Author Topic: The Wedding  (Read 9879 times)

AvalonDreamer

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #15 on: November 25, 2008, 05:06:36 AM »
I peered around the chapel, looking into the faces of the people as they arrived, some licking the bacon-coated walls, others chewing on the pews they sat in. All in all, it was a glorious congregation. Walking stately across the dais, past the alter and the large portrait of His Awesomeness, I laid my hand on the knob of the choir room door, and braced myself.

Carefully turning the knob, I pulled the door open rapidly, darted in, and slammed it closed behind - not wanting to disturb the guests with the sounds of the Chorus. Their high-pitched demonic shrieks and yowls were like a sharpened rake being ground across one's ears, and it was... Perfect.

"Alright!" I shouted, looking up at the non-functional bacon clock and muttering a small prayer to He-Who-Enjoys-Shooting-the-Breeze-with-the-Cartoonist-and-the-Dreamer. "Do any of you foul, evil souls know where the bride and groom are? They must be anointed with the holy lard."
My friends held an intervention, to stop my ridiculous plans to take over the world (Jake ended up in the hospital). I convinced them to let me take over other worlds though.

*Evil grin*

RIP: James Oliver Rigney, Jr.

little wilson

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #16 on: November 25, 2008, 05:41:40 AM »
Foul?, I thought, turning toward the priest. That's a little extreme....I paused in my thinking. Evil now....That's a more accurate description..... I looked up to answer the man, opening my mouth, and then my eyes widened in shock. What was that on his head and where did he find it? It faintly resembled a turkey, if the turkey in question had been dyed fuschia and black....although I suppose the black wouldn't have to be dye....In fact, as I looked closer, it almost looked like tire marks....

I shook my head, averting my eyes from the ghastly thing sitting on his head. I stared at the window, noting that a couple of panes were missing and said, "Your Holiness, the bride passed through here two hours ago on her way to her dressing room. I believe she is still there. The groom I have not seen." I glanced back at him, hoping to catch his expression, but the only sight my eyes caught was that cursed roadkill-turkey-miter that I prayed he wasn't actually wearing for the ceremony. How in the name of Fell himself was I going to laugh evilly when all I really wanted to do was truly laugh?
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sortitus

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In which our hero demonstrates his general awesomeness.
« Reply #17 on: November 25, 2008, 06:26:10 AM »
No answer. I slapped the phone back down. I really needed one of those at home. The spin dial was especially choice. Bacon filigreed with bacon fat, cooked and preserved perfectly. Not eating the work of art was difficult, but I needed to return the facilities as they were lent to me. His saltiness himself owned...

A strong wind shook the dirigible. I held onto the table to steady myself, careful not to damage anything. I stood up straight again, looking down at my suit. I looked good. Oh, I looked so good. I checked out the windows on either side of the large room. The morning was clear. It was likely just a breeze blowing in off the ocean. Nothing to worry about now but an absent best man. And my own good looks causing the bride to swoon, but I would cross that bridge when I came to it.

I checked my cell phone, but it had no reception inside the mysterious craft. Ah, well. Stoaty would be along some time. Putting on my gloves and top hat, I started toward the stairs of the landing platform. Suddenly I remembered the rope at the end of the vessel. A brilliant groom needed a brilliant entrance, even if nobody was there to watch it. I walked to the end of the long room, opened the door, and walked on to the door of the cabin. I knocked and then pushed the door open, nodding to the captain as I kicked open the trapdoor hatch. I picked up the rolled up rope from the hook it was kept on and dropped it into the hole. Winking to the captain, I grabbed the hanging cord and stepped into the air.
« Last Edit: November 25, 2008, 08:54:22 AM by sortitus »
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좋아! This time with more ecstatic! 좋네!!! I'll say it again in french! Trois fois voiture!!! Ça va. C'est vrai. C'est bien.
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Eerongal

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #18 on: November 25, 2008, 03:47:06 PM »
I lounged there in the back row, taking in the beauty of the church, combined with that delicious smell. Bacon. I couldn't believe it. The sights and sounds of the church were pleasing to every sense. Determinedly, I made the decision that I would stay here for as long as possible, despite not being an intended guest. Hopefully no one would notice. So far I had evaded notice, and haven't had anyone cast so much as a questioning glance towards me, and no one has approached for conversation. I was basically in the clear. I smirk to myself as I notice more guests arriving, each taking their place, paying no mind to other guests, and knew if things kept going this way, I would be fine.

After a few moments of carefree basking in the church's splendor, I notice a girl a few rows in front of me, firstRainbowRose, close her book with barely a sound, get up, and make her way to the man a few rows in front of me. After reaching him, she attempts to strike up conversation.

Hopefully she's friends with this bloke, and not making random conversation, I remarked to myself. I don't want my charade to be uncovered so quickly.

However, this does provide the exact opportunity I was looking for originally. Uncovering today's purpose. Withdrawing the bible on the pew backing in front of me, which to my surprise was bound in that most glorious of cured meats, I tried to appear nonchalant, as I listen in to the conversation....
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Reaves

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #19 on: November 25, 2008, 04:19:53 PM »
I decided to take the long way around the beautiful church, checking surreptitiously for entrances and exits. The rich, greasy smell of bacon wafted from an open window. I breathed deep, enjoying the smell.

