I've had mine warmed up for days now.
Again, not a terribly organized crit. I mostly talked about things as they came up:
I'm a little confused as to the setting in the first couple paragraphs - I don't really have a grasp on what things look like and where exactly the characters are. You've also got some detailed descriptions of the characters in the first couple pages but because you're using pronouns way more often than you're using names, I'm not sure which description belongs to which character.
You're using a lot of pronouns throughout, actually. I'm sometimes unclear who is talking to whom, or who is doing what, and it's making it a lot harder to visualize the events in the story.
Also, we have what seems to be a contemporary setting with some really anachronistic things - such as the medieval weapons and even Feui's name. Happy to go along with this, but we don't get any explanation at all in the first chatper as to what the setting actually is, and I think we need some sooner than you're going to give it to us. We don't need everything all at once. As a reader, I don't mind waiting for a full explanation, but I do need to sense that there IS one out there.
I thought that Fuei killed the werewolf a little too easily. Here we have this great, arrogant, snarling, horrific creature, and it spits insults at him for a bit and then has its head sliced in half.
Page seven, Jordan sees Fuei "either passed out or dead... and hoped for his sake it was the latter." Um, you DO mean Jordan hoped it was the former. Don't you? Also, while in Jordan's POV you use Fuei's name, but Jordan doesn't seem to know who Fuei is, so it seems strange that you would refer to Feui by name even though you're using Jordan's POV.
I'm a bit torn about the pacing. On the one hand, the fast-paced action scene approach can be a quick way to bring the reader into it. On the other hand, we're thrown into this scene where we don't really know who to root for, or why we should care about the characters involved, or what's being fought for, or anything. While reading I was leaning towards the "too much happening to quickly" direction. Now that I've finished the first chapter I'm pretty much sure of that. Nine pages later, all this stuff has happened and I still don't have the faintest idea what the heck's going on - which makes it a lot harder to care about the characters and the story.
Purely for their own sake, though, the action scenes were fun to read and well done. I don't think you should lose that fast paced feeling altogether. Just stagger it more, and/or give us even a thread of explanation to cling to.
You also have some really nice last lines in terms of ending scenes. The one about Jordan wishing he'd never met Lias was particularly memorable - not only does it make sense, it actually made me laugh out loud.
On a stylistic note, you have a lot of long sentences, some of which get a little meandering - not to the point of obfuscating their meaning by any means, but they're a little harder to read, I think. Varying the structure and the length of your sentences can also do worlds of wonder in lending emphasis to a particular idea or emotion - I'd challenge you to go back and see what you can do with that when you're ready to line edit, or even when you write the next chapter.
