Local Authors > Writing Group

Krag, chap. 2-3

(1/1)

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
Ok, Fell, anything we should specifically comment on with these chapters?

Fellfrosch:
Chapter 2 is the first one from Krag's point of view, and since we spend most of the book inside his head I'd like to know what you think of his voice and narration. He's obviously pretty smart for a barbarian, but is he too smart? Is he too dumb? Is there a way I could reconcile his barbarianhood a little more directly with his voice?

Chapter 3 is, I think, from Drudge's POV, and is your first chance to really get into the religious meat of the story. Tell me what you think of the ideas and the characters, specifically Drudge: he's the most inconsistent character in the book, in my mind, but he appears here as I like him best--sneaky and shady and largely amoral. In the rewrite I'd like to do more from his POV (currently this is the only place we see it), so tell me if you like him and what you think I could do with him.

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
I'm going to re-read chap 1 and move straight into chap 2 to confirm it, but it looks like my "sudden ending" complaint doesn't bear off if you keep reading, which most people would do given that the chapters are pretty short (unless it's their bog reading book).

Anyway, I like his  voice, but I still think he's grasped the concept of gods a little too well. He seems to know things we assume about a pantheon of gods without having been told about them. If he doesn't know what gods are, this will bear more explanation. His conversation with Strawberry, however, is a lot of fun. I hope we get to see him fight Grillo. I'm intrigued at what you've hinted about Grillo's past.

"a noise so ... bear-like that it seemed to embody a sort of original bear-ness that all other bears have only attempted to copy."
NICE line. Though I would have used the word "primal" instead of "original." Just me though.

Krag's motivations are getting worked out. I'm glad about this.

Drudge seems like a fun guy. Sort of a wild card. In this chapter, he seems fairly consistant. We'll see with later chapters if that holds out.

I'm sure I'll have more after I cogitate a bit and we have a chance to talk about it.

Lieutenant Kije:
chapter two:
Ha!  Ha ha!  Ha ha ha!
I like Drudge very much.  The dialogue between them in this chapter is good as gold.  At first I wondered if Drudge was just playing dead to confuse and dupe Krag, because he is an amoral thief, and wondering if he was dead or if it was a trick was fun.  Chapter three cleared that up, though.
Yes, Krag has intelligent thoughts, and it goes against the barbarian stereotype to have intelligent thoughts, but given the comic tone I don't think you need to worry about staying true to the barbarian stereotype.  It's not like you stay true to the stereotypical panteon, or the stereotypical circumstance of death.  I imagine you'll violate some other stereotypes as the novel progresses.  So I think it's fine to have a sensitive, thinking barbarian.  You've set him up as sensitive and musical (or having musical tendencies) already.  So all you need to do is include some note on how the barbarian society was intellectual (you could throw it in with the explanation of the calendar - it might fit there) or how Krag was just smart.  And you could do it in a ridiculous way that fits in with everything else ridiculous.  It's not a problem.  It's an opportunity.

chapter three:

--- Quote ---Tell me what you think of the ideas and the characters, specifically Drudge
--- End quote ---

He's my favorite so far.  He's dead, and he's funny.

--- Quote ---he's the most inconsistent character in the book
--- End quote ---

Okay...

--- Quote ---but he appears here as I like him best--sneaky and shady and largely amoral
--- End quote ---

Yes.
Sneaky, shady, largely amoral = inconsistent.  I see no conflict.  Maybe there's a problem that arises in future chapters, but he's dead.  Death can do strange things to people, right?  
I assume you're going to weave his being dead into the story somehow, and resolve it or at least explain it.  That's what I'd like to see from him.  And that he continue being who he is.

Fellfrosch:
Okay, Kije, I'm glad you brought up your aversion to the Berry idea, because I think it's one of the greatest handicaps of the book. The fact that Berries rule the world is supposed to be stupid, and parts of Krag's purpose (as an outsider to the system) is to point that out. It's all part of the plot, and there are some very good (I hope) reasons for it which you'll discover later.

However, this presents us with some big problems that you've expressed rather clearly. Number 1: Is the idea so stupid that it will turn readers away before they get to the explanation? Number 2: When all is finally explained and the story turns away (somewhat) from it's ridiculous beginnings, will that be too big of a change for readers to handle?

So Kije (and anyone else), I need you to tell me two things. Number 1: what could be done at the beginning to keep your attention despite the overwhelming silliness? Number 2: as you read more, keep an eye on the tone and feel of the book and tell me if the changes I make are too jarring. The silliness and comedy are maintained, but the plot gets more serious and I want to do everything I can to make the transition work.

Navigation

[0] Message Index