains his wild success with his managment seminars "Get that BITE back!"
« Last Edit: October 12, 2009, 11:10:30 PM by Bejay »

Mennis

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2009, 12:47:43 AM »
Tonight on the Office, Elaida guest stars as a corporate CEO gone wrong.

IngtarWhoStoleChristmas

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2009, 02:23:55 PM »
On Oprah the Lady Faile Bashere 't' Ayabra will teach you how to manage your man through lies, deciet, and freaking out over absolutely every little thing possible.

TyranAmiros

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2009, 05:47:51 PM »
The #1 best-seller of 997 NE: Men are from Shayol Ghul, women are from Tar Valon: a guide to building communication and trust between the sexes

sortitus

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2009, 08:11:57 PM »
RT @dragonreborn: Just visited Elayne and the little dragon. I swear, if that kid gets any cuter I'm not going to have to do any fighting at the Last Battle. I'll just hold him up for everyone to see. The shadowspawn will die from cute overload and Shai'tan will scurry back into his dark little hole to avoid being turned to the Light.

I don't know how he managed to post such a long tweet. He's the Dragon.
Hero of Ages: Impressive Regality Over Niceness, Y'all
좋아! This time with more ecstatic! 좋네!!! I'll say it again in french! Trois fois voiture!!! Ça va. C'est vrai. C'est bien.
High Knight of the Grand Pie of the Holy Order of Pie, The Left Hand of Pie

Patriotic Kaz

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #9 on: October 13, 2009, 09:04:32 PM »
Mr. Universe, Lan Mandragoran, has just released his 1st excercise video.... Sheperd with Two Left Feet
"Words are double edged blades. Only the great and the foolish play with knives." - Kaz the Buddah

"Take off your sandals, for you are posting on holy ground." -  Yahweh Kaz

"Chaos, go to your room!" - Momma Kaz

ryos

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #10 on: October 14, 2009, 08:48:38 AM »
Up next on our two full songs without commercials block, we'll be hearing the latest hit single from Al'Lan and the Mandragorans: "Come on, Nyneave!" followed by Thom Merrilin's "Radio Killed the Common Room Star."
Eerongal made off with my Fluffy Puff confections.

stridera

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #11 on: October 14, 2009, 10:58:25 PM »
Mazrim Taim and the Black Tower gains instant online popularity for creating a webservice that, for a small fee, will have an asha'man cast a spell and stab someone in the face through the internet.  Trolls have finally met their match!
Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations.
  - Orson Welles

terrible tuesday

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #12 on: October 14, 2009, 11:48:24 PM »
Survivor: Land of the Madmen

followed by
The Apprentice with Moridin
(Instead of being fired, your balefired)

sortitus

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #13 on: October 15, 2009, 03:02:18 AM »
(Instead of being fired, your balefired)
See, that's awesome. There will have only been one entrant in the competition by the time it's over. ;D ;D ;D

A group of elite warriors appeared out of nowhere today on Almoth Plain, all of them wearing Dragon Skin and using power-wrought firearms. A witness claims to have seen Miss Universe runner-up Brigitte Silverrifle and wheelchair-bound genius Steven Hawking attacking the occupying Sanchean army. Lady Morsa, a Sanchean herself, sent out the following message in a bottle before boarding her plane and scampering off with the rest of the Sancheans.

"It was horrible! They were everywhere! And unlike normal soldiers, who are usually bright and clever and fun to be around, these so-called Heroes of the Horn with their beady little eyes and sharp teeth, bore down on us like fierce sharks in a feeding frenzy of blood!"

Geofram Bornhald and the Whitecloak army that appeared just days before these events were almost completely destroyed. Dain Bornhald, Geofram's son is the only known survivor.

"The Children now have proof that the Aes Sedai are behind all of these wars and the appearance of the Sanchean. I saw those Tar Valon witches blow up all of my friends. I won't forget this, unless I run into that yellow eyed dude who embarrassed me last book. I hate that guy."

Bornhald seems to be suffering from idiocy, a mental condition common to many Whitecloaks

Madness and drug abuse seem to be the leading causes of the inaccuracy and discrepancies between different witnesses. Bayle Domon, the owner of a shady shipping company, claims to have seen Michael the Archangel and Gaidal Cain the Accursed fighting side-by-side in the mysterious military unit.

"Well, there did be Michael, radiant as the sun, and next to him were Cain the Destroyer, shooting everything that moved with his Desert Eagles. It did be totally rad."

Perhaps in time, non-batshit witnesses will come forward. Meanwhile, Reports of an Aiel and the devil having a ten-pace shootout in the sky above a fog-shrouded Toman Head continue to pour in, and I <3 Heroes of the Horn shirts and other commemorative memorabilia have caused an immediate and dramatic upturn in Falme's economy.
Hero of Ages: Impressive Regality Over Niceness, Y'all
좋아! This time with more ecstatic! 좋네!!! I'll say it again in french! Trois fois voiture!!! Ça va. C'est vrai. C'est bien.
High Knight of the Grand Pie of the Holy Order of Pie, The Left Hand of Pie

Wolfstar

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Re: If the Wheel of Time were set in our day...
« Reply #14 on: October 15, 2009, 04:02:55 AM »
Billy Mayes here!  If you're tired of your glasses always breaking in the frequent earthquakes and other strangeness that have been plaguing the lands lately, or if you think you'll be hosting a dinner party for the Dragon Reborn anytime soon, then cuendillar goblets are right for you!  Kick them, practice your sword forms on them, throw them in fire... even use balefire on them, and they don't break!  Hand crafted by Aes Sedai in a camp outside of Tar Valon, these are the strongest goblets EVER CREATED!  But if you call now, we'll give you not one cuendillar goblet, but a second one free!  And that's not all, friends that I am gesturing at insanely on this amazing commercial!  If you act in the next five minutes, you can get a complete set of cuendillar dishes, absolutely free!

Well, my time's up ladies and gentlemen, and the Horn of Valere calls me back to the Wheel.  Fast-talking robot commercial guy will give you the number to call to get in on this FANTASTIC deal now!
You can think without acting and you can act without thinking... but which is worse?