Character Help

[Necroben]

Thank you to all who gave their opinion and advice.  Beware, you have helped me on my road to become a better writer.

Thank ya'll once again. 

[Reaves]

I am not quite sure where you are going with this character. Is he supposed to be grieving? Is he out for revenge? Has he lost all his beliefs and he doesn't quite know what to do?
I'd say he feels real except he needs more emotion.

[Necroben]

Has he lost all his beliefs and he doesn't quite know what to do?
I'd say he feels real except he needs more emotion.

Thanks!  I'm trying to set up why he is where he is.  In so far that his escape from grief has clouded his perceptions and memories though alcohol abuse.  He's going to be confused by the things around him and not notice many of the details we might notice in our daily lives.  On the other hand I don't want that to go on for too long as anyone who would read it would be confused as to whats going on.  This so far is just about him and his past with setting and conflict to come in a few more pages.

[Elmandr]

Necroben.

I was wrong.  Always be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.  Yes, yes, I know; you have heard it all before.  It’s older than dirt, its cliché’, it is well… you know.  Anyway, before you open your mouth, close it, and think very hard about what you would say

and...

My world, once bright with hope; had become blackest night.


Your character seems inconsistent. At first i get the impression that he is blunt, matter-of-factly. I even read him with a new york accent, but then you have him say something like that...? Inconsistent. Your character, if done well enough will feel real from the get go. Here's how you can make a convincing character, from now on, whatever happens in your life, ask your self what would so and so do? say? think? buy? choose? and then why? justify your choice. My dad would buy a t-bone before a salsebury, because he says t-bone is the working man's steak. I't doesnt seem important but it is.....here's how.

Im arabic. Im Muslim. I know about perspective on character--it happens to me all the time. People already have ideas about me before speaking to me, the managed to salvage some ideas of me and mix it in with their imagination. TA-DAH! the secret to a Character. Stereotype, either feed into it or reject it, but whatever you do keep it in mind, because you reader will almost always have one about your character. So it is up to you, confirm there suspicions of what so and so is like, surprise them even, but never confuse them by mixing the two together.

I hope this helped.

[Necroben]

Your character seems inconsistent. At first i get the impression that he is blunt, matter-of-factly. I even read him with a new york accent, but then you have him say something like that...? Inconsistent. Your character, if done well enough will feel real from the get go. Here's how you can make a convincing character, from now on, whatever happens in your life, ask your self what would so and so do? say? think? buy? choose? and then why? justify your choice. My dad would buy a t-bone before a salsebury, because he says t-bone is the working man's steak. I't doesnt seem important but it is.....here's how.

Im arabic. Im Muslim. I know about perspective on character--it happens to me all the time. People already have ideas about me before speaking to me, the managed to salvage some ideas of me and mix it in with their imagination. TA-DAH! the secret to a Character. Stereotype, either feed into it or reject it, but whatever you do keep it in mind, because you reader will almost always have one about your character. So it is up to you, confirm there suspicions of what so and so is like, surprise them even, but never confuse them by mixing the two together.

I hope this helped.

Yes it did, thank you.  I can see other places now where I'm also being inconstant.  It's hard to see until its pointed out, sometimes.

[Nessa]

You use a lot of cliche. It's hard to feel like this is a unique person when you use cliche to describe. For example:

I married the love of my life

our life together was bliss

filled me with too much pain

There was no rhyme or reason

etc

Now I'm not saying everything has to be fresh and new, but using cliche distances the reader from the character because they are 'standard' phrases that readers will skip over because they've read them 100x before. Here's what I could do with these phrases, as an example, to make them stand out more:

I married a woman whose sly smiles made me blush just thinking about them. (getting specific helps us get more into the character, what makes him tick)

We lived the life of two butterflies set free in a field of clover. (gives us a better idea of how they felt)

The thought that I would never see her smile again squeezed my chest until I could no longer breathe. (getting specific about the pain, referring back to the thing he loved the most about her, her smile)

I would open the ragged atlas in my car and find the strangest town name I could and drive for it.

Good luck in your writing!.

[Necroben]

Thanks Nessa!  I never really looked at it that way.  You make a great point with my being cliche, and after rereading it I agree.