Then something else tickled my nose. Garbage. A dumpster, in the alley to my left. A drunk was digging through, looking for leftovers. No, not a drunk, a wedding crasher; he wore one of those shirts that are cut like suit jackets, apparently waiting for the wedding to start. He grabbed a nearly empty mountain dew, swigging the last few drops.

Then he paused. He seemed almost to withdraw into himself, looking instantly tired and weary. I instantly looked around, reaching into my trench coat. Piercing brown eyes studied my surroundings from behind classy tinted shades.

Nothing. The man resumed his digging. I brought my hand slowly out of the trench coat, still looking around.

If only I had thought to look directly up, I might have seen a man stealthily removing a pair of window panes and sliding sinuously, mysteriously into the church.
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GreenMonsta

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #20 on: November 25, 2008, 09:46:24 PM »
Only a few moments passed before I noticed that there was a woman approaching. She didn't look particularly familiar but she was striking in her gown. As she approached I straightened in my seat and at that moment I wished I had used a breath mint after finishing my drink. Ah well, she finally reached my pew and in a very friendly and soft voice said "Hi" as she reached out with her hand in greeting. I stood and took her hand and replied "Hello. My name is GreenMonsta, it is nice to meat you". I was happy she chose to come over to start polite conversation seeing how some of the other guests were munching on the furniture. I was getting quite bored with waiting and I didn't feel quite up to eating my chair even though it smelled delicious.

"I'm going to be honest, these events aren't my favorite thing in the world. I'm glad you decided to come over here and save me." "Your name would be?"
"No signs of anything that could cause even a slight case of death"

"He's a paraplegic whats he gonna do, bite us?"

firstRainbowRose

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #21 on: November 25, 2008, 09:54:42 PM »
"My name is quite long, but to keep things simple you can call me RainbowRose, or even just one of the two.  I'll answer to pretty much any of them," I replied.  "And I can understand how you feel about these events.  For myself, they only serve to remind me of- Well, no matter.  So, are you here for the bride or the groom?  Or both?"

I glanced around me while I waited for his reply, realizing that many of the other guests had given up on resisting the urge to eat.  However, I wasn't quite ready for that yet.  I knew that the best part of any wedding was to wait for the reception -- that's when all of the good food was brought out.  All of this food had been contaminated by who knew how many people.  Although, maybe just one bite wouldn't- No, I was going to wait.  Maybe.
"The custom of royalty in referring to oneself is to naturally employ the royal 'we'.  We are very happy, we are very sad, we are bored and suffer from ennui.  For a royal prince there's no such word as 'me', It's always 'we'.  So rightfully I should be two or three, don't you agree?"

GreenMonsta

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #22 on: November 25, 2008, 10:02:48 PM »
"Honestly I don't even know either of them well myself but they are nice enough so I was glad they wanted me to come. Even if it did involve going to the ceremony. My only hope is that at the reception the food will be on plates and not everthing else." I answered. "RainbowRose? Thats a nice name. I noticed your looking around at the other guests, don't get me wrong I like bacon but not after everyone else has had a bite." She was in fact examining a man who was biting large pieces right out of the pew in front of him. "Who are you with, bride or groom?" I asked.

"No signs of anything that could cause even a slight case of death"

"He's a paraplegic whats he gonna do, bite us?"

firstRainbowRose

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #23 on: November 25, 2008, 10:08:18 PM »
"Both, and nither.  It's more I was there when they first got together," I replied.  "So I'm not exactly sure to tell you the truth.  I was invited, and so I came.

However, I thought this was supposed to start a while ago," I added, pulling the small pocket watch I had out of the hand bag around my wrist.  I had long since realized that the one on the wall was -- like many things here -- for pure decoration.  Or, if it did tell time I wasn't able to figure out how.  "Do you know what is taking so long?"
"The custom of royalty in referring to oneself is to naturally employ the royal 'we'.  We are very happy, we are very sad, we are bored and suffer from ennui.  For a royal prince there's no such word as 'me', It's always 'we'.  So rightfully I should be two or three, don't you agree?"

GreenMonsta

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #24 on: November 25, 2008, 10:15:33 PM »
"I wish I did, had I been aware of the late start I wouldn't have arrived so early" I said. "I don't want to sound rude but this isn't the easyest place to sit and wait." I idly realized that I hadn't seen a single member of the wedding party yet. That couldn't be a good thing. I decided to take a walk back to the front of the church and get a breath of fresh air, cooked meat has a great smell but one can only take so much. "I think I am going to take a walk to the door and get some air. I would also like to see if the wedding party has arrived yet, you are welcome to join me if you like."
"No signs of anything that could cause even a slight case of death"

"He's a paraplegic whats he gonna do, bite us?"

Eerongal

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #25 on: November 25, 2008, 10:21:55 PM »
After a few moments of covertly eavesdropping on RainbowRose's conversation with GreenMonsta, I came to the realization this was a wedding. What an odd, yet pleasent, theme for a wedding, i pondered only momentarily, saving I miss some important information I need to keep up appearances.

