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Pek's Tale, chap 2
The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
Ok, there are less specific issues I have here, aside from the ones like pacing and being boring that I worry about with the whole book. THis chapter doesn't come across as boring to me. However, there are a couple things I'd like to hear about, mostly follow up from last time.
We meet Isbeth here. Tell me what you think of her. I'm not shy about telegraphic what her role will be by the end of the story, what with the knight reference in her dialogue.
Isbeth also tells us a little more about our bullies. Are the bullies developing personality? Or are they, as I think, still 2d?
The town layout (as a follow up from last week's discussion): The only thing with any certainty is the location of the South Field, which I think is clear, tell me if you disagree. As for where he goes during the rest of it, well, it's confusing on purpose in this chapter.
Do we have good little girl, little boy dialog? Or is the vocabulary too mature for their ages?
Finally, the surgery scene at the opening of the chapter: do I need to make this worse to make his limp later believable?
I suppose you can also talk about how frustrating it is that I end before the action actually happens. This gets described later, and I'm not sure that description belongs where I placed it, or it should be right here. I'm more comfortable where it is, but let me know what you think.
The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
Fell, can I get you to talk about some of these questions? Especially the ones that look at the continuity?
I'd also love to see Fell and MoD duke it out some more over the question of Isbeth's mom and how realistic Isbeth is.
The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
*tap* *tap*
Is this thing on?
I want to talk about this chapter again next chat, so maybe we'll do both 2 and 3, if it's ok with everyone. I'm really concerned about Isbeth's presentation and her relationship to Peks and Birge.
Lieutenant Kije:
After chapter 2:
--- Quote ---We meet Isbeth here. Tell me what you think of her. I'm not shy about telegraphic what her role will be by the end of the story, what with the knight reference in her dialogue.
--- End quote ---
Although I easily sympathized with her from the beginning, as the object of the boys' teasing, you did a lot to humanize her and make me want to see the obvious happen, eventually.
--- Quote ---Isbeth also tells us a little more about our bullies. Are the bullies developing personality? Or are they, as I think, still 2d?
--- End quote ---
Rwan, still 2d. Pytor, with the added information about his father (which was too vague for me to understand in ch. 1) and the implied future with Isbeth, is becoming more rounded. Plus, he broods and is dark, but I'm guessing isn't a darkbrood (whatever that is) so there's foreshadowing that helps things too.
--- Quote ---The town layout (as a follow up from last week's discussion): The only thing with any certainty is the location of the South Field, which I think is clear, tell me if you disagree. As for where he goes during the rest of it, well, it's confusing on purpose in this chapter.
--- End quote ---
The geography hasn't bothered me at all thus far.
--- Quote ---Do we have good little girl, little boy dialog? Or is the vocabulary too mature for their ages?
--- End quote ---
I don;t think they're little boys and girls anymore. The transition from child to adolescent is obvious in Peks discomfort with the subject of Isbeth. Before he was content to tease, now he's seeing beyond that. Plus you say he's almost 12 (the age of majority, more or less.) And Isbeth kissed him on the lips, not the cheek. Vocab? Well, they aren't little children, as I said (at least not to me.) I have a sister that age and she talks like that, or with more sophisticated words. Plus, in a society like that children will grow up quicker. So while the conversation is more of an adult one that a recognizably childlike one, it's didn't bother me at all.
--- Quote ---Finally, the surgery scene at the opening of the chapter: do I need to make this worse to make his limp later believable?
--- End quote ---
No. Considering the level of medicine availanble, I believed it just fine.
--- Quote ---I suppose you can also talk about how frustrating it is that I end before the action actually happens.
--- End quote ---
I haven't read chapter 3 yet, but it wasn't frustrating to me as I have come to expect hooks at the ends of chapters.
The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
thanks Kije, the feedback helps. You gonna chat with us next tuesday?
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