Thank you one and all who have given great advice, keep it coming.

[mbarker]

Two quick comments. First, how does he make a living? Drinking and plane travel cost. Is he independently wealthy? Second, you might recast this in third person. I sometimes think the reason we all like first person is that it lets us get away with so much. Third person limited forces us to think more about how to show things, just because we know darn well we aren't supposed to be doing it all with interior monologue.

[Necroben]

Two quick comments. First, how does he make a living? Drinking and plane travel cost. Is he independently wealthy? Second, you might recast this in third person. I sometimes think the reason we all like first person is that it lets us get away with so much. Third person limited forces us to think more about how to show things, just because we know darn well we aren't supposed to be doing it all with interior monologue.

I have been thinking about rewriting in 3rd person, at first the story screamed at me to do it in 1st though.  Also, at the beginning at least, I wanted it to be seen though the eyes of someone drunk, someone not paying attention to the world around them.  The main purpose was to... well, grow his character.  I am constantly reminding myself that this is a First Draft, and that nothing is set in stone yet.  Oh, as to money, his trust from the wrongful death of his wife's settlement pretty much takes care of it all.  That comes a little later, as he "remembers" his past.

[Chunky Monkey Sr.]

Being the new guy here doesn't lend much credibility to my suggestions, but then again I can't suggest much more than what others have already said!

My only comment/suggestion would be to flesh out a bit more of the wife/husband relationship (like Nessa said), it lends more power to the loss the character is feeling if the reader is involved with it at the same time.

[misterooga]

My only comment/suggestion would be to flesh out a bit more of the wife/husband relationship (like Nessa said), it lends more power to the loss the character is feeling if the reader is involved with it at the same time.

I agree to this one. Sometimes, characters that don't appear have very heavy influence of characters on pages; for this reason, it's important to flesh out the wife.

I remember reading Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams back in highschool. Though the father character never appears and never utters a single word, the whole family is the way they are because of this father character, whose only connection to the readers/audience is a large portrait of him in the room. I think your wife character is similar in this way.

Actually I have a similar story I am working on and that's what I learned from other critiques: the dead/missing/gone wife figure isn't quite solid, at the least to the husband character, that story sometimes seemed weak.

Perhaps you can write up a paragraph of who this wife is..when she was born, when she died, how she died, when they got married, where they got married...do they have any children, does she have any children (could be her second marriage)... I think these info may never appear in your writing but it's something true to the 'dead' person and may even come to affect the life of your character.

[Necroben]

Thanks!  Yeah, I wanted more depth for her to explain some of his actions later, but the plan was to give the information out a little at a time.  Though I'm not sure how that would work out.  The thing I didn't want to do was an info dump and bore a reader.

[Elmandr]

Thanks!  Yeah, I wanted more depth for her to explain some of his actions later, but the plan was to give the information out a little at a time.  Though I'm not sure how that would work out.  The thing I didn't want to do was an info dump and bore a reader.

It's called baggage, you should mention a significant detail in your story atleast three times...as to be sure that everyone catches it...

If it isn't important, i suggest you find a way to omit it completely.

[Nessa]

Thanks!  Yeah, I wanted more depth for her to explain some of his actions later, but the plan was to give the information out a little at a time.  Though I'm not sure how that would work out.  The thing I didn't want to do was an info dump and bore a reader.

Yes. This takes practice. It does help to write down the character sketch somewhere to refer to. And it's ok to info dump on a first or even second draft if it means getting all your ideas down where you can see them. Then, that's what revisions are for--to delete what you don't need and move around what you do.

[Necroben]

It's called baggage, you should mention a significant detail in your story atleast three times...as to be sure that everyone catches it...

Hmm...  I'm not sure.  I've read a lot of books that did just that and was always annoyed by the repetition.  Terry Goodkind comes to mind.  On the other hand, I see your point in giving important information.

Yes. This takes practice. It does help to write down the character sketch somewhere to refer to. And it's ok to info dump on a first or even second draft if it means getting all your ideas down where you can see them. Then, that's what revisions are for--to delete what you don't need and move around what you do.

Yeah, I'm still learning to kill my darlings.