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Crashers

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little wilson:
Thanks for reading the prologue and Chapter 1....I was actually originally working on adding a scene between to the two classroom scenes in chapter 1, but...I didn't exactly finish writing it, so I didn't send that out. I'm attempting to be a good student and finish reading the count of monte cristo for a class....but I digress.

Anyway. Thanks for reading and tell me what you think about it. Was it good? Should I change anything? Any typos (I think I've caught all of them, but who knows?)? Thoughts? Impressions?...I'll take pretty much any advice I can get. Don't hold anything back. I really like constructive criticism.

Necroben:
On use of Kilometers, if story takes place where it’s (Km) are not really in use (to me) it doesn’t really make much sense.  All I really know is that a km is a little less than a mi.

“I never thought you’d say thought.”   ? ? ?

Interesting premise, though more info on Hydropower would help it make more sense.  I’d like to see where you will take the story from here in the future.

jjb:
The story is interesting so far, but I don't see how "Crashers" could destroy technologies like telekinesis and teleportation. I also don't see how teleportation could be given to everyone and for that matter I don't see how telekinesis would be a technology either.

little wilson:

--- Quote from: Necrobells will be ringing on December 01, 2008, 07:36:55 AM ---“I never thought you’d say thought.”   ? ? ?

--- End quote ---

Ah. A typo I didn't catch. That's a pretty big one too...The second "thought" is supposed to be "that."

And hydropower...Wasn't intending on putting in more information on it, but I can do that. Won't be too difficult to arrange.

The story takes place about 300 years in the future, where technology has progressed so much that teleportation is possible....In a later version of this, I may give it another name, because 'teleportation' sounds too super-powery, and I think I want it to sound more natural....Same with telekinesis....I can actually see technology progressing to a point eventually where we can travel just with a thought. Obviously, we're far from it now, and it would go through many stages to get to the point of being just a thought (ie, go to specific places and arrive at specific places), but I can see it happening.

It was actually this that sprouted the idea in the first place. I was traveling home from school last summer and I thought how cool it would be to just think about being home and then I'm there, and completely skip the 2 1/2 hour drive...And then I thought of a world where that was possible, and what would happen if they lost it....

WEKM:
Ok, this could really go somewhere. I like to think I have guessed where, but with the thought that appears to have gone into this so far, I most likely will be wrong.
You have me right where you want me, with many questions I want answered, I am desperately looking forward to more.
 ;D


Now it is probably just me, but I am often put out by those who put forward the premise that we are destroying the planet.
Granted, the introduction of teleportation would solve our transportation issues, however oil has so many other uses in our society that I doubt it could ever be totally done away with. From food to pharmaceuticals to nearly everything not made of "whole" wood, petroleum is involved in it.
Granted 300 years from now I am sure that extraction and refinement will have advanced greatly, but I am sure there will still be a need for oil. After all, what would their computers be made out of?

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