Well, Ellie got even more likable in this chapter. I still don't know if we are as "close" to her as we could be--I don't feel an emotional impact when she's crying, for example--but they were very fun to read. Like this line:
Then I got an idea. “Bloodbath, can you smell the blood on my clothes?”
“Everyone can smell the blood on your clothes,” he told me.
That was awesome. It's also very refreshing that the wolves weren't after the Sword. And prophecies, interesting! Prophecies are fun.
On a purely sentence level thing, your comma use is really bad
. No offense. There are places where they should be there, which aren't, (one example i found: "You have much to tell I think, Little Sister.", I'd put a comma before "I think", too, to offset them) and other places where they really make the sentences feel weird.
And good! The wolves are going to search for Kail. Why do I have the feeling that not only will Kail be utterly surprised from wolves helping/protecting Ellie, but that the wolves absolutely hate Kajsa?
So, in review, the biggest problem in my opinion is the lack of emotional impact. I could probably roll with it, and just rationalize that this is supposed to be a "cool, fun book" rather than an emotional one. Still, it could be better...
Also, you're right, this does feel like the beginning. I'm waiting for the main plot now
...Okay, I recant my previous statement--yes I'm waffling. At the start of the chapter, Ellie was likable. Discovering magic powers, cool. But somewhere she got a bit annoying, until we got to the line "He’s—he’s part of my pack." That was a great line, but Ellie felt a tad more annoying than I'd like. Maybe it's because I wasn't feeling that emotional impact, however, so it just felt overblown.