Odd that a wedding would be running late. Stranger still that this particular wedding, with its all ready unique qualities, to be running late of all weddings. You would think that the names and faces behind this celebration would be on time, considering the preparation on the church's behalf!

Thumbing through the bible in my hands, yet not really SEEING any of the pages, I notice the end of their pleasantries in close proximity to myself,  and quickly scanned the room to find anywhere else to covertly garner some information...
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Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.
-R. Howard

Pie is clearly the most trustworthy. Pie for president. - Me.

firstRainbowRose

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #26 on: November 25, 2008, 10:26:57 PM »
"Thank you, but I think I had better go and socialize some more.  If someone doesn't we'll spend the entire time look at each other as though someone's going to suddenly jump up and kill everyone," I explained, smiling.  "It was wonderful to meet you though.  Please let me know what you find out."

After making sure he wasn't going to be offended by my leaving.  Trying to decide who I should approach next, I was dismayed to realize there were no other women in the room.  With a small sigh, I streightened my shoulders and set off toward the next person who caught my eye.  He seemed to be quite relaxed, thumbing through the words of this bacon loving lord.  "Hello," I said, smiling at him.
"The custom of royalty in referring to oneself is to naturally employ the royal 'we'.  We are very happy, we are very sad, we are bored and suffer from ennui.  For a royal prince there's no such word as 'me', It's always 'we'.  So rightfully I should be two or three, don't you agree?"

GreenMonsta

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #27 on: November 25, 2008, 10:34:44 PM »
"I understand, It was nice to meet you aswell. I'll make sure to let you know if I find anyone from the wedding party" I replied returning her smile. I then turned and walked to the door where I could finally get a breath of clean air. I decided to have a quick smoke while I was looking around to find the wedding party. As I reached in my pocket for my butts I realized I had dropped my phone. With a groan I decided that I would find it when I went back inside, but for mow I would enjoy a quick smoke.

After my smoke while I was climbing the stairs I heard what sounded like the runaging of garbage. I decided that it wouldn't do any harm to have a look seeing how the ceremony hadn't begun yet anyway.
"No signs of anything that could cause even a slight case of death"

"He's a paraplegic whats he gonna do, bite us?"

Eerongal

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #28 on: November 25, 2008, 10:39:16 PM »
Thumbing through the book, while eyeing to each side of myself, I don't really notice any socializing at the moment, when suddenly...

"Hello." The words rang through my ears like a musical sort of chime.

Nearly jumping out of my skin, I jerk my head up, showing, hopefully, only a hint of surprise. Standing before me was the young woman of whom whose conversation I was just listening in on. A momentary dread washes over me as the thought of her come to accuse me of such things, when I realize that she wears a delicate smile upon her face, with no hint of scorn.

"Why hello, my dear." I state confidently after a second to regain my composure. Snapping the bacony book shut, with an audible "click", i carefully set it back in the pew ahead of me.

"It's nice to see a pleasant face such as yours in what seems to be my back end of the church here!" I state as I motion towards the empty back row I have been precariously lounging on.

"Might I have the pleasure of your name?" I state with a smile, hiding the fact that I need to name.
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Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.
-R. Howard

Pie is clearly the most trustworthy. Pie for president. - Me.

AvalonDreamer

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Re: The Wedding
« Reply #29 on: November 26, 2008, 12:38:44 AM »
I nodded sagely as I listened to one of the Chorus members tell me that the bride had been through recently. After a moment of thought, I remembered that the girl's name was Wilson - an odd name for a girl, that - and by the looks of the laugh she was suppressing, I assumed she was quite a zealot.

"Oh, Lord-of-the-Baconey-Infinite, thank thee for blessing us with such a proud Chorus this day." I muttered, adjusting my headdress.

Peering at the clock a moment, I marveled at the engineering genius that had designed such a device: a clock made of bacon; though it was a little hard to read, since one of the rabid altar-boys got the idea to munch on it. Thank thee, oh lord, for striking him down, and using my hand to do it.

"Keep to your practicing, you vagabonds. I want to hear some truly diabolical laughs out there, really lay the embarrassment onto whoever we find to ridicule... I'm serious, if someone forgets a vow, or trips, or the groom is silly enough to go through with it, just let it rip." I finished my oration with a bow that nearly dethroned the purple and black glory that rested on my head, then spun on my heel, and walked out into the chapel.

It was starting to fill now, a woman near the back was speaking to a lad holding a book of some sort, while yet another appeared to be eyeballing the pews with hunger. Near the back, a throng of guests was attacking our appetizers, partaking in the baconey body of His Divine Evilship.

Walking around behind the altar and the large portrait of the Oh-Great-One-Who-Doth-Grant-Us-Fried-Foods, I popped into the confessional. There were a few sins I needed to tell myself about before I'd feel clean again.



« Last Edit: November 26, 2008, 12:42:41 AM by AvalonCreamCorn »
My friends held an intervention, to stop my ridiculous plans to take over the world (Jake ended up in the hospital). I convinced them to let me take over other worlds though.

*Evil grin*

RIP: James Oliver Rigney, Jr